Why can't I get a guy?

Question

I am 33 years old, smart(don't have a high degree but I am an intelligent person), have a stable job, live by myself, good hygiene. I am constantly told I am pretty(mostly by women old enough to be my mother, or younger women). I always get "With those eyes and that hair, I can't believe the guys are lining up" Or "You don't even know how pretty you are" Yet I can't get one guy to be interested. I don't act desperate, I don't try TOO hard. Nobody approaches me, if we are around men, they always like one of my friends. I have tried Match.com and can't ever get a second date. I went to speed dating and didn't get 1 match. Yet my friend who is very plain and doesn't have good features(and somewhat unfortunate teeth), got 7 matches. What is wrong with me? I do have 25, 30 extra lbs I am trying to loose....but I know it can't be because I am not skinny(or maybe it is), because people who are much bigger than me have men and are married.
Everyone finds someone and I can't!

Even when I was younger and thinner I still couldn't get a guy interested. They would always ask me about one of my friends.

I do have a good personality. Easy going, fun etc.....I know someone who is 98 lbs at 5'7(way too skinny), not a great face, personality is so fake and uptight, yet she gets date after date. I have to be doing something wrong but I can't figure it out. Maybe it is my confidence....and the fact I have to get down 20 or 30 lbs.

Answer 1

That is hard to say where are you looking and WHAT are you looking for? Are you only interested in the Brad Pitt types or are you looking for a normal man?

I have friends that are in similar scenarios but they are looking for the 22 year old hard body and they can not understand why they are not with someone.

Personality has a LOT to do with it, or actually self confidence. If someone doesn't like themselves, others will pick up on that. Honestly I dont think it is the 30 extra pounds but more of who are you interested in and where are you looking. You sound like a level headed person and an intelligent person, so the only other thing I can think of is your self confidence.

Answer 2

I totaly understand where you are coming from. I have the same problem when it comes to women. The only thing I can say is, most guys are only looking for a particular type of women... thus it seems like your always passed over. You sound really interesting to me:) I wouldn't give up the ship just yet! I would try joining some clubs, even things you wouldn't normaly do, like a cooking club or perhaps a bowling club. That way you can meet people, and also see if there are any guys in there you might like. As for the internet dating sites go, those don't work for me either, people are too picky on there too! Good luck, I'm sure you'll meet mr. right someday!

Answer 3

I wish i knew what to say! I do want to encourage you, though. I'm 26 and I only once had a serious boyfriend. Always been told I'm pretty. I'm kind of shy, so I think for me that is a big part of it. Dated here and there, but it has always been really difficult. I've gone through periods of time where I tried really hard, speed dating, etc. And then I get frustrated and just sort of give up on those things. And then I try again, and give up. I find it incredibly hard to meet guys, and I would really like to have a boyfriend.
I've dated a few guys who just seem to be the classic "He's Just Not Into You" types. They don't call, or they cancel, etc. And I've made the choice that i sort of can't deal with that. I don't think I'm overly picky, but, I have a couple of friends who are very unhappy in their relationships. I also have a lot of friends who are doing the "pseudo dating" thing. Where they are, for all intents and purposes, dating, but the guy, you know, isn't ready to really date. I've done that once and made a choice that i don't want to do that. I think that makes it hard. So sometimes I just try to count my blessings--I guess is what I'm saying. But I know it's tough. Don't give up hope!!

Answer 4

Probably becuase you care too much. Quit trying hard. Have some fun. You have to get out and do things to meet people. No matter what you look like and hwo you are, you will find someone by being yourself. There are more ways to do it than sitting behind your computer. Join a gym. It wil work off that extra weight and there are alwyas guys there. Go to the occasional bar but dont stick around too much. 90 percent of the people you meet at those places arent the ones you are looking for. Just be you and quit worrying. It will happen

Answer 5

Brush off whatever insecurities you have about thinking you can't get a guy. Sometimes if you doubt yourself on your own abilities, a bit of that can rub off onto other people. Something that's really attractive is self confidence. Who cares if you can't get a guy, or if you have that extra 25-30 lbs? Maybe this is a side effect of watching too many episodes of sex and the city or that tyra banks talk show, but really, it helps a lot to think/know that you're absolutely fabulous, and let it show! Buy yourself a new outfit, do your hair or makeup all nice, and show the world what you've got. Guy or no guy, at least you'll know you're awesome. :]

Answer 6

Hello Stormy~
Now, I do not think it is that you cannot get a guy. The problem may be what standards you have set for yourself in meeting this MR RIGHT(which there is no such person) And regarding your weight being a problem. If you want to better yourself and lose weight, then by all means do so. But there are many men(myself included), that have dated women whom were a little heavy, and they were sexy and compassionate too! Just stop trying so hard and love will find you when you stop looking so darn hard! Good Luck :)

Answer 7

Believe me, men don't only look at the outside. Character matters a lot. Many ugly women will find men coz they have great character. What's yours like? Are you a happy person or are you grouchy and sad? Do you enjoy life? It usually shows, and people like to be around a happy person. Are you a gossip or do you seek the best in everyone? Are you materialistic (money, cars, etc) or do you value the simple things in life? Just some thoughts. Good luck.

Answer 8

hmm...i can assure you that its not because of the extra weight...most guys don't even care about that (well i dont anyway)....i guess there really is no answer that i can give you because there doesn't seem to be aything wrong with u at all...but i guess ur just gonna have to hang on cuz i honestly believe that good things come to those who wait...i know you've probably heard that a zillion times but i truly believe it....hmm...u can also try just taking a risk and asking out a guy....cuz i'm honestly telling u that guys are a lot more shy than girls may think....maybe there have been lots of guys who've liked u, but they never got the courage to do anything about it...so ya..dont worry about it too much because you sill have plenty of time...and it will definitely happen for u...and when it does, it'll be so much better than you ever expected :-)

Answer 9

You need to take part in more social events, and I don't mean night clubs. Go to church, join a club of some type, volunteer your time for some charity, go to dance classes, take up some music lessons, join one of the multilevel companies that sell some product. These are all ways to meet new people. It's all a numbers game. The more people you meet the better the chance. By the way... I'll be single in less than a month.... :)

Answer 10

There's nothing wrong with you, there may just be something wrong with your approach. Be friendly, confident, smile and approach people. Maybe try having a friend hook you up with someone they know. If nothing still works out you may want to give yourself some "me time". Find peace with being alone and find yourself. If you know who you are and are happy alone you will have an easier time finding and keeping a relationship. It takes two independent people. Love will find you when you least expect it sometimes. Go about your life and put yourself out there.