I'm annoyed that adopted relative has my family photos.?

Question

I visited a relative last year who showed me photos of my Mum, Dad, Brother and myself, taken some 50 years ago. In fact there would be dozens of shots.
These are images that I don't have, and not likely to ever see again.
They are of no use to this adopted person, however his wife gets a lot of pleasure from retaining these and making sure that close relatives don't get them. She has mentioned this to me, which I found distasteful to say the least.
One story which was related to me by the adopted relatives wife, was that a photo of one of my aunts' late husband who was killed during the first world war. This is a portrait of my uncle in army uniform, and is spectacular to say the least. The request by my 93 year old aunt was turned down out of spite by this women that I mentioned, who did not even know the soldier.
Is this mean spirited, or just me being sensitive to the images of another, being in the wrong hands.

Lisa, No family rift. I crossed paths with these people after 50 years . I was interstate in large city department store when distant relative recognised me and asked me back for coffee.
I am relating my observations and listening of a self appointed custodian of images.The annoying part of this experience to me is how a women in her nineties was treated when requesting an image of her departed husband.
Such is life, I guess.

Answer 1

I have the same problem. My dad grew up with his aunt in california. When he passed away She brought pictures of him in his teens. I was really pist that she couldnt even let me scan and save any of them.

Some people are so selfish.

Answer 2

Goodness! At this age you women should know better. There would be no wrong in asking to make a copy of the picture so your collection could include these. Also, offer some of yours to be copied. The person does in fact belong in your family whether you say so or not because the person was adopted. An adopted child has all the rights of a naturally born child. Maybe the wife of this person senses your lack of respect to the adopted one and is punishing you therefore because of your lack of understanding and charity. Charity in the correct meaning is love. It is the one important commandment Jesus gave us beyond that of loving God, to love one another. My suggestion is you apologise where you need to, and offer the hand of friendship. This may mend some rifts in your family.

Answer 3

The 'adopted person' was clearly adopted by your family and presumably handed these photos by someone as a sign of their belonging to the family, so they are not necessarily to 'blame' here... instead why not look for a positive solution which will get the whole family copies of their historical photos.

So why not scan them in and split the cost with the rest of the family (I presume they'd feel the same as you?), giving everyone a copy on disk (which is safer is there was to be a fire for example, which could destroy everything in one go).

I sympathise with you but it's best to try to make the most of a bad job now I reckon.

Answer 4

I gather the problem is not the adopted party with whom the photos were entrusted, but this person's wife. Why not have a nice face to face discussion with the adopted party? Let him know how hurt his adopted family is that copies of these images are not being shared with those who care about him and the parties in the photos.

Answer 5

I think she is attached to these images, I am a history buff and into genealogy and because of this I have hundreds of old photos of my family going back over 100 years including old tin types. I would never allow these photos to leave my possession regardless to who these photos were of and who wanted them. I will pass them on when I am ready to someone who will keep them together and pass on information of my families genealogy to the next generation when I am gone. However with that said, I would allow that person to go through them and together we can go and make copies for that person while I retain the original. It it not mean or nastiness just a true desire to hold on to ones past and not allow it to become scattered. She like myself has probably held onto these photos for many, many years. Like this lady I also do not know everyone in my photos and I know some I hold are distant relative to me but maybe grandparents to other but these photos were in trusted to me and it is my responsibility to see that they are intact and together for the generations to come. Ask for copies.

Answer 6

Don't let something so meaningless bother you. People in your past live in your heart and soul. Cherish those and don't be bothered by what others might do for whatever reason. I just don't think it's worth the negative vibe!