I am newlywed 2 1/2 months and I LOVE to dance. My husband dont like the bar scene because hes an empath ( he can feel everyone's drama around him) and he dont like being around alot of drunk people. He'll have a drink at a bar with me if its early before it gets crowded. I dont drink alot and him either but we like to have one every now and then to un wind from stress. I miss dancing/ live music and Ive asked him to go with me and he wont and he says that I shouldnt ask him to do something he dont like to do since I know that he dont like bars but I truly miss dancing and I want to dance and have fun with him every now and then. ( I dont want to go all the time) but I moved to another state from my home and family to marry him so I havent made any friends here so he's all I have. I told him that if he loved to do something that I didnt love to do that I would do it anyway just to please him and he said " I would never ask you to do something I KNEW you didnt like" Am I wrong to ask?
2007-12-21 08:51:19 · 25 answers · asked by beautiful diva 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Im sorry- I wasnt aware I posted in S & D. Thanks to everyone for the feedback. I ve tried a few of these suggestions before I posted but I will try some of the others like the wine and candle thing, the church deal, or even a dance group. Its not so easy to meet people when your new to a state. Ive tried suggesting to go early and the live music is not there generally that early. I sympathize that he dont like it but I still think he dont understand what dancing does for me. I dont especially like the bar scene when I was single but I think to go as a couple sometimes to sit back and unwind listen to music together and have a drink is kinda special cozy moment between two people. ANyway, Ill try some of these. Thanks!
2007-12-21 09:18:10 · update #1
Wow! Sounds like you guys skipped pre-marital counseling. You have to pick your battles wisely.
2007-12-21 08:54:58 · answer #1 · answered by Wise ol' owl 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
why don't you set up something at home for now? Turn the lights down put on some music get a bottle of wine and dance! Then when you meet some friends you will be able to do the going out thing properly. Give and take is what it's all about and if he really doesn't want to go out and you knew this before you got married then you shouldn't try and make him Hey you never know you might have more fun just the two of you make it romantic and you could even turn it into something sexy! Do a little strip tease or a lap dance or something then you'll get to dance and you'll feel sexy!!! Good luck i hope this has helped :o) I know it's not easy making friends hun i moved to another country with my hubby as he's in the army and i have no friends. He's gone away to iraq too so i'm spending christmas on my own! See if there are any dance classes or something like that in your local gym or swimming baths and then you will meet people with similar interests and you will be able to go out with them. Good luck :o)
2007-12-21 08:58:27 · answer #2 · answered by lol 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While compromise is a good thing, particularly in a marriage, I think you should not try to force him to go to bars if he is so uncomfortable with the idea. Try to find a middle ground where you could dance without bumping into other people, then he could sit in a booth or in a corner while you dance with friends. There are places where it's not overcrowded and the place is divided in such a way that you could both have a good time. You could also consider having small parties at home so that you can both have a good time without the stress of being in a bar. Get some cd's, ask your friends to each bring a dish and have a good time.
2007-12-21 09:01:28 · answer #3 · answered by bombastic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am an empathic person also so I know how it feels. You have no idea how bad it feels when you are in a bar with a bunch of miserable drunks. It truly is bad. Can't you find a place to dance that isn't with drunks? Maybe a church deal?
I know you want to dance but you really have no idea how lousy it feels to be an empathic person in a bar full of drunks.
Try and understand his feelings and see if there is a compromise place. Any high class dance places around? High class places are less likely to have miserable drunks.
Being empathic sucks most of the time.
2007-12-21 08:59:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's why I don't get married. I don't want to compromise anything with anybody and I just want to do whatever I want.
Looking at your case, if he decided to get married same as you, he needs to learn to compromise. You can't live life quitting things you love, because it doesn't make sense. Always negotiate things with him from an educated stand point and in peace, not having a fight.
Consider looking to the door to get out if you don't want to give up what you love most, and tell him that, because this is your only chance to live life (regardless of what happens later) but you need to be happy, and there is nothing really wrong with that.
He is not compromising, he is eating way too much of the cake that belongs to you two, not only him, he is not being fair, he is just lucky with who he has that doesn't cause him a problem on the hobbies or things he has to do.
You are good for him (for what it looks like) but you have that "deffect" that you like to dance.
If he doesn't like it, I guess 50% of the time that you would like to dance, he may have to get dress nice and at least try to do the robot in some club because he has to keep you happy in somehow, at least to humor you a little bit, so you get some of your dancing time.
2007-12-21 09:02:20 · answer #5 · answered by livingthe30s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like me several years ago. I finally realized (when I took a step back to look at the situation) that nothing good could come out of the bar scene once you are married. I certainly missed dancing so I would have a hot bath, big glass of wine, would lock the door and dance like no one was looking. I felt stupid the first time but quickly enjoyed myself so much I didn't care. I would turn off the music and exit the bathroom like nothing was going on. My husband would stare at me with the biggest eyes like I was crazy but he left me alone. We both thought it was pretty funny and were both happy. I still do it to this day. NOTHING good can come when you are married and going to bars with or without your husband.
With your husband - fighting and resentment combined with drinking.
Without your husband - unwanted advances which could "could" lead to more at some time depending on the stars if you know what I mean.
2007-12-21 08:57:30 · answer #6 · answered by ADC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put some music on at home and dance with him there. Marriage is about compromise. I do not like some of the things hubby asks me to do and he is the same but we both do some of the things we do not like to make the other happy and to help avoid getting into arguments. In the end it works out to be a win win situation.
2007-12-21 08:57:26 · answer #7 · answered by Shaz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He would resent it and you if you force this issue. But, would he object if you joined a dance group? Many people do this who have partners who do not like to dance. It would give you a chance to meet new people. Also, you would dance with many different people.. not just one. Im not talking about a waltz group. There are country groups, and R & B groups too. My friend goes to a group thats into swing music, like the 50s. Your husband could always come and watch if he wanted.
2007-12-21 08:59:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your not wrong to ask, but how about trying to make a night of romance and danceing at home?? Light the candles, get in some sexy clothes turn on the music and dance with him at home!
I hope you find friends quicker than I have. I don't know anyone where I just moved, except a few real old people in my building. It get's upsetting,. But he has to realize you do need to get out
2007-12-21 08:56:52 · answer #9 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong for asking. However he has given pretty good reasons for not. He's uncomfortable. You sound like you respect and honor that. I know you are missing out and that is hard too. It's the rock and hard place......maybe you could bargin with him. Tell him you'll do two for one, two things he likes to do and you don't, then he has to do this once. You might see some really bad movies or have to drive go carts or something....but at least you would get one night out. If not that then try "meet up" or "meet in " groups in your area.
2007-12-21 08:55:56 · answer #10 · answered by Rock Candy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you like to dance and he doesn't like to be around drunks, try to find a dance club that doesn't serve alcohol. If that's not possible, go to the club early in the evening before too many people start getting inebriated.
2007-12-21 08:58:08 · answer #11 · answered by susandiane311 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋