my 19 year old son'sirlfrend died a while ago.. since then he havent had any relationships until he met a foreigner girl while she was in town & liked & he talks to her via msn..... he wants after the finals to go & spend the vacation with her... but i refuse to lend him money coz am afraid of what might happen to him from her & i dont really like her ..although i dont really know & he is mad @ me cause i wont let him go to her... am i wrong??? could he hate his mother for a girl???? can he hate me for that ???
2007-12-21 07:52:16 · 30 answers · asked by kilckas 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
he works but he has little money & he cant raise that amount of money in that short time.. the finals will end in mid january !! & he is ready to give al the money he has
2007-12-21 08:09:56 · update #1
she is GREEK
2007-12-21 08:11:20 · update #2
They probably just want to have sex. Smart thinking. Don't let him. They'll just bang up and down! :]
2007-12-21 07:56:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
look, I think your son is old enough to decide what he wants to do. however, you said you won't lend him the money. I think the best thing you can do to prevent him being angry at you is to allow him to go. However, that does not mean you should lend him the money. I think this could be a good lesson for him that he needs to work for it. say that if he wants to go, he needs to find a job (if he has, you can say he could find an extra job). If he's a student I'm sure he might use that as an excuse why he can't have a job, but really, there are enough student with a job for at night or in the weekend.
Allow him and see if he's willing to put so much efford in this girl, if he does, you will know for sure that he won't give up on her that easily. good luck
2007-12-21 08:02:15 · answer #2 · answered by Marlieke89 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know your country of origin. I'm from North America and 19 is considered "legal" or adulthood.
Personally, I can't see that you aren't letting him go see this girl. You're just not lending him the money to see her. I would tell him that if he wants to see her that badly, he can find a job and save up the money to see her on his own.
That puts the responsibility on him. Also, if he is working, he won't have that much time to "chat" on MSN and hopefully the whole thing will blow over.
Good luck with your son.
2007-12-21 07:57:46 · answer #3 · answered by K. F 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he might. It depends on what kind of person he is. Unless he is a minor its not really your place to decide who he dates. You need to know right now that if you want a good realtionship in the future you must respect his autonomy. Now, about the money, lend/give if you can. He is your son. Let him make his own mistakes and be there if it doesn't work out. Thats what you would want someone to do for you, right?
2007-12-21 07:56:44 · answer #4 · answered by C W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's putting you in a tough position for that one. You'd have to balance how much you trust your son's judgement with how you feel about this girl.
I don't think you can deny him the chance to see her just because you don't like her. My mom still doesn't like any of the women I date and I'm 24 and have been with the same woman for like 3 years now lol.
Keep in mind that you can see negative things about her that your son wont be able to see because of how he feels about her, but he knows her better than you do so he most likely knows about a lot of good things about her. It comes down to how much are you willing to trust your son to take care of himself at 19.
If it were me I would look in to which country he'd be going to. Although I'd be leaning towards not letting him go. I'd be okay if it were within the US. You should sit down and talk rationally with him so you can learn more about this girl and he can come to understand your reasons for not wanting him to go. He might just think you are saying no just because you don't like the girl. That way you both might be more comfortable with the situation and can make a decision together. I don't think he'll hate you if you treat him and this woman with respect and explain that you are just worried for his safety.
2007-12-21 08:04:53 · answer #5 · answered by whtennisfan115 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your 19 year old son is now an adult. Adults that work and earn money can spend it for anything they choose. If he earns money and wants to spend it to go see a girl he may do that.
You are also an adult. When you work and earn money you may choose to spend it how you like. You have no obligation to give it to anyone else including your adult son for any reason including disagreeing with what he wants to do with the money.
Again, he is an adult now. Yes, he can hate you for a girl. He can choose to hate you for anything, including the color of shoes you wear. That's going to be up to him. You need to consider getting some professional help in dealing with this situation. Don't let him throw a guilt trip on you.
2007-12-21 08:02:39 · answer #6 · answered by doug 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry to have to tell you this but it's not up to you like. Your concern should be what is this country like, is this girl looking to get married. What are the threats to Americans or foreigners to this country. I know the whole mama knows best thing is kicking it. I would give him approval if he can answer all your question about this country with facts to back it up and tell him that if he wants to go see her so bad then he will come up with a percent of the money.
2007-12-21 08:01:37 · answer #7 · answered by Grip greasie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is 19 he's old enough to go and spend a little vacation with a girl he must really like her if he is willing to travel to see her. I thank you should give him the chance and go, besides he is open with you guys and you know, some parents would wish to have that, think about it?
2007-12-21 08:05:49 · answer #8 · answered by Tony Tony Tony 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe he would ever hate you for that, however, he is 19 years old and is an adult so I think he can make his own decisions. My parents just now realized I am 21 and can make my own decisions. You should at least try to like his new girlfriend. Give her a chance, he will appreciate it. And let him live his life or he possibly could resent you for it.
2007-12-21 07:59:08 · answer #9 · answered by Floridagirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the answer unfortuantly is: yes, u need to let him go his heart was broken from a death of a girlfriend. He is very fragile and in an emotional state let him go and hang out with the girl for a while if she makes him feel good she could be his salvation. U dont want him to add the hate of his mother to his mournful heart and the loss of another love if they loose touch.
2007-12-21 07:58:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Use you best judgment. It's all you can do. He won't hate you.. I tell my girls that it's my first job at being a Father, and I'm doing the best that I can. And if it's wrong later I will take the blame. You can't always give them reasons.. My Dad always said,"Son, one day you will understand" he was right. Being a parent is just as hard if not harder than being a teenager.
2007-12-21 08:00:09 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋