How do I overcome my extreme trust issue?

Question

Anytime a guy compliments me, touches me or even looks at me with interest my stomach turns I am convinced that their intentions are purely based around sex and that they have no respect for women.

I was sexually abused by my step cousin, he was my best friend at the time and we had known each other for three years. Since then these feelings have festered into hate and fear. i didn't even realize how badly it had affected me until about two days ago even though its been almost 4 years. I thought about it more and realized that since then i haven't had strong feelings for a boy. The worst part is that my male relatives are the ones i am most afraid of. I can't even have my dad touch me without me feeling like it might be sexual to him.

By the way. Therapy is not an option, i can't afford it. I've gotten out of a very long depression by myself, i know i can do this. And i think it will be what gets me completely away from depression.

Answer 1

I can understand this feeling since i feel it in a minor form myself, but i've never actually been sexually abused myself. Sexual abuse & physical abuse has been around me in my life and has happened to a lot of people around me that i really care for an i try to avoid it resulting in me trying to avoid almost any sexual contact with a guy. i can't help that feeling(its like an instant thought "oh no he wants sex"). My mother was abused physically by my father and i was young so i could not remember much. My grandmother was getting abused by both of her husbands(#st when she lived in poland, but somone shot him because he owed them money and #2 when she married one of her friends she immigrated to Canada with) He abused her when i was around 7 and she'd come to our house crying. Once she ran across the main street in her bare feet just to get away from the alcoholic. Then my whole life after that for about 10 years or so a lot of my bestfriends were getting abused by their dad or sexually by a male they thought they could trust. It started when i was 11 and my friend gave into this guy she thought loved her (young and stupid) and afterwards he rejected her like a dog. One of my best friends not long ago was getting mentally abused by her parents & it just broke her down. She started trying to find love in other places such as sex with men to make herself feel loved. It wasn't real, but she tried to convince herself it was. I never want to end up like any of my close aquatances so i've managed to grow this wall around myself. For atleast ninteen years i kept myself very closed off to boyfriends, guy friends, and even relationships with male family members. I finally broke through when i met this guy named Kevin. He was different because even though i let him down so many times he just kept trying& trying. He talked to my friend about how to budge me and she said i just have trust issues. he came up to me when i was at the mall and i was about to walk away, but he said somthing so sweat that just mad me put my guard down a lot. I forget exzactly what because it was about 3 years ago, but he mad me feel very comfortable. I was a little angry that my friend shared information about me, but afterwards we developed into a loving relationship & i've figured out she opened the door for me. Theres somone out there for you, but you just need toopen your eyes and pull yourself away from those nasty thoughts. Whenever you get that feeling go to the bathroom sit in a stale and think it through just to ensure yourself is putting up your guard really what you want? learn from me that love is possible.

Ps I know males can be sexual beings, but they only use the girls that they think are whores. if you show them you are conservative they;ll work harder on you & most likely will be more interested in a relationship. Boleive me some girls use guys for sex to so we are not the only gender getting used!

Answer 2

Therapy IS an option. There are many programs designed for people with problems like this who have no money AND your depression problems can effect your earning potential in a serious way. You say you've gotten out of long depression problems on your own, but that's just the thing! Had you gotten professional help like you should have, it would not have been a LONG depression! If you had cancer would you stay home and try to fix it yourself? Of course not! Depression is often a medical problem, especially if it lasts awhile and effects your ability to trust or function. You can't afford to NOT get therapy if this is happening. All you are doing is prolonging the agony and holding yourself back. I'd at least talk to a doctor if I were you.

Answer 3

Look at it this way: you were given some extreme hardships. Yours are worst than most. This is a test of whether or not you can get through your problems and not only live but flourish despite your trials. You have to realize that some people, even in our own homes are evil (and sick). You were happy before it happend so you can be happy afterwards. Remember its not that you have fallen, its whether or not you can get back up so try to be strong. Time is the greatest healer of wounds. Do anything that is constructive, set goals for yourself no matter how small. Eventually you have to make therapy an option though. You will never fully heal until you do. Talk to your doctor about anti-depressants. The greatest battle comes from within.

Answer 4

Well, there is not "Extreme trust issue" in what you are feeling. It's a fact, every guy DOES want sex from practically any girl what so ever, be it their friends. So dont worry, the only solution, without any other counseling, is that you dont go to far with guys as long as you can live without sex, then when it's absolutly impossible, you will also want from the guys what they want form you, and you know... .

Well, dont get me wrong, physical attraction is the first level of most relationship, slowly slowly it becomes love and stuffs.

Well, about your father, I will say that's too much of you to think. Dont be thinking about sex all the time. there are better things to think about. If you dont have a job, get one. Life will happen to you as it happens to all of us, and you will forget every thing and live a seemingly normal life like we all do.

Answer 5

You have each correct to be indignant. This man cheated on you. A guy that cheats lacks a number of matters. He lacks manage, regardless of if he was once under the influence of alcohol, or no longer. Being under the influence of alcohol is an additional motive he has no manage for the reason that he cannot manage how a lot alcohol he beverages. He lied to you. A truly guy respects his females. He has already disrespected you by way of dishonest on you, then he lied to you? What recognize can he have for you? I could say you have got to unload this man. He broke your middle, and nonetheless is going out with peers? Any guy that did this who's legitimatly sorry would not move out together with his peers ever with out his female friend being there except him. He will have to be looking to rebuild the whole lot he destroyed with you whilst he cheated on you. He is not. That suggests me he hasn't discovered his lesson. You have got to depart him.

Answer 6

If you don't trust anyone, then you won't have to worry about it. In your case, time seems to heal all wounds. Someday maybe you will trust again. Start off trusting on little things and work your way up.

Answer 7

i was sexually abused by my brother for years, (and by others since then) and im 18 now, only recently has it really affected me though. its not that i LOST the ablility to love and to trust... its that i just never LEARNT! its a learning process, when something screws up when your a kid, it affects you in one way or another for the rest of your life, unless you learn to repair the damage done. its a hard road and one i havn't yet been strong enough to acomplish. my issues with love n trust stuff up all my relationships like i just lost a bf yesterday just coz i cant cope with it.
honey, im sorry, but to really recover you do need proffessional help. ive just started sessions at a rape clinic, its free coz its run thru the hospital and its helping slowly. just know your NOT on your own! i believe you can do this, im here for you if you ever need to talk, just IM me! take care, hope it all works out!

Answer 8

I would try trusting people try to empower yourself by forgiving your cousin and having trust in men, or join a religion that you agree/believe most Christian religions the men don't have sex before marriage

Answer 9

think the best of everybody. give them the benifit of the doubt. you cannot know for sure, and you know that! don't be so quick to judge. if that won't help you look up some quotes about trust. much wisdom i quotation pages. the best of the best.

Answer 10

aww.. im sorry to hear that.. i recommend you pray alot, and ask GOD to guide you through your rough times.. but eventually you'll get through it.