Why should I take pity on alcoholics?

Question

There was a question asked earlier by this lady in AA, she is Roman Catholic, and has been for quite some time(atleast before she started AA). She was upset because she had to say "Lutheran" prayers, and only wanted to pray in "her" church.

I asked her why did she care about her faith now, when she clearly didn't follow it before? and I got 3 thumbs down.

That being said, my question is.

Why should I take pity on an alcoholic who is so closed minded, she refuses to pray just because it's with people of a different denomination?

Emily, I haven't been through it, but I've been around it since I've been alive...

My family is full of alcoholics, some have even died because of it. I have no sympathy because of this.

Answer 1

You missed th point Peter. She isn't asking for your pity. That's not even something pity worthy, so if she was. well, I'd see your point. she was asking if she had to pray in a church she didn't believe in. That's her choice. You didn't explain yourself well because you held her in contempt and judged her. That is not very Christlike, and you are better than that. I know you are.

And remember, empathy and tact are not the same thing as pity.

Answer 2

Perhaps pity isn't called for but rather compassion.

It is tough to quit drinking, it really is. I know because I did it, and a person who is taking that road doesn't need pity...or judgment either.

You may also be interested in knowing that AA is objectionable to many people; it's not just your friend's issue! What your friend is probably having trouble with is saying the Lord's Prayer the "Protestant" way...but imagine how an atheist feels, or a muslim or buddhist, having to say the prayer at all? AA is extremely bizarre in this way; they say they are "spiritual but not religious" but then tell you you're going to drink again (and die) unless you follow a program that involves turning your will and your life over to the care of God.

What you may actually want to do to help your friend is to tell her that there are other groups out there besides AA. SMART Recovery, Women for Sobriety and LifeRing are all good choices.

Answer 3

Hmm. Hard to figure this one. She may indeed be closed-minded. On the other hand, it may have more to do with the fact that she's in recovery than anything else.

Recovering alcoholics often feel very vulnerable, as if they're walking around without skin (or so it's been described to me). Whereas before their first instinct was to reach for the bottle to "cope", they don't have that prop now but are experiencing their undiluted emotions and re-learning how to deal with the ups and downs of life as the rest of us do. I can't possibly get inside this lady's head, but if she feels threatened by "Lutheran prayers" it may be because she's trying to figure out who she is ... and is clinging to her Catholic identity as an anchor (or life jacket if you prefer).

Most of us would have no objection to praying in such a setting with our Lutheran brethren. But I do think there's more to this than meets the eye.

Your response was a bit harshly worded but not out of line, and certainly an honest observation. I don't think pity is required. Accountability for what is done and said is something recovering alcoholics also must learn; she deserves credit for her sobriety and efforts to change how she lives, but that does not give anyone a pass to say what they wish and not get called on it.

Answer 4

Addicts are people with just as many feelings as you. There is usually a reason they become that way and it tends to be a very negative and difficult situation. Most people do not know this because they have not been through it. It is actually difficult to explain, you just go through enough pain without an answer for an end to it all, until that answer becomes a drug.

Either way you do not have to pity her, but she does deserve complimentary respect seeing as she did not disrespect you.


edit.. you do not respect them and you do not help them, in my eyes both persons are guilty. You see the disease take them over and do nothing about it. The last answer to them became the bottom of a bottle because no else was there to tell them different.

Answer 5

Personally, I'm offended that in order to get help for an alcohol problem, you have to subscribe to a religion at all.

That being said, I think people were just offended that you weren't being supportive of someone taking the steps to make their life better. I agree, you shouldn't have to show enthusiasm for someone being shallow. But people take sobriety pretty seriously. It's hard to stay sober, and the more support you have, the better.

Answer 6

God calls on us to have compassion for all sorts of lower life forms. What you said about her faith sounds just like what I would've said. My 1st thought would've been, "Why should I take pity on ANY alcoholic, because they did it to themselves", but I'm an ex-addict myself (marijuana). I stay clean, not through AA/NA, but by God's grace & the continued presence of the Holy Spirit in my heart. Anyway, closed-mindedness is the "general" attitude of Catholicism (admittedly, there ARE exceptions). Be patient with those like her, & continue to pray for them. They're a work in progress -- God isn't done with them yet.

Answer 7

Maybe it's the pity-thing. Pity = Love without Respect!

In your love, if you learn to respect Her by saying No as often as you say Yes! to her, she may come around and have a thing or two, you could learn from Her!

At least, in my humble-opinion.

Answer 8

Alcoholism is a disease.I am an Alcoholic and a Catholic.I would rather pray in my Church also.There is nothing wrong with that.She does not want your pity.You are the one with a closed mind. Are you a Christian? I very much doubt it.

Answer 9

Because,it's an addiction,gets out of control.

Answer 10

Pity who you like. If you pity because someone tells you that you should or that you have to, then it is false.