A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey. He did not beat his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath. He did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me!"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yay God.
14. Next Sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
2007-12-23 00:33:31 · 24 answers · asked by Quizard 7 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Nice one. I worked with a guy who once asked a Priest if his father was a Priest. Gosh it did make us laugh.
2007-12-23 00:39:26 · answer #1 · answered by D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG funniest joke EVR on yahoo loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool I'm soo ading you as a contact( if i havent allready lol) merry xmas :D
2007-12-23 11:43:36 · answer #2 · answered by Jensen Ackles Girl (I Wish!) 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Enough Funny
2007-12-23 10:22:04 · answer #3 · answered by su1te 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
And I was just setting of for St. Taffy's.
2007-12-23 12:47:03 · answer #4 · answered by bacon butty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lol Honey we just got a new priest so I will listen carefully to his serman on Christmas Morning.(Xmas) thanks for that explaining last night about Xmas maybe we should ask the little nasties to read it aswell,here have a star.xxxxx
2007-12-23 10:21:42 · answer #5 · answered by Wonderstar 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hehehehe still laughing. I wonder if I'll get to pull Peter. But tell me where St.taffy's is
2007-12-23 09:54:10 · answer #6 · answered by ♪♥❀ ~爱Brunette Dudette爱~ ❀ ♥♫ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
An oldie, but as always still a goodie! Oh, in #5 it's bet his @SS (not beat).
2007-12-23 09:14:52 · answer #7 · answered by Andy K 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG barvo bravo ENCORE ENCORE that was soo good i give you a 10/10 good job
2007-12-23 08:56:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Omg this got me laughing out loud for real! ;D
2007-12-23 11:02:52 · answer #9 · answered by Zephyr 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nice, i laughed for ten minutes straight! here's a star
2007-12-23 13:55:13 · answer #10 · answered by SMARTIEPANTSBETH 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋