My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years now and we are just not getting along. We fight over the fact that he just doesn't have a ton of sympathy if I get upset over something. It's usually us fighting over me asking him to do something. I believe that I shouldn't have to ask him to do things around the house. Also, since it's Christmas I was upset that his friend called me to ask me what I wanted for Christmas and it was the Friday before. I was buying him gifts in November. There has also been talks of engagement and although I know we are in no position to become engaged I am still resentful of no ring yet. I don't know what to do. Why am I hung up on the engagement crap?? Help !!!!!
2007-12-23 03:26:35 · 7 answers · asked by Noel D 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I really appreciate all of this advice. You all have opened my eyes in an instant about how I was being selfish. Yes, we have problems, and yes, we can work them out with counseling. I should be lucky he even bought me something. I just hope we can get to the bottom of our problem. Thanks everyone. Merry Christmas.
2007-12-23 04:06:14 · update #1
You've been with this guy for FOUR years. I would be upset to if the cad didn't ask me to marry him yet.
If you guys are fighting a lot it may be time to move on. I know that that is a scary thought, especially since you have been with him for so long. However... I would definatley ask him what he thinks and communicate with him how you feel. If he's not sympathetic to your feelings, it may be time to move on. Sometimes we stay in unhealthy relationships cause they are comfortable. Sometimes we have to step out of our comfort zone to see the big picture.
2007-12-23 03:36:16 · answer #1 · answered by Operator 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said something that I found very telling. You claimed that you "shouldn't have to ask him to do things around the house."
Maybe you "shouldn't" have to ask but you do. If you spend the rest of you life fixating on what SHOULD be happening, you will not respond to what IS happening. "Shoulding" your boyfriend is the best way to end up miserable.
And why do you care if your bf (or his friend) procrastinated when it came time to buy you a gift? (Which is what 80 kazillion people do on Christmas anyway.) As long as you get a good gift on Christmas day, no harm-no foul. And why did you agree to move in with you bf without discussing marriage first?
What you are going to do is throw a wrench into the works of the complaints and resentment machine until New Year's Day and enjoy the holidays the best way you know how. After the holiday, sit down with your bf and tell him how you feel. Use "I" statements, keep your voice down, and don't whine. It would also help if you had a solution for the things that bug you. (For instance, a list of all the household chores you would like him to take responsibility for.) Also tell him that you are seriously thinking about marriage and you want to know where he stands on the issue.
Good luck.
2007-12-23 11:38:33 · answer #2 · answered by e_d_ellis2004 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe I'm off base but it seems like you're insecure with him and are resenting the things he doesn't do rather than be thankful for what he does do. When you ask him to do things, are you nagging? Whining? Kvetching about how you always have to ask? Believe me, those things do not provoke a man to help in housework.
As for the engagement, let it go for now. I think you both need to work out some serious communication issues before getting engaged. You are way too easily upset and he is way too distant. Seek counseling with each other to resolve these issues otherwise you'll have a nightmare engagement and a nightmare marriage.
Use your good judgment, not emotions. Good luck!
2007-12-23 11:34:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you are just a little selfish ball of neediness, aren't you? it's not about when the present is bought or what it is, it's the fact that you get one in the first place. He doesn't have to buy you anything. You have to ask him to do things around the house, because he's not a mind reader and doesn't know what you want unless you tell him. Guys don't think like women do, and therefore, if you want him to do something, you have to tell him. He's not you, he's not going to do things your way, you can't teach him to do it your way. You either love him for who he is or you leave him. You're never going to change him.
2007-12-23 11:31:31 · answer #4 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe feeling a bit insecure?
And if your arguing now what must you be thinking?Engagement?
2007-12-23 11:30:41 · answer #5 · answered by uptoyou 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i feel you two really need to sit down and talk to each other
2007-12-23 11:35:04 · answer #6 · answered by master 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should get some counseling
2007-12-23 11:35:46 · answer #7 · answered by the w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋