I see my boyfriend everyday, we do everything together,i dont feel like a whole person unless he's with me. I dont have my own identity anymore, its like im forgetting who i am and instead of being myself im just being 'his girlfriend'. I love my boyfriend with all my heart and i love spending time with him more than anything but i feel like i need to find myself and bring back my own identity, what should i do??
2007-12-21 08:44:04 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I respect what everyone is saying (i.e. spend some time alone, get a hobby, etc.) but I think what isn't so obvious is how to explain it to your loved one.
First off, being in a relationship does not limit your ability to have an identity. It is perfectly possible to discover who you are when you have a boyfriend.
However, some boyfriends will prevent you from changing because they are fearful of losing their loved one.
First off, accept that it is challenging to discover who you are no matter your relationship status.
Second, be open to trying new things all the time and wait to "catch" a passion. Explore those passions and let them become a part of your life.
Third, reassure your boyfriend that this has nothing to do with your feelings toward him. With luck, he'll want to do the same thing. In time, your new common interests will strengthen the relationship you already have.
In conclusion, your boyfriend is not impairing your self-discovery, but he is an easy crutch. Pursue your passions as yourself, not as half-a-relationship.
2007-12-21 08:59:35 · answer #1 · answered by Modest Mouse 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thoughts of life without him, to dream of what it was like.
Always with him, apart is not what you are seeking.
Your own life, with him as a love you cannot live without.
But your space, where is it, where can you go to be yourself?
When you are not with him, your lifes seems dull.
A comfort zone, with him is your life, a safe bubble.
A life you have built around him, now squeezing you.
Got to get out, can't breath, You are sinking into quick sand.
But he is there to save you, but alot of people are watching.
New surrounding, a new comfort zone, that's what you need.
Learn how to break, away, to be free for a while.
In your mind think what it would be like, a new comfort zone.
Sounds to good to be true, but what about him you ask?
You have now moved into your new comfort zone.
Your friends have not forgotton you, they welcome you back.
Free at last, now so many question flood your mind.
If this is what I wanted, why do you feel so much alone.
You will feel better later on, in time comfortable once again.
You have somewhere else to go for as long as you want.
You are yourself again, you can see him when you want to now.
I'm okey now, I have my life back, I'm in charge now.
You can now tell yourself this and live it at the sametime.
It's like moving into a new neighbor hood.
You don't know anyone, all the buildings are different.
Where is the store, the post office the beauty salon?
You are building a new comfort zone.
The samething goes for you with your boyfriend.
He has no right to control you. You are in charge of your life.
God Bless you and always be good to yourself.
2007-12-21 09:20:32 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i actually just had this problem... starting the first week we were together, he was always around me and vice versa. we together almost 75% of the day and it was great at first, but after a while.. i realized that i no longer had any independence. and i really didnt want that. i started having doubts and i was unsure as to what to do, but i was going on a vacation shortly and i figured that if i could survive that week without speaking to him, then maybe hes not the right guy for me... well that week i spoke to him once and it didnt bother me.. i liked being free of him.. but the problem is i still loved him alot. i got back and i tried to talk to him about how i was feeling to see if maybe we could spend a little les time together. and he didnt really like that.. so we broke up. at first it was devestating for the both of us.. but we quickly got over it and now we are really good friends..
i cant say thats how it would work for u, but it might.
just talk to ur guy and tell him that its not that u dont like him and its not that u want to break up or anything, but u feel that u need a little space sometimes... tahts the best thing i can tell you..
2007-12-22 04:16:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean. It happened to me too at the beginning of the new relationship. It will get better longer you to will be together. But right now you need to spend some time without him. Maybe just for couple of days. Meet up with your friends and go out with them alone or just do something on your own, go to the gym, shopping.. It will help you to feel good about yourself again. Good luck!
2007-12-21 08:50:32 · answer #4 · answered by Delisa 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please please don't end up like me. You need to tell him that as much as you love him you need you time too. If he doesn't understand say you miss your friends too. If he doesn't understand that either than he's too controlling and eventually it won't end up good because if/when you break up you're going to have nothing. I loved my boyfriend of two years and was exactly where you were, then losing myself caused me to almost become bitter i was completely dependant on him and forgot about who I was- that was also the person he fell in love with and it only ended in disaster. Don't follow my footsteps, when you're dependant like that... if he ever left... believe me you don't want to be where I was. Find yourself WITH him.. and if you can't then you'll have to find yourself first before you can continue... I know it might not make too much sense... but seriously I don't want anyone to hit rock bottom the way I did... never forget who you are- for ANYONE
2007-12-21 08:57:41 · answer #5 · answered by nikirollerblades 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are very young to be so wrapped up in another person. Tell him you need to get yourself back together and stop seeing him for a few weeks. Concentrate on being yourself and go out with other girls. You DO NOT need a boy to "make you complete", you can be an intelligent, attractive, whole person in your own right.
2007-12-21 08:50:52 · answer #6 · answered by Wiz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What you need is your own social life back and not spend so much time together if you're feeling like that. Tell him that you think you think you guys should spend less time together because you're feeling like you don't have your own identity anymore
2007-12-21 08:49:29 · answer #7 · answered by hearts99992000 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do things you love to do. Like art, or music. It'll help if you spend some time with old friends. Give your relationship a little time. Tell him how you feel and put it on hold. If he doesn't appreciate that, find someone else, who can make you feel good for who you are. He should be kind, loyal, trustworthy and honest. I know it'll be hard. Good luck! You'll be feeling like yourself in no time!
2007-12-21 08:52:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should spend less time with him, develop friendships of your own, go out with other people on social occasions (from work etc), spend time alone with your family, and get your life back. It is so unhealthy for a person to be so dependant on another person. It doesnt mean you love him any less if you get a life outside him.
2007-12-21 08:49:13 · answer #9 · answered by jeanimus 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, there is nothing more precious in this world than "me time" - it's my favorite thing in the world? And if you love your boyfriend so much, time apart isn't going to change that. In fact, it may make your relationship even better. The one thing I've found to be true (even though I was so sick of hearing it while growing up) is that you really can't love someone until you love yourself. Give yourself plenty of me time and you'll have lots to offer your boyfriend!
2007-12-21 08:53:42 · answer #10 · answered by krisnickeh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋