Why are People on Yahoo! Answers So Cruel, Self-Righteous, Incompassionate, Heartless & Judgemental??

Question

Yesterday, I posted a question about a friend who is 29 & single, but wants to be a mom before she is too old. Though she is considering artificial insemination, because she is on meds for mild to moderate mental illness (ADHD, depression & BPD) she's been told adoption is safer.

But even though her illness has been under control and even her doctors/psychiatrist/therapist have certified she's been stable & symptom-free for almost a decade & that she is fully capable & ready to parent, when I posted a question on here http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApuBjn4Xzhi0woMrZdpaGLTsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071220161233AAtuGaW
I was SHOCKED & DISGUSTED by all the callous and insensitive answers!

Why do they act this way? Is it cuz there is still a stigma attached to mental illness despite the circumstances, or whether & for how long it has been under control?

Or is it cuz people on here are scared of what they know NOTHING about?

Why are the people on here so cruel & heartless?

Dreamy, what the heck are you talking about? Did you even bother to read through the entire question posted on the link?

What in the world do you mean that she can't take care of herself? Do ANY of the things below suggest she can't take care of herself as well as child and/or children?

1.) She OWNS (free & clear - COMPLETELY paid off with NO mortgage) a 4 bed 2.5 bath home with a HUGE tri-level backyard on a quiet subdivision street, in an affluent, safe (low to no crime area) suburb with TOP-RATED, AWARD-WINNING schools.

2.) She runs several businesses from her home.

3.) She has AT LEAST $250,000 in assets from various investments, retirement accounts, stocks & bonds, mutual funds, annuities, Money Market Accounts, CDs & more

4.) She OWNS (free & clear - COMPLETELY paid with NO mortgage) other homes & real estate which she rents out for additional income

5.) She's been stable for almost 10 years & even her docs say she's fine.

So what are you & people like you talking about?

Answer 1

because they think they know everything
i think your friend should adopt the child because she will clearly love it very much, that's the important thing. and whenever she needs help she has great friends like you to help out. and the cruel girl called jen said to think about the baby well by adopting it she is because a child in need of adoption will do better with your friend and a family than in an orphanage, especially in a 3rd world country.
don't get offended by 'jen' she's the one with a major problem and is a major dumbass

Answer 2

Everyone has there own opinion, and others have no life.
It's not fun if everyone tells you the same thing and has the same opinion/beliefs. It's the internet too, It's different than reality. You can be whoever you want on the internet and say what you want. Some things may not be regulated but who's going to stop you? The Internet police? Sorry, not here. Have you seen humans lately too? We eat animals and are selfish hypocrites. We all lie and that's just the way it is. Take out all the information your preschool teacher gave you about "caring" and "sharing" because life sucks like that. And if earth didn't suck we would fall off. Common sense. Kind of stupid metaphor(ish) but it's true. Because no one is perfect and is a 80s housewife. By the way you probably can't adopt because of disabilities since they will assume you need more care on yourself and can't give enough attention to a child.
Not being harsh or a bully, I'm just saying that many people are like that, and this is yahoo answers, they're allowed to speak their mind as long as it's not illegal and fits within the rules. They can give their opinion just like how you give yours, which I'm sure some don't like. Let's be fair on this now!

Not everyone is "mean" though.

Happy Holidays!

Answer 3

There are a few concerns here. The fact that she is DESPERATE to have a child is not a stable state of mind to enter into parenthood. Not having a male figure in the childs life could be a deficit. I know there are plenty of kids without a Dad, but they do suffer for it some. While her mental illness may be under control, it is still a problem. Many of her symptoms could worsen under stress. And parenthood, especially single parenthood, is very stressful. I have Bipolar and one child is functioning well and the other one is not. I passed it on to him and I feel bad about that. As for the reason why people are cruel is probably because of the very strong stigma against mental illness. The responses here are probably a good indication about what people she encounters will be thinking. I guess she will have to decide for herself if it is worth the risks.

Answer 4

I wasn't shocked because I know there will always be a stigma with mental illness. It's an amazing defeat that she has a lot of doctors and has been stable for a decade. These diagnosis doesn't mean she would be any less of a parent. I'm sure it would be a challenge, but what part of parenting isn't a challenge? I'm also 29, bi-polar and haven't been in a serious relationship. I wanted to get married and have kids too. I just don't see it for me anymore. I don't think it's fair to bring a child into my life. I don't know for your friend. Only she can answer that. Who are we to judge? She might be higher functioning than me. If she does have children it will be HER DECISION and she wouldn't be alone because you're already trying to get her help.

Answer 5

I don't believe most people on here are cruel and heartless. I think most who have answered your question are just being realistic. I know that you want to put it down to people being ignorant of mental health issues, but it's actually the people who know about mental health issues who will be saying she shouldn't be having children.
I think Jenn B hit the nail right on the head. Firstly, the Borderline Personality Disorder would certainly account for this woman's "desperation" to have a child. People with personality disorders are notoriously unable to recognise that they have issues. BPD doesn't go into remission either, by the way, as you suggested it might. As far as the other illnesses, bipolar also does not go into remission. All that's happening is that the medication is working. If she goes off that, the symptoms will come straight back.
When all is said and done, I certainly hope she does not have a child, whether by birth or adoption. I was raised by a person with a personality disorder, and have worked a lot of my life with people who have mental illnesses. A lot of those people did have children too, I might add. I can sum up what sort of parents most of them were by saying that, when the kids grew up, most of them never contacted their parents again.
The lives of innocent children need to be put above one disordered person's "desperation" to have children. Can only hope that common sense prevails when she tries those avenues to have children. I'm sure it will.

Answer 6

Not everyone is cruel. unfortunately you got some crappy answers. But I do think that sometimes the hormones from pregnancy can affect even a very normal person and make them depressed or etc. So if it can do it to someone who has never had any of those issues then it may make it very bad for someone who does. Not meaning it in a bad way by any means. I have no place to judge as I have a sister that took her life at age 23 because the doctors had to do an emergency hysterectomy. I truly know how important it is to a woman to become a mom. I struggle every day with infertility issues and etc. I say if your friend really wants to be a mom and has a good support group to help out in times of need then she should go for it.

Answer 7

Yes, there are more people who think that if a person has any kind of form of mental disease is not a fit parent and if they really want a child they should adopt a child that no one else wanted. It's sad because I have to take medication for the rest of my life; but that didn't stop me from having my own child and neither should it stop your friend.
People are afraid of what they know nothing about and I feel sad for them. Tell your friend that there are more people to support her than to try and hurt her........ in fact, if the truth be known, a lot of those people that said hurting and nasty things most likely have to take, had to take, or NEED to take medication themselves. Good luck........ Granny

Answer 8

I've said it before and here it is again: The people we find repulsive in their interchange with decent, sincere people are that way in their own lives -- so they're just reflecting their normal brutishness. Perhaps you'll agree it's better having them at a keyboard than at a mall with another 'instrument'. Might account for a somewhat declining crime rate, the past 12 months. If we're paying a little price for that, maybe it's worth it. Ignore the rudeness. They love getting to you. Love from me, and others, in any case.

Answer 9

Hi! I am sorry you had to experience all of this. However, in my opinion Yahoo! Answers is a good place to come for answers when you need facts, resources, etc.

It is NOT the place to come with a question that can only be answered with someone's opinion. Who knows the qualifications of the answerer? How old are they? What kind of experience in life do they have? What is their motive for answering your particular question?

I think that when we ask a question that is looking for other's opinions, we leave ourselves open to attacks, and the people who need to stroke their egos, or feel powerful. I don't need that in my life. Neither do you, or your friend.

I really believe that your friend should counsel with the professionals she works with regarding her illnesses, and work out her decision with their help. Who needs this abuse? I'm with you. It's cruel.

I basically stay with answering questions in the area of my work experience—visual arts. And I try NOT to give my opinion, but offer facts that can be verified with website links. It's safer that way.

I even stopped answering questions in the photography category as a general rule, because the trolls there were so egotistical and callus. Who needs it? Just walk away.

Your question just stood out to me as something I could relate to feeling, and so here I am offering up my humble opinion, which I don't usually do.

You are a valuable person, so is your friend, and just delight yourself in life, and appreciate your blessings.

Best wishes!

Answer 10

Because what you suggest in your question, is a profoundly bad idea...a person with no mental health issues at the young age of twenty-nine, seeking to be a single parent is gravely under estimating the demands of parenthood.

If you remove the circumstances involving mental health, you will find a similar response...seriously have a 'Friend' post that question with the mental health issues not mentioned, and your shock and disgust should fade.

Answer 11

People LOVE to judge before they know the complete story. Everyone is guilty of doing this at one time or another. Many people believe they comprehend mental illnesses but really do not. They just see it as being a problem and write whomever has it off. I read through your question and I am really sorry. I wish your friend the best of luck in finding a little one to adopt.