My ex and I spit 1 yr ago. I have primary custody of our kids.
The problem is when my ex comes to pick up our son, my son wont go with him, he screams that he doesnt want to go. My ex told me that I had to get him, I got my son from the bedroom as he was screaming,kicking and pulling my hair and grabbing on to the fridge so he woudnt have to go. Why is he doing this? Can I tell my ex that if my son doesnt want to go he doesnt have to?
2007-12-21 09:48:51 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
It's been a year, you have primary custody of the kids, so I'm assuming your ex sees him every weekend or twice a week?
He's a stranger now to your son. He's just a man he HAS to call daddy, or dad, but it's scary to your son because your ex is never around anymore.
Your child has separation anxiety, he doesn't want to be separated from you. He doesn't want to leave you because he sees you and trusts you more than his dad.
You should have a picture of your ex in your child's room so he will be reminded about his dad, tell him a day or two before his dad comes to get him that he will be going to visit dad for a while and then he'll come back home to you. Give him a fair advanced notice. It may be freaking him out that this strange man comes to take him away from his mommy and home all of a sudden.
Your child doesn't understand what day of the week it is, or that when the sun goes down and comes up again it's another day...so it seems to your child that your ex comes all of sudden and is it a shocker. I'd be freaked out if I didn't see someone for a while and all of a sudden they wanted to take me away.
Edit:
What your ex is entitled to has been agreed upon when you made the agreements during the custody rights. If it was discussed and written that if the child doesn't have to go, he doesn't, then it's okay to say that. Otherwise, you'll have to call your lawyer and tell him about this and he'd advice you to take the next step (whatever it may be).
Your ex might have a problem with you, not your son so much, about making decisions like that on the spot, when he's entitled to see his son. Better have documentation and legal back up for making decisions that take him away from his son.
2007-12-21 10:29:14 · answer #1 · answered by CurlySue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may not signify sexual abuse necessarily, but it's abundantly clear there is some sort of abuse going on when he's at his father's house. Children do not behave the way your son is for no reason.
Unfortunately, your son is not the adult, so he doesn't get a say about whether or not he goes to his dad's.
I'd call CPS and file an anonymous report so it gets investigated. At least talk to a caseworker and get advice.
2007-12-21 10:07:24 · answer #2 · answered by boogeywoogy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't mean to scare you, but does your ex have a past of sexual abuse? When My ex and I split my daughter would kick and scream and not want to go anywhere with my ex she would get really clingy to me and or run away from the sight of him!(my daughter is 4. 3 at the time) I finally got her to talk to me and it was horrible. I never imagined this could happen! I thought I knew my ex! Guess not! I'm not saying this is the case with you! just don't disregard it completely!
2007-12-21 10:00:40 · answer #3 · answered by autum_mist 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure your ex isn't doing something to your son? Before denying visitation I'd talk to the laywer about this and maybe set up in house visitation until your son calms down and/or until you can find out if he's being abused or something.
2007-12-21 10:05:42 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Mommy to 3 year old Jacob and baby on the way♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a serious issue. My son did this but since there is no custody/visitation order(we weren't married & he's not on birth cert.) I told him he could take him when he had a court order saying so. I tend to trust my son and I know he wouldn't act like that just to be a brat. If you have a visitation order check with your lawyer.
2007-12-21 09:57:20 · answer #5 · answered by billie b 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can take him to court to terminate his visitation with your son, but that probably wouldn't happen. Let him know that if he's going to get your son, you are going in the other room and you will not watch it happening. As long as he has custody for part of the time, he has every right to spend time with his son, but it's up to him to "pick him up" if that's your arrangement.
2007-12-21 14:57:33 · answer #6 · answered by Sit'nTeach'nNanny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think the best thing it to keep your son with you and let dad visit with him at your house until you can figure out what the problem is!!! something is wrong!! how old is he?? forcing him to go is only going to make matters worse!! speak to an attorney and tell him what is going on. im not sure what is going on but it sure doesnt sound good to me!!! he needs to stay where he feels safe and evidently its not with dad!!!
2007-12-21 10:38:58 · answer #7 · answered by sherry s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he doesnt have to go - does he understand what has happened why both mum and dad have separated?
how does he feel, upset, or ok to see his dad?
its best to keep talking to him about it and maybe dad can visit at home for a while then if your son is confident enough can go out with dad for alittle while.
i hope this helps you
2007-12-21 15:34:05 · answer #8 · answered by dot 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your ex-husband has visitation rights, you cannot deny him access to his son.
2007-12-21 09:57:24 · answer #9 · answered by Wayner 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You ought to get legal advice...but personally I would not make him go...if your ex chooses to go to court for access then you will be able to put your argument across to the court...
2007-12-21 09:56:10 · answer #10 · answered by Daisyhill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋