is Open Bar "expected"?

Question

Okay so I'm having my wedding in May at a very nice country club. The dinner is going to be chicken(not sure what yet) and filet mignon. The cocktail hour is open bar, there will be a champagne toast and we will offer another hour of open bar after dinner. I feel like a lot of people expect weddings to be open bar the entire evening. That would cost us an extra $10,000 just for the open bar, which just isn't pracatical. What do you think of the 2 hours of open bar? is open bar all night expected?

See the thing is BECAUSE it's a "nice" wedding to have an open bar makes it rediculously expensive, whereas if it were at a cheaper venue then adding it wouldnt be expensive. Also my wedding isn't over the top...my gown wasnt 5K and I certainly don't want people falling over drunk at my wedding

monicanena, that's a great idea...I'll have to lookk into how that would work. We thought about doing a "signiture" drink and offering that for free through the night. It's so hard because I live in Boston(near boston anyway) so everything is very expensive...as most things for weddings are! and I really don't want my parents throwing away 10K so that people can get wasted

I do have a veggie meal too...people can request if if they'd like...to offer it as a 3rd option costs extra(go figure) but it is definately there should someone want it!

I really like the idea of having wine on the tables, I just have to make sure they allow it. This would give people an oppertunity to drink for free all night and buy something if thats not what they like.

Answer 1

I have never been to a wedding where there was open bar for the entire time. Just like you are planning, the cocktail hour and another hour after dinner is more than enough.

I also think that having open bar the entire time will just entice people to drink more because it is free, which will also lead to many drunk drivers on the road.

Answer 2

At my wedding almost eight years ago, we got the following suggestion from the caterer: set a maximum amount of money for the open bar and make the bar open only for certain drinks.

Further, set a theme. For our wedding it made sense for the theme to be margaritas (don't ask, it's a long story and you *don't* want to know). We also included beer and wine. All other drinks were on a cash basis. The caterer had done this before and shared with us that pina coladas are a popular choice, as are simply beer and wine.

Bad choices, in my mind, would include any unmixed hard liquor.

We set a limit of $5k, with the option to put more money on the tab if we felt it was appropriate. My bride's father added another $5k when the first $5k ran out, but we didn't use that all up.

So, we had over 200 guests. $5k turned out to be pretty close to the right budget (a *little* low, but not much). That's about $25 per guest. Call it $30 with the money my father-in-law put in. So for 100 guests you'd be talking $3k, a lot less than the $10k you've been quoted. For 300 guests it would still be $9k.

And the bartender shared with me that he'd sold some $2k in drinks on top of the open bar.

I think this is a really good compromise.

I feel like you want to be generous (it's your wedding, after all), but I didn't want to finance people getting falling over drunk and then driving home. So I wanted to set a reasonable limit. It's possible my father-in-law caused that limit to be exceeded, but I don't think so.

The take from our guests, BTW, was that it was a wonderful idea. They all had a great time.

You should not feel obligated to help people get drunk. Your motivation should be reasonable generosity. So, you need to decide what you believe is reasonable and stick to that.

Answer 3

People generally expect to be able to drink all night, but this does not mean you need to have a completely open bar.
Several thing you could do include:
The signature drink (like you mentioned)
Have open bar for beer, wine and softdrink only (ends up heaps cheaper than spirits).
Have a cap on how much you spend. For example they stop serving spirits when the bar tab reaches $2000 and stop serving alcohol all together when it reaches $5000, or whatever your budget is.
If they are charging you a set fee (eg $25 per person for 1 hour of bar) it is often much cheaper to work off consumption as one person on average will only have 2 or 3 glasses of wine for the night (less than a bottle). Even if the bottle itself costs $25 thats $18 per person spread over the entire evening.
Don't forget to take children and designated drivers out of your calculations.
Hope that helped.

Answer 4

Guests will appreciate an open bar for two hours. You can always let family members know to pass the word along that it won't be open all night so that people can be sure to bring some cash. We are only having a cash bar, with one free drink per person and the toast. I don't think it should be expected because everyone knows it takes a lot of money to throw a nice event. With the good food you are serving guests won't mind. Besides it will keep guests from drinking to much and acting incorrectly and steal your spotlight.

Answer 5

Controlling the flow of liquor during your reception is a good idea. Why? Because wedding guests love FREE liquor and they will drink and drink and drink.

There is no reason to create a problem for you or your guests, either close the bar at a certain time or only make sodas, coffee, beer and wine available after dinner.

Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 6

I would think that an open bar during the cocktail hour before dinner would be more than gracious. One hour after dinner is extra nice and shows your generosity.

Weddings are for you to invite people to celebrate with you. Only a pretentious person would "expect" something and be miffed if your wedding didn't meet their expectations.

The food sounds wonderful (I would add a vegetarian plate too) and it seems like you have gone to great lengths to make sure people have a good time.

Save some of that money that would have been spent on booze for your future. Seriously! How I could use $10,000 right now.

Congratulations!

Answer 7

First off, congratulations on your upcoming wedding! I wouldn't worry about the bar situation at all. I've been to weddings where there was an open bar all night and others where it was a cash bar. Both were fine and I didn't hear anyone complain.
This is your night, it's all about you, so handle the bar and everything any way you want to. It sounds like you're going to have a wonderful night, and if people have to start paying for their drinks, it'll cut down on people drinking too much, as many tend to do when the booze is free. There's nothing worse than having people falling down drunk at weddings!

Answer 8

Open bars are nice, but they're not expected. No one's going to have a heart attack because there's no open bar.

What I suggest is open bar for cocktail hour, then serve wine (good wine) and champagne for the rest of the night. It will be cheaper, especially if the venue will allow you to provide it yourselves. If people want something hard, have a cash bar available, though not a lot of people are going to be drinking loads of hard liquor, unless they have a problem. I went to a wedding with this setup and it was fine.

Besides, wine goes much better steak and chicken than a vodka tonic.

Answer 9

An open full-bar is very expensive. What I've seen lots of people do, and what I'm doing, is serving only beer, wine, and champagne for a toast. The beer/wine bar is less than half the cost of the open bar at our venue, and the selection is actually very nice. Think about this as an alternative to a full bar.

Answer 10

You know, a lot of people on here say anything other than an open bar is tacky. I NEVER expect a wedding to have an open bar. I'd rather have a cash bar than no bar. I also think it's kind of tacky expecting the bride and groom to pay for your drinks. I think your idea is quite generous, so do what you want and Congrats!

EDIT: Cool, I just read the rest of your answers and they all say your idea is great. All the girls who think an open bar is a must have, must be out for the day.=P