I know where he is (Europe. He's an engineer and a writer.) But he wants me to fly out there to see him since it's easier than him getting a visa to come here. I don't think I'm interested for very personal reasons.
Anyone relate to this? Anyone go through with meeting their long lost father?
2007-12-23 00:03:39 · 22 answers · asked by Entropy is for sheep 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I always figured if I did see him again, I'd punch him. I've actually fantasized about seeing him at the airport, and as soon as he reaches out to shake my hand, I'd break his nose.
I'm not a violent man by any means, but I really figured I wouldn't be able to control myself. I could really see myself doing it.
2007-12-23 00:05:07 · update #1
I'm amazed by how many people here can relate to the experience...
Whats that Tyler Durden quote?
"We're a generation of men raised by women"?
2007-12-23 00:12:23 · update #2
Visit aside, you have some abandonment issues that need addressing. Resentment will eat you alive and you wind up blaming someone else for the natural course of your life and will be hobbled by your victimization. In other words, get some counseling to deal with your abandonment issues.
If it was me in your shoes, I would take him up on his offer(I wouldn't spend a penny of my own money it would be completely on him) and fly to where he is for a visit. I would ask him why he left. I would listen. Then I would tell him what my life had been like as a result of his selfishness. Then I would spend the rest of my time there having a nice vacation on him.
Although you are hurt, it might help you to recognize the weakness's and failings of grownup's. They many times do the wrong thing and it has devastating effects on those they leave behind. However, punching your father in the nose only says one thing, you are as weak and have failed as a human being as much as he has.
Do what you want, but I think accepting the truth as the truth and not letting it control you is a far better strength.
2007-12-23 00:53:13 · answer #1 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My parents got Divorced when I was 5 and my father skipped state to get away from child support payments. I saw him again when I was 17 at my brothers wedding. The man is a complete stranger I dont know him and he doesnt know me. I have no father, buts its ok My grandfather was my Male figure, and he did a great job. Am I bitter about it, sure a little, how can you not be. But none of it is your fault as none of it is my fault we were kids they were the Adults and they made choices. he could have contacted you in those 20 years. You owe him nothing, its his conscience that is bugging him. I am 40 now with my own kids, they are the most important things to me. my wife and I arent divorced, but if we were I would FIGHT to be in my kids lives. The point is it seems if anyone should be making an extra effort for this, it should be him, not you. dont feel guilt, your not the one that left 20 years ago.
2007-12-23 00:17:29 · answer #2 · answered by wolfs_bone 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that strong about becoming violent with him then it is probably best for you not to go see him. It may make you feel better at the moment but, in the long run you will pay the price...jail time even. Just tell him you have lived without him for 20 years and the rest of your life won't change without him and that you are fine with it. Be straight with him or he will keep bugging you. If it took him 20 years to finally want to see you then he is just trying to be nosey and get into your personal life. It is the holiday season and some people are just whacky around this time. I say just keep living the way you are and tell him to forget about you, it'll never happen.
Good Luck!
2007-12-23 00:14:12 · answer #3 · answered by Birdy 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like someone needs a second chance and only you can give that to him. If you don't know the whole story then you should let him tell his side. The trip could be worth it. Go and see if he deserves you in his life after all this time. If for no other reason for you to get some closure no matter the outcome. This could be very good therapy for you and not necessarily for him. I wish you the best!
What happened to realizing that we are humans and not perfect, most of us eat up with guilt for one thing or another and running from different issues? What happened to a forgiving heart which doesn't necessarily mean accepting a person's ways?
Giggs
2007-12-23 00:19:00 · answer #4 · answered by rggiggles 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
OK..That is stuff..Remember there is two side to a story. You need to hear both stories. I agree with what some people say if he wants to see you than he need to get a visa if he is for real. Let him know that u are willing to talk to him only if he come to you. If he is serious about it he would do what it takes if not hey he can stay where he is at. You have done well with out him so it would not matter. And yeah he does need a waking call.
2007-12-23 00:43:09 · answer #5 · answered by vivi010571 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he is still a selfish man. It 's easier for you to fly there....His territory...His comfort zone...Too much difficulty to get the visa. Yes, I would say he is much more interested in his feelings than considering yours. Painful as it may be I would not go, he will most likely have you in a position again where he will put his feelings before yours. Let him come to you. He needs to put forth effort if there is to be a healthy relationship between the two of you. Try to be open to loving him, regardless. If you harbor hate it will take away from the love you have to give others; those that would receive your love and handle it with more care. Bless you.
2007-12-23 00:13:54 · answer #6 · answered by Brenna 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
my father left my family when i was only 2 also. before he and my mom got a divorce he use to cheat on her all the time. when i was 16 i got on the internet and i found my father. i talked to him for 2 years online. then when i turned 18 i was planning my wedding. i asked him if he would come b/c i really wanted to meet him..not just b/c he is my father but b/c i wanted to see for myself the kind of person he was. he ended up coming so the first time i met my father was at my own wedding. it wasn't easy but i was also relieved b/c i finally met him. he turned out to be a really nice guy...he has changed a lot from when he left my mom. i talk to my dad every day now..so you never know....it might be worth it....
2007-12-23 03:38:28 · answer #7 · answered by Tina Louise 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yup,i know all about that and i feel its all good to forgive n blah,blah,blah but the choice of whether or not u keep him in ur life is completely up to you,my biological father decide to look for me 2 years ago and im simply not interested each time im around him i feel this overwelhming rage so i'd rather not try anymore.he's forgiven but simply doesnt have a place in my life cos i feel that being a father to someone means more than jus donating body fluids to someone.good luck
2007-12-23 00:11:24 · answer #8 · answered by Moe 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yeah I feel the same way you do...I have never even seen a picture of my father...nor do I care anymore...I used to be interested...but yeah I think I would have punched him too...or just would have REALLY wanted to...
Just chunk the deuces and don't go. He don't care or he could get a visa and make a valid effort instead...?
2007-12-23 00:08:50 · answer #9 · answered by confused<3 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Um my father walked out on me when I was 2 and I haven't seen him since. I have very few memories of him, he's never done anything for me throughout my life, didn't pay for my schooling, when I got sick, for clothes, anything. If he called to ask me to come back in his life I'd tell him to fk off.
I mean seriously, now that it's convenient for him he wants to see you? Where was he when you were a child and needed to be raised? I wouldn't waste your time on that nonsense.
2007-12-23 00:07:55 · answer #10 · answered by . 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋