My MIL bad mouths me. I am always nice to them. I am good to their son. I am a good mother to their grandchildren. I feel like on our visits she looks for bad things in me and talks about them to everyone when she goes home. She always tries to make the case that I am mean and controlling of my husband, which my husband and I laugh about because it's so untrue. Since I had twins I have been about 10 lbs overweight and she says I am fat. She talks badly about my SILs too so it's not just me. She treats me like an outsider. At my BIL's wedding she told me I would not be ushered down the aisle because I was not part of the family (a small matter but I thought that was pretty rude). My parents treat my husband like a son. They have welcomed him with open arms and they do not speak badly about him. I just wish it were the same for me. It makes our visits hard. I usually end up feeling pretty badly after our visits. I wish I could visit his family and be happy.
2007-12-21 07:04:26 · 13 answers · asked by twinmom 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sounds like to me she feels threatend by other females coming into the family.
Did you try having your husband talk to her and asking her to quit doing this?
He should have already done this if his loyalty lyes with you!!!
2007-12-21 07:10:20 · answer #1 · answered by liv3wire ~ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She is obviously threatened by other women and dislikes the fact that her sons have someone to love other than her.
Calling all her daughters-in-law mean and controlling is the pot calling the kettle black.
What you might consider doing is get together with the other SILs and confront her as a group and call her down on her bad behavior. Since everyone will be there for Christmas, that will be ideal... sure it will be a funky vibe, but not like taking more abuse from the old harpie.
Your other option is to stay away from the in-laws' house altogether, and keep your kids away from them. This policy will weigh heavy on them later on when they will see that the kids are old enough to be fun, and worse later on when they are infirm and not able to do things for themselves.
If you had twins, you should be PROUD that you are only struggling with 10 pounds. Congratulations.
2007-12-21 07:27:06 · answer #2 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many mother in laws are like yours and even worse. I would not let her get to you. If the rest of the family knows you then they also will realize she is jealous of you. After all you took her son the perfect man she raised away from her. The sad part is her family lets her go on about you rather then not entertain her talking about you. Your husband also needs to remind his dear mother that you are his family and she needs to stop treating you like an outsider. I would keep my distance and spend more time with your husband at your families. Why spend holidays were your not welcome, Maybe if she learns how to act her children will want to be around her more.
2007-12-21 07:50:46 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do we have the same MIL?
My MIL told everyone that me and DH would get married "over her dead body." That was one of the nicer things she's said. Of course, when I got pregnant with twins, she was sweet as pie. But that only lasted for a little while.
I've learned to just shut my mouth when I'm around them. Then afterwards, I get together with my girlfriends and we laugh about how crazy and her and my SILs are. Every time they say or do something that I can't stand, I think about laughing about it with my girlfriends later. It makes it easier to deal with them.
2007-12-21 08:19:18 · answer #4 · answered by sammie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry...but I would be evil and nasty. I'd tell her "Sure, I control your son. I dress up in black leather each night and have him crawl nude on the floor as I hit his backside with a riding crop". As far as "ME" being overweight...it appears that the photo in your high school yearbook was taken from an airplane. True, you're not part of the family...you have your OWN family. I had the same situation years ago and basically told my MIL that her daughter was NOW my wife and if you want to see her on future visits, I suggest you hide your feelings and pretend you're my best bud.
2007-12-21 07:21:01 · answer #5 · answered by butch 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
iI'm in the same boat. My husband and I don't talk to her anymore...It's been about a year. I see no other solution, she just doesn't change. Actually she changed for the worst because at the beginning it wasn't like that. It got worse when we had kids. I guess at that point it became obvious that we were for real and I wasn't going anywhere. She has seen our youngest son just once since he was born in Jan of this year...We waited 4 years before having kids. we've now been married for 8
2007-12-21 07:11:47 · answer #6 · answered by delina_m 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to be in a situation like that with my mother in law as well. She didn't quite get that bad but she did get a bit meddlesome. She would say that I said things to her that I actually did not say or she would blow things I said out of proportion. My husband knew better than to believe what she was saying about me and had a talk with her and it has gotten a lot better now. She was having issues with another female being in her son's life. You know, jealous issues and she also moved far away while my husband and I were still dating and she felt like she was farther away than she thought she would be so that starting coming out in the form of guilt trips. But, like I said my husband talked to her about things and it has been better. Your husband needs to talk his mother and let her know that the way she is treating you is not acceptable. As your husband he really and truly needs to stick up for you.
2007-12-21 11:21:58 · answer #7 · answered by Strong Happy Marriage 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where is your husband in all this and why isnt he standing up and telling her to shut her yap because you are the woman he loves and the mother of his children? A few choice words from him such as..."If you cant respect my wife you are no longer welcome in our home" would change things. She would either quit coming over or change her tune. Are your children hearing what she is saying because if so her influence is far worse then just hurting you, she is harming the entire family. She is abusive and your husband, if he isnt a wimp, needs to step up and put a stop to this now.
2007-12-21 07:49:51 · answer #8 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mine is the same... There's always something she doesn't like. It did bother me especially when my husband stayed neutral. I don't go out of my way for them anymore, I don't invite them for dinner, I don't call them. My husband does all the talking (phone calls). She's a selfish person and she'll never change. When I see her at family partys I do acknowledge her but that about it. No more conversations that she twists around.
2007-12-21 17:32:11 · answer #9 · answered by cargo3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People can only treat you badly if you allow them too! As hard as it is, walk up to her, kiss & hug her telling her how great it is to see her!! Feel good about YOU! And feel good about who YOU are! Let the snide remarks roll off... And if she pops off with something in front of everyone have a silly little come back to throw her off! Something like, "Oh Mom, surely you don't think that!" and wink at her when you say it!!!
2007-12-21 07:11:48 · answer #10 · answered by T. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband needs to tell his mother to grow up and stop acting like a matriarch.
My ex-mil was rude to me as well and my ex never stood up for me.
I tried to be polite and bite my tongue, but it got to the point when I went off on her and had nothing more to do with his family.
2007-12-21 07:55:18 · answer #11 · answered by Ella 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋