My boyfriend has a 4 year old daughter and it drives me crazy that he has already been through so much with someone else. I kno I shouldnt but I found some pictures of him and his ex, nothing bad, but I get so jealous. How do I get over this or can I? The mother is back and forth between being a mom and then not seeing her daughter for a week or more, and when his daughter was a year she took off completely for several months (drugs). I feel for his daughter since I was in a similar position as a child. But at the end of the day I know I am not her mother and that she already has a mother. In her baby book there is a picture of my boyfriend with his arms around his ex's stomach while she was pregnant. I get so jealous that he shared so much with someone else. What do I do?
2007-12-21 07:36:02 · 10 answers · asked by CuriousAl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I want to add that I got pregnant after being with him only 4 months in a long distance relationship and yes i wanted the baby and yes i know it was a horrible thing to do and i will regret it for the rest of my life, but I was stupid and scared and didnt have my boyfriends support....And now it drives me crazy because I have his daughter as a constant reminder of what I lost and I get so jealous that he was there for his ex (tho they were together for a year and a few months when she got pregnant) and that he wasnt there for me.
2007-12-21 07:56:26 · update #1
Find a new boyfriend that has no children, has never had a girlfriend and is a virgin. Your expectations of him are completely unrealistic. People have lives and he had one before he met you. I take it you are a virgin and have never had a boyfriend before, otherwise you are being very hypocritical.
If you cant handle it dump him and move on because this man and his daughter deserve an understanding caring woman in their lives, not a self centered jealous person.
2007-12-21 07:41:51 · answer #1 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to realize that the BF is a package deal. You get to deal with his daughter and his ex, as well as his family. As you both get older, this will only become more and more common.
I do not recommend moving in with him until after you have a solid commitment, a ring on your finger and a set wedding date. There is no point to giving a guy the full benefits of marriage without him earning it. Divorces are relatively cheap. You should go for the full benefits package instead of being left out there hanging as a common-law wife.
2007-12-21 07:45:19 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't change what happened in the past. You have to deal with the fact that this is his daughter. Financially, emotionally, morally he is obligated to this li'l girl! This is a problem is young love, er ah sex! You have to accept this, deal with it and moreso, if you want to do the right thing, be a friend to this li'l girl. It's a shame about the bio-mom, so the girl is out of kilter as it is. Offer support to this child, if you love him, and help him with supporting her (emotionally at least). Be an adult and deal with it.
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Don't know if he told you about his daughter before your baby, but I'm sorry for your loss. I understand now why this is hard for you AND you need to talk to him about this. If you two continue on in this relationship, understand that the li'l girl is the innocent one, just unfortunately one who reminds you constantly of what you lost. You may need to seek counseling to help you through this AND bring him with you - this is a package deal. Feel strong within yourself and be your own person.
2007-12-21 07:45:03 · answer #3 · answered by Empress Jan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with some of the answers you got already.
Sounds to me like you have issues you need to deal with...and the sooner you do, the better!
Perhaps you could consider going to therapy or counseling, so you can try to discover what the roots for your insecurity and jealousy lie. If you don't do anything about these feelings, you will harm yourself, this man and the girl, too.
Good luck.
2007-12-21 10:57:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You had better learn to cope with that jealousy or else find a guy without kids.
You have a history as well, and it's not like anyone can go back and change anything.
Either accept what is before you, or move on.
2007-12-21 07:50:30 · answer #5 · answered by Ella 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get some counseling, sweetheart. the themes are complicated and lasting. detect a solid scientific Social worker (MSW/ LCSW) , and tell them what you have written right here to us. that's considerable which you get this worked out. little ones experience while they don't look to be needed, or if there's a controversy concerning them...and that would stay with them for their existence. Sounds to me like resentment, lack of self belief, jealousy and not somewhat problem with coping with your man or woman subjects of self id and adulthood in emotional administration are appearing up right here. flow get some counseling asap! that's my maximum suitable advice to you as a former therapist myself... solid luck!!! each and each of the main suitable desires to you... ~Shiva~
2016-10-02 05:37:56 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are just insecure about where you stand with him. You just need reassurance. As long as you don't resent the daughter for your jealousy, try to get over it.
2007-12-21 07:46:06 · answer #7 · answered by StephiPets 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't handle the fact that he had a child before you came along, you shouldn't be with him. Let him be free to find someone who can handle it.
2007-12-21 07:41:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
With all due respect, Get over it !
2007-12-21 07:42:30 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
drop this loser.
2007-12-21 08:21:59 · answer #10 · answered by chrystal meth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋