i was raised catholic, very strict parents, no dating alowed in highschool, and kept my word. College came, too busy studying and kept same moral values. im mid 20s now,with a science degree and want to have a boyfriend but dont know how? i have never been kissed, my friends tell me i need to learn how to flirt. i dont have many guy friends for the same reasons that they intimidate me. People tell me im preatty, even though im 20 lbs overweight, but i see people uglier/preatier/ heavier than me with boyfriends. help please! i was sexually molested as a 7 yr old by a man visiting our family, so i dont know if psychologically im staying away. i know im attracted to men.
2007-12-23 03:11:03 · 14 answers · asked by cutie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That's awful and I feel really bad for you.
Although your desire for a relationship is normal, you really need to deal with the sexual molestation issue first. Sexual abuse victims who don't get help in dealing with their trauma often get involved with dysfunctional relationships with people who abuse them in some way or end up subconsciously sabotaging the good relationships that they get into. (The fact that you are overweight and feel intimidated by men are tell-tale signs that you are still hurting from the abuse.)
As for the a**hole who molested you: It may be too late to have charges filed on him but you are morally obligated to warn people about his behavior. You probably weren't his first victim and, unless he got caught and received counseling, you weren't his last, either. Contact the child services people in your area and file a complaint against him. (If he is no longer in the area, you can contact child services where he lives.)
God bless and keep your head up.
2007-12-23 03:20:24 · answer #1 · answered by e_d_ellis2004 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sexual molestation in your past can be a prohibitive barrior in that it can affect your interactions with men (I know this from experience). If you have not had counselling for the molestation, I suggest you do that for yourself. Dating is scarry at times but can be great fun. Find your best friend and date him. Don't date just to date and don't let guys talk you into anything you do not want to do.
Best way to find a guy -- through work, friends, activities. If you meet a guy when you are doing something routine that you enjoy, then chances are you are meeting someone with similar interests and commonalities.
Take your time, relax and enjoy life - someone will come along when you least expect it. You can also try a dating service - just be careful.
2007-12-23 11:22:57 · answer #2 · answered by Cinthia Round house kicking VT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should seek counseling for the molestation. It could be the cause of your intimidation around guys. There is nothing wrong with being without experience sexually. There are a lot of guys out there that are looking for an inexperienced woman. If you give it time, the right guy will come your way.
2007-12-23 11:17:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't have nightmares about the molestation, then it is not doing you any harm. Someone thought you were sexy and fondled you: it's offensive, but it's nothing that should ruin your life.
Why don't you pick an unmarried man that you like the look of and make a direct approach to him? Write him a letter or send him a card. Include a photograph of yourself, as daring as you want (bra and pants?), and write that you think he is nice and you wonder whether he would like to take you on a date and maybe become your boyfriend. Don't get more upset than necessary if it doesn't work first time. Every man I know says there is a desperate shortage of girlfriends.
2007-12-23 11:20:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like you def have your issues......But putting yourself into setting where you know there will be men to talk to is what is important. The more you are around the opposite sex the more you will find you are comfortable. Believe me men love a challenge and you being new to all this is going to turn someone on!!!!!!
2007-12-23 11:15:19 · answer #5 · answered by belbiv1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Participate in social activities where you know you will share a common interest in someone. When you find a guy that you like go up to him and ask him questions about himself. Act like he is the most interesting person in the world. Smile and look him in the eyes, maybe throw in a compliment or two as well. This is non aggressive aproach I like that girls do to me.
2007-12-23 11:37:01 · answer #6 · answered by nonetheless 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should just get to know a boy well. People don't just up and date. They want to know each other. Chances are, you are subconsciously avoiding the male gender, so you should consciously socialize with them. There is at least one person who will complete you.
2007-12-23 11:20:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be honest you should proabbly try and deal with just talking to men before you jumpinto a relationship.
start making friends with some men, get to know them, then who knows you might find your self a boyfriend
2007-12-23 11:20:52 · answer #8 · answered by Sinead Gaybert 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just b freinds at first- men are not aliens, they r human and have feelings.
2007-12-23 11:16:13 · answer #9 · answered by tessa2day 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hmmm...you have to let go of the past.
Try doing some exercise...running etc. if you are pretty then you just need to loose some weight and you will have guys drooling.
2007-12-23 11:16:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋