Me.. a mom, what would your opinion be of me?

Question

Seriously....I've asked questions regarding BOTH of my sons (who were raised exactly the same way) --- I get put down for one by people and then there are others who say "you did a great job as a parent" (including the school board with my youngest).
Both of my boys are men now.
One (oldest) is a drug addict and running from the law and I haven't talked to him (nor do I KNOW where he is - or if he's even alive- he's 29) and my youngest is a Corpsman --- has done really really well -- they were raised with the exact same amount of love, trust, respect (yeah....I happen to have always respected my children as they respected me)...even my oldest - his teachers, while he was growing up, with all the issues he had, always said my son treated THEM with respect. One thing though, my oldest was ADHD - diagnosed in 4th grade and put on Ritalin (no 1 knew what that was back then)- and I heard afterwards drug add. could be a poss. with Ritalin at a young age. Similar exp w/you???

Answer 1

Mom, I think a lot of parents get a bad rap. Everyone is quick to point the finger at you if your child screws up, but don't give you deserved credit if they turn out well. I have an older son who never caused me a minute's trouble. He's a hard worker, a good husband, and a pillar in his community. My older daughter - well, not to go into detail, but has somehow avoided jail time for a number of terrible things she has done. People need to realize that the pressures of being a teenager and the influences that we, as parents, can't always protect them from are out there. Kids don't always make the right choices no matter what you have taught them. I used to blame myself, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what I had done right with my son that I didn't do with my daughter. It has taken a long time, but I now know that one chose the right road and the other chose a different path. I still love them both the same. Don't be so hard on yourself. We did what we thought was right at the time and that's all we can do..

Answer 2

That may have been the problem.You might have tried discipling the bad son a DIFFERENT way than the good one.The same things dont always work with the same kids, because they are not all the same.Hwoever, eventually if your son comes to his senses, he will realize your lifestyle is better than the one he is living now and he may see the need to make some changes.All you can do is pray for him.I also wonder, where was their dad at?If he was missing that says a lot.
ADHD , show me ANY kid who wants to sit still in a class room for 8 hrs and do math english spelling etc, and then be given homework on top of that when they could be playing.Most kids who are ADHD have no trouble at all playing video games for hours,reading comic books, watching TV, or any other form of entertaining activities they enjoy, or at least thats what I have seen.
With me, I just plain didnt WANT to do the school work ,although I struggled with math.If I see the NEED for learning something, then that motivates me.
The drugs didnt "cure him "did they?
At ANY rate, PRAY for him, because GOD can reach him.

Answer 3

each child chooses their own path when they get older, some have kids young, some leave the house young, some turn in the wrong direction, there is no way of telling which way they will go...you felt that you have raised them well then you are no matter what a good mother and it doesn't matter what other people think.
my children are still exceptionally young, but, i feel i can only do the best i can while they are with me. i try to influence good things..my oldest who is only 9 was also ADHD , they tested him when he was 4. we do not keep him on the Riddilin, we are teaching him how to deal with it on his own.. i know that i haven't been down those roads yet with my own kids but i have a lot of family that went this way and that..between half way houses and drugs, nothing but criminals..but they are family. my point, well you have been the best mother you can be and i bet you are still a damn good mother, there is nothing wrong with any thing that you did.its like trying to stop something you do not know is coming..be proud of what you have achieved with them so far...

Answer 4

your raised each son, to the best of your ability. my oldest nephew has ADHD, and is bi-polar. they think they need the drugs to help, they don't. they need some one that understands the ups and downs. for instance: my nephew has to get tattoos to ease inside pain. i have tat's but never thought of it that way. yes, he took the same meds as your son, i don't know if ritalin has anything to do with wanting more powerful drugs, but i do wish you the best this holiday season. god bless you.