No friends, never had relationship, anti-social, heavy depression, and miserable. 21 years old?

Question

i have a major issue. i'm 21 and i have NO friends, and i've never even had a relationship with a woman. as you can imagine, my days are BORING as crap. i usually stay online for unhealthy amount of hours (think all day you're not far off) play videogames, or watch tv, or a combination, and i'm absolutely going insane. i've always had a problem all throughout school where i was EXTREMELY shy and i can't even talk to people. i'm scared to death to just go up and say hi to someone. i've found i'm not TOTALLY hopeless i've TRIED talking on the phone with someone i met in an AOL chatroom (and made friends with online) and well..after 45 mintues of quietness i managed to actually talk to her...it was back to square one the next day and we faught online so that ended before it started. i've never been able to overcome this crazy problem i've had, and i feel suicidal (although i've never cut or contemplated suicide, i just have depressive feelings of wanting to die) where can i meet people...

and how can i get over this MAJOR problem i have?

basically i cry myself to sleep many nights...and alot of the time i can't sleep at all and i just involve myself HEAVILY in videogames/tv/music ect to keep myself relatively sane, but this can't go on much longer...

i saw some of the responses and i agree i have issues, but i think some of you are getting the wrong idea. i clearly said i have feelings where i wish i were dead (because obviously im miserable and friend-less) i never SAID i was contemplating suicide, i never cut or did drugs, or anything insane or lethal to myself. but im depressed enough where it's probably very unhealthy, (and i already do 35-40 minute a-day walks, and its helped nothing for me except keep my stamina up)

Answer 1

Get off the internet and talk to your doctor.

=[ I'm sorry and good luck.

Answer 2

Been there, doctors are not the answer. You are in charge of yur own destiny. Make yourself be strong and overcome this, when you are feeling great you will wonder how/why could I feel that down. I have had four months of that lately. Now, without medication I am through the otherside. Approaching the GP is bad.

Net people are not friends.

You need to get yourself out of the house, whether you have a job or do voluntary work... take a deep breath and cross the threshold. Once you have done that, it's the worst thing that can happen.

You need to have communication with others, verbal is the better version, it keeps you sane, better to be around self-obsessed drudges than no-one, then at least you have something to laugh about, and thank God you won't end up like those.

Merry Christmas

If you need any support, try Connexions.co.uk, forget Samaritans, they are nosey women listening to you without offering advice.

Get off the PC and get out into the open, beyond your front door.

Answer 3

First of all, you have stamina goin' for ya! ...Sounds like you need some good ole antidepressents to help with the lack of seratonin...a chemical imbalance..a mood disorder. Had depression/anxiety all my life..at least since age 5. People mistook it for shyness, but actually I was more like withdrawn. I hated social situations of any kind. Would get so anxious about not feeling "normal", I would get either very angry or very depressed. I would sleep too much or not hardly at all. Sometimes, I would think of death as my way out. I'm not a kid, I'm 48. Didn't see a doc about my "problem" until my early 40's. And what a difference one little pill a day has made! I swear. I don't have much anxiety, I'm definitely more social, and no more "dark" days. You are only 21, a mere baby compared to me. Don't wait like I did. I did have to try a couple different meds to see what worked for me, but it was worth it. I didn't know life could be this good! Hugs to you!

Answer 4

This sucks - probably the best thing to do is to get the ball rolling in the right direction. The easiest way to do this for most people is to schedule an appointment with a doctor and see if they can prescribe an antidepressant - Welbutrin is a good one to try. Give the drug a few weeks to work. Sometimes (actually most of the time) people need to try several antidepressants before finding one that works without causing unacceptable side effects.

The anti-depressants can make a huge difference in the way you feel and think - if you find one that works, is feels like it switches on your brain so things are lot more interesting, and some things are even fun again. It makes it much easier to get out an meet people and do things.

Answer 5

It sounds like you're suffering from social anxiety disorder. I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you (other than to seek professional help) as I'm pretty much in the same situation right now. I'm also 21 and suffer from pretty severe social phobia. I spend a lot of time on the internet, watching tv or movies to take my mind off the fact that my life is meaningless. It's pretty frustrating when the thing that you want the most (social interaction, relationships) is also what you fear the most. Just know you're not alone.

Answer 6

First of all get off the computer and stop playing video games. Making internet buddies never works because you will probably never meet them and you cant be real freinds with them. Join a group, find a job and make friends. You stated that you dont have any friends. Well, the best way to get some is to strike up a conversation with at least 5 people where ever you happen to be [church, school, etc] and out of the 5 find a few that you think you like and talk more. Soon youll be friends with them if they respect you. If you mope and sulk all day about not having any friends then your going absoulutley no where. So get up and get out and talk to people. You may not be the most like person but if you find a few good freinds you wont have anything to compalin about.

Answer 7

Well, I seem to be having similar issues. Although I am not shy whatsoever.

Why are you afraid of talking/going up to people? Do you have places to meet people? Do you go to school? Do you have a job?

What you need to realize is that taking a chance with a person just by talking to them, saying hi, is better then doing nothing. If the person doesn't like you or whatever, oh well big deal. But often, people are kinder then they appear and can often feel the same way you do, shy and nervous. You have to let go of what people think and just do it because at least you can say you tried. I had the same problem but you just have to be comfortable with yourself and hold your head up high.

If you wanna meet people, go somewhere where everyone is in the same situation as you. Kinda like where no one knows anybody and you have make casual chit-chat until you meet some cool people that you are comfortable with. Like join a club, sport, or a gym. You could also go clubbing or do volunteer work. I know lots of people who meet through volunteer work at a community center.

And don't rely on IM for your social interactions. I had the same problem for about 2 years. It helps in long run if you try to find real people to talk to you.

You can't let things pass you by, make a change. Lots of people feel the same way you do. Join a clubs or go out and meet people. Get comfortable with people and just slowly move your way up to bigger things where there are lots of people. Just get used to saying hi even if you think it was stupid or lame, not all people are heartless. GET A HOBBY. Then you cant talk about it with other people, they will be interested in odd hobbies then you can even join a club (convo starter which you are comfortable with :D)

Good luck!

Answer 8

Well hon, I'm no psychiatrist but I am older and wiser. The first thing you have to do is get out of the house. You are spending way too much time glued to TV and games, it's enough to depress anybody. There must be something you like doing, even if it's just playing cards or reading. Join a group, get involved in something or just go for walks. You would be surprised at the people you meet just by walking and it's free. You could volunteer at your local hospital or food bank. If you see how bad some people have it, it takes your mind off yourself. Good luck to you and God bless.

Answer 9

First of all, you should be proud of yourself for not turning to any sort of drug, including alcohol. That shows a great amount of personal strength even if you feel you haven't just because you never hung out with people that do do those things. Secondly I'm impressed that you haven't hurt yourself physically, I'm glad for you, honestly. When I went through Highschool I too was very shy, but I doubt I was to your extent. There is a lot of help for people that have a shyness problem, because a lot of people have this problem. There are a lot of ways to get help, but I can understand how difficult it can be, especially when the problem is shyness! What I would suggest is doing little things to start out, such as go to a grocery store and ask someone the time, or drop your walet when you leave, and when someone behind you picks it up for you, say thank you. Try to create extremely simple "conversations" . Like asking the time, saying thank you, or do something for someone else so they say thank you to you and you can respond with something like "no problem" like opening a door for someone. A very good way to break shyness is through a job. Although it's very difficult to get a job, it helps because it's at jobs that many people make friends. I'm really interested in helping you with your problem and if you'd like to stay in contact you can send me a message on myspace or something :)
http://www.myspace.com/pbtwitch
I hope I helped a little bit, maybe sometime I can play a game with you online!

Answer 10

Hi! I'm really sorry to read that you've actually contemplated suicide because of your situation. Where do you live? Do you have neighbors close to your age that you can hang out with? If not, are you in school? If so, pretend that you need to borrow a pen/pencil from someone. Then introduce yourself. That's a god way to start a conversation. If not, try chatting with someone online. Maybe a guy so you don't feel as shy with him than you would with a girl. Then maybe you can meet him if there's not too much distance in between the both of you.

It sucks to be in your situation because not only do you not have friends, you're also really shy so it's harder for you to communicate with ppl. :( But take it one step at a time. Talk to someone.. it's not as hard as you make it out to be. :)

Good luck!

Answer 11

find a local drum circle and go there...

you should be able to find one online or by going into a local music store....

if you're in a temperate climate, they could be outdoors or around a fire pit or in some sheltered place, or indoors... they're usually free... if a store is sponsoring it, there might be a minimal charge, but it wouldn't be more than $10 or so at the most...

don't talk... just watch and listen... people who communicate through music -- the universal (even galactically universal) language... you don't need to play anything, but you could borrow a drum... it's a great way to blow off frustration... eventually, you might even meet someone who you can talk to...

but GO OUT dammit... too long on the internet can suck your brain...

AND:
feeling suicidal is no small tihng... even if you had no other signs of depression, it would be grounds to get yourself to a doctor... DO THAT NOW...

depression is a vicious circle... you can't just make yourself "snap out of it" ... once you are depressed, your brain chemistry changes, no matter how healthy you were before...

SEE A DOCTOR NOW... there are anonymous help numbers you can call... look for a suicide helpline to start...

Please

Please

Suzanne