My mother abused my brother and myself.. she would starve us and "rent" us out to her friends. I want to know how to let this go and move on with my life. I cant leave the past behind and live in the present. please help me.
2007-12-21 15:04:06 · 16 answers · asked by justtrytobenice 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
OMG I went through this!!!!!! It took me 20 years to forgive her. I went through years of counseling, I was 12 when I left home and moved into a foster home. The only thing I can say is that you need to remember the pain you left, and know you said you would never do that to your kids if you ever had any.
As for forgiving her, it's hard hunny, I just one day told her I didn't like the person she was, but I was assuming it was because she wasn't given morals and a parent manual, and that for my kids sake I would put it past me, and move on.
I never invited her to my wedding or call her to let her know I even had a baby. It wasn't till my 2nd baby was born that she called acting like nothing had happened in the past. I was furious, and I learned to bond with her. She spoke to me because she knew she would not be alive long, and the sad thing is, she said some very mean things to me after my third child was about 6, and I told her, if she died, I would have no desire to be there, and as for the present I didn't care if I ever spoke to her again, and you know what? Sadly I have NO REGRETS! She died 2 years ago and I had no feelings, no sadness and no regrets, I was there for my Dad and brothers but as for her, I didn't miss her, I didn't hurt, I was relieved. She tore me away from my Brothers and Father and refused to allow me near them and for her I stayed away, the day she died I was happy deep down inside, because she had hurt me so DEEPLY and emotionally killed me.
I would never treat my kids the way she treated me, I will NEVER forget the things shed say and do. I think to forgive her, just try and let go of the past, blame it on ignorance and no morals for human life. If you hurt anywhere close to the way I did, it will be VERY DIFFICULT for you.
I did forgive her though before she died, but then right before that she hurt me badly and my last words were harsh, and well deserved!
2007-12-21 15:27:18 · answer #1 · answered by darlin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been abused too. You are blessed to have the opportunity to be a different kind of mother. Since you didn't have a good example to follow, you are having to figure this one out as you go. Find a good mentor. -someone that you wish your mother was. Watch how she cares for the people around her. Talk to someone professionally. Most of all, NEVER EVER repeat the pattern with your own dear children. You alone have the power to stop the cycle. Love them the way that you wish that you would have been loved.
2007-12-21 23:09:23 · answer #2 · answered by ....... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let anything stop you from being a good mother.
Learn from your mothers mistakes and be the best mother you can to your child.
As far as letting go...
You can forgive her but you will never forget. Just live your life the best you can for you and your child. Don't let the past interfere with what you have now, you must rise above and beyond for yourself and the family you have now.
2007-12-21 23:10:16 · answer #3 · answered by justceleste 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, please get some counseling. You are obviously concerned with how your feelings are affecting your child, and that is good. Shows you have compassion and that you are a good mother...
You may not want or need to forgive her right now, but you may need to discuss her with someone who knows best how to help you deal with things. I don't think anyone on the internet can answer this question and magically make you feel the need to forgive her.
I agree with you, it IS hard to move on, but you're already talking about it, so you're on the right path. Now continue in that direction and talk to someone who can actually help!
Good luck and many blessings to you.
2007-12-21 23:11:11 · answer #4 · answered by Stephanie K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is an incredibly sensitive situation. one that could very well require professional therapy. but personally, i've always believed that one-on-one, heart-to-heart disclosures with a trusted person can be equally therapeutic and helpful--if not, even more so than a $500 per session with a shrink! there's nothing more harmful than trying to repress your past memories, especially when you acknowledge that they must be dealt with!
regardless of the option you choose, just keep in mind that you wouldn't be who are today, if it weren't for the hell you had to endure in the past. THIS SHOULD MAKE YOU APPRECIATE ALL THE BLESSINGS YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE NOW--and even more appreciative of the future children you will have. LEARN FROM YOUR MOTHERS MISTAKES--don't let yourself become a victim of them.
2007-12-21 23:20:03 · answer #5 · answered by L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Realize that you are not your mother. You don't have to be like her in any way. If you want to let it go, you need to confront her and tell her how you feel about it. If you don't feel like you can do that face to face then do it in a letter. It will allow you to "vent" and will bring you peace.
Show your kids love every chance you get. I don't remember getting hugs and kisses at all from my mother, but I make sure to give my 2 lots of them everyday. I never want them to wonder how I feel about them, I want them to know by my actions.
Knowing God will also bring you peace. I used to think that was all bunch of hooie, until I accepted Jesus Christ into my life. It truly will change your life and make you a better person.
2007-12-21 23:13:28 · answer #6 · answered by DawnanawnaBB 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do about the past, its over. You can hold your breath waiting for an apology but you won't ever get it, your mother doesn't care.
You need counseling to get the tools to cope with this, especially if it is interfering with your parenting your own children. Its not fair that they pay for your mothers crimes. Get yourself some help, there are free or low cost mental health clinics in every town in the US.
2007-12-21 23:08:27 · answer #7 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww Darling I am Sad For What happend But you have to take a stand and tell your Mother I am Not gonna deal with This Enymore...Cause to me That is Being a Total Mean Person To her Own Daughter...Sweetie Follow my advice
Signed.
PrettyPrincess
2007-12-21 23:08:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
forgiving would not bean option .but forgiving when you think its the right time to forgive not b4 or when asked for it. you understand what you went through as a child was out of your hands ......... you must tell your self that your are a better person than your mother and that you would never ever allow whats happened to you and your brother to happen to any child you have...and to do what you can to make sure that your child/children have a healthy, happy and safe childhood.
2007-12-21 23:11:14 · answer #9 · answered by jess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please seek counseling! If your mom wants to work things out with you then she should go to counseling with you! Just remember that your child is innocent as you were and stop yourself when you feel the urge to treat him/her bad. Remember this child is dependent on you and has no fault as to what happened to you. Remember this child is a blessing to you and that you have the chance to make things right for the child's sake. You don't want to see yourself in you moms shoes 20 years from now do you?
2007-12-21 23:36:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋