I'm sorry to ask such question here but i am just a bit confused about my situation. I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year n 4 months. We have had lots of adventures in our relationship that have made us stronger together each time... or so i thought... I'm confused about the fact that i am pregnant for the 3rd time this year with my bf's baby. I am only 2 months along. My whole family knows n he knows. My mom is ok with me but my father isnt. My mother says no matter what decisions i make she will stick by me as a mother. But my father wants us to get married no matter what cuz this is already our 3rd pregnancy. Unfortunately, i lost my first 2 before i hit 2 months, so this is real exciting for us. He has told me he is going to find a better job, find an apartment for us to live together and says he will maintain me and our baby so i dont have to work. I like everything he says he will do. I spoke to him about marriage n he said he's not ready, should i leave him for that?
2007-12-21 21:52:38 · 15 answers · asked by Señorita21 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If he's not ready...dont force it.. One of my best friends got pregnant and said she wanted to get married for the baby. Well a year and 3 months later they were divorced. He just wasn't ready to be married. He still sees his daughter every other weekend but didnt want the married life. I know of several ppl who got married bc of a pregnancy and almost all of them ended up in failure. Although I do COMPLETELY understand where you are coming from... My fiance and I could possibly be pregnant right now and we have talked about whether we would move the wedding date closer if we were or just wait it out. I would want to be married very soon after finding out, bc I wouldn't feel right bringing a child into this world being unmarried also.
But DO NOT leave him, he's being smart and mature by telling you his HONEST feelings. Thats something you have to respect, honesty is everything.
2007-12-21 22:02:44 · answer #1 · answered by Mary 4 · 2⤊ 4⤋
At only a year, I wasn't ready to get married either- even if I had been pregnant. I do not believe in getting married just because of the baby- leads to bad relationships and divorce. I would stick with the course just as if the baby was not coming when it comes to the two of you.
How are you confused by this being the 3'rd time this year you've been pregnant? After the first time you should have used some protection (and don't give me the Catholic line- most do use BC or condoms now). You were trying to get pregnant to trap him- and it didn't work.
The funny thing is we can all tell you what we think and in the end, you will do what you want. I hope all works out well for the three of you.
2007-12-22 03:47:27 · answer #2 · answered by KD 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's ready to support you and help raise a baby but he's not ready for marriage?! So he's going to act like a husband and father without being a husband. That doesn't make sense. You've already crossed the line into acting like a married couple by having sex and then this baby. Talk to him about marriage. What is it about marriage that he doesn't like or thinks will be so different from your current situation? Whether he likes it or not, even if he moves to Antarctica and marries another girl, he will still be tied to you because of the child. You should have discussed this after your first pregnancy... what to do as far as marriage goes. If you would have found out then that he wasn't ready for marriage would you still have had sex with him knowing you could get pregnant? While I agree with your mom that your parents should stick by you no matter what and love you, that doesn't mean they have to agree with you. I think your dad is right about getting married. You either need to be married and start your life together as husband and wife or quit playing house. If he's not ready to be a husband now what makes you think he'll still be a good father? Because he still technically has the option of just leaving and breaking up with you and needs no divorce. If you leave him you'll have a hard time raising the baby although you could put it up for adoption, which is always a tough decision. If you don't leave him you need to figure out why he doesn't want to get married. Too many people settle for less these days. Did you really dream of having children before marriage with a guy that thinks he's ready to be a dad but not a husband? You may like everything he says he will do but that doesn't mean he'll do any of it. You're going to have to make the call on this one. While you shouldn't push someone to marry you, both of you have put yourselves in a position where it's decision time and you have to weigh the consequences of your decisions.
2007-12-22 01:07:56 · answer #3 · answered by Rockit 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow. Okay.
You don't say how old you are. I think it's great that your family is supporting you. As for the boyfriend, he sounds really immature and irresponsible. I would end the relationship at this point. If he's old enough to dance, he's old enough to pay the piper. Well, he did the dancing (between the sheets) and now there's a baby on the way, which he helped bring into the world. He needs to grow up and be responsible. So he SHOULD get the job and find a good apartment and provide income for you, but you ought to live at your parent's home until your boyfriend is ready to propose marriage and make this a real family.
Why is he okay with making babies and living with you and providing the income, but stopping short of marriage? Is it because he thinks he might find somebody better someday? That's just a crock. Break up with him if he can't say "I want to be with you forever." You and your baby deserve a guy who is willing to COMMIT permanently.
2007-12-22 04:28:48 · answer #4 · answered by sparki777 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The guy is going through a lot. The fact that he is changing his whole lifestyle for you and your child is a very good indication that he'll be there for you. Let him get used to the idea of having a child and then bring up marriage. Things are really complicated for you guys right now with your family situation, too. Give him time.
2007-12-22 11:20:36 · answer #5 · answered by ennie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, I think you know what you need to be doing in your heart. Don't push the marriage issue. A lot of these answerers have some great points. Please, get on birth control. There are couples out there who struggle to conceive for YEARS without a pregnancy and you are sitting here knocked up three times and worrying. That is just NOT right. You need to do what's best for you. If you force your will onto your boyfriend, he is going to resent you. Also, that fetus did not ask to be conceived and, sadly enough, they're going to be the one who suffers for the rest of their life.
2007-12-24 02:58:07 · answer #6 · answered by jessiekarma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Catholics are not supposed to have premarital sex, so being Catholic is kind of a moot point, in this situation.
There isn't really any way to force him to marry you, realistically. You can take him to court for child support (and you should do so) regardless of whether you are still dating or not.
Problems like this are why people should not have babies until after they are married. Then everyone knows their commitment, the rules, and what is expected. It isn't any idea of anyone's morality, it is about what is best for the baby. A bunch of confused people- that isn't good for anyone.
2007-12-22 03:50:30 · answer #7 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This is totally fake. How old are you?
Anyway.
Catholicism seems to be working out well for you.
Seriously, pregnant for the 3rd time in a year! Use some fricking contraception! I mean your religion can't mean that much to you if you are having sex before marriage so why don't you just try to stop yourself getting pregnant then it is a win win situation for you, your partner and society.
2007-12-22 14:34:01 · answer #8 · answered by Stiffler 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
"I'm confused about the fact that i am pregnant for the 3rd time this year with my bf's baby"
3x means that consciously or not you were trying to have a baby. Birth control is a subject you 2 really need to talk about.
2007-12-21 23:45:20 · answer #9 · answered by bountifiles 5 · 9⤊ 1⤋
i personally think that if he is not ready respect his decision and tell ur father about it... and also take care of ur baby .. wg mo ipalaglag,,, even though ur not married u 2 can still take care the baby and if ur bf is ready then go get married.. just be sure that everthing he said will come true.. gud luck w/ ur baby!
2007-12-21 22:05:10 · answer #10 · answered by souffrir de amour. 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋