Should I go to my parents Christmas dinner?

Question

Here is my issue..... Every year my parents choose to invite all their friends to Christmas dinner. In addition, last year they invited all the extended family too, that I might add, brought all their crazy boyfriends. I have asked my mother to just have our family for Christmas day, so that we (Meaning, my brothers family and mine) can have a quiet, special Christmas. I have been asking this for years. This year was supposed to be the year. Or so I was told by my mother. She now claims that because of her being sick and having to take pain medication for a bad ear infection, that she doesn't remember ever having our conversation about it. Even if it were the case, I have asked every year.I just found out that she invited her friends AGAIN. I had to say to her," We respectfully decline your invitation this year." Now I am getting the third degree from my father.Things seem like they will never change. They won't take our feelings or my brothers family's into account. Should I go?

Answer 1

no. don't go. she backed out on you and has not taking your feelings into account at all this year or ever!
You have to hold out by not going and making your point. hopefully next year will be better.

Answer 2

Instead of making the appetizer or desert (pressure all them sitting round and taking the first mouthful), why not make the 'antipasti' - the bits for before the meal while everyone is talking and chatting and just eating? You need some great olives to serve alone along with some pecorino cheese - just cut into thin slices and let people help themselves. Also some good prosciutto ham and obviously some fantastic bread. Put some olive oil and balsamic olive oil dips. We aso have some bruschetta - garlic covered toasted bread topped iwth a mixture of tomato (squeeze the juice out before finely chopping) finely chopped basil, garlic and salt and pepper. Also have a 75/25 mix of whizzed black olive and tuna with added olive oil (sounds odd tastes delicious). You can also put out some salsa or buy in some hummus. This way you get to do most of the work before you get there, it is impressive BUT not intrusive on aunt sally's famous peach cobbler, and you still get to enjoy the party. I would also serve prosecco instead of champagne - much better with salty foods. Have a great time.

Answer 3

Yes you should go, even for a short visit. I understand that you want a quiet family dinner, but your parents have different ideas. Maybe some year you could invite everyone to your house, maybe not even on Christmas Day, to celebrate as a family.

Answer 4

I agree with you that Christmas should just be your family. I do not think I would go this year. I think that I would get with my brother and our families have Christmas together and ask Mom and Dad to come to one of your houses instead of theirs. If they do not like it they do not have to come do they! But this way you have not excluded them from Christmas and are having the Christmas that you and your brother really want to have in the first place. Maybe next year they will do it differently or... you and brother can have your Christmas with your family on another day that their friends will not be there. We do this in our family. We have Christmas with our parents and have our own personal family Christmas on Christmas day. Hope I have helped.

Answer 5

Drop in and drop off your presents and maybe a bottle of wine, then get out before it gets too rowdy.

Host a quiet family dinner either on the night before or the next day... and have it the way you want it. There is no reason why you can't have your siblings' families all contribute to the feast as well.

Answer 6

Christmas time is definently a time for family but if the situation doesnt make you comfortable, then dont go. Or maybe you could just make an appearance but not stay for dinner. Maybe if you stick to your decision and show her that it really does bother you, she will make a change for next year. Sometimes actions speak louder than words. Good Luck.

Answer 7

It really depends on how you will feel after the fact of going or not going. If you go, will you kick yourself in the butt for 'giving in'? Or will you be able to set aside your differences and enjoy the time with them? If you don't go, will the guilt eat you up?

I face a similar situation with my mother who lives out of state. She comes down every November for my nephew's birthday. When my daughter was born in April three years ago, she said she'd come down in April also. Of course, when her first birthday came along she didn't remember saying it. Needless to say she hasn't been here at all in April and doesn't have any plans to do so. Now the problem is my second child was born in November. So, when they get older, my first child is going to notice that Grandma only comes for her sister's birthday and not hers. Every April I get very angry and hurt but I haven't said anything about it yet because I don't want to cause any rifts and I believe that my children would be the ones to lose out. I guess my point is that instead of focusing on what I want, I'm going to wait to do something about it until it affects my children.

Answer 8

I have a similar situation, but involves family from a 2nd marriage. I've suggested many times to get together for mom and son time, since I dislike her spouse for good reasons. She still tried to pressure me into being "part of the family". Some people just don't get the hint. Follow your instincts, if someone doesn't respect your feelings, then lay down the law clearly, and suggest alternatives. If they don't want to compromise, then so be it. I know how tough that can be, trust me.

Answer 9

I wouldn't go. That's selfish of her not to have a nice real family dinner. If she cares so much about all those extra friends and extended family then let her have her Christmas with them. You and your brothers family should have your own little dinner and tell her how great it was after.

Answer 10

I believe that you should do what makes you happy on Christmas. And going there sounds miserable. Your parents didn't respect your wish which you told them far in advance. You gave them fair warning. So, no, you don't have to go. Another person here gave a great suggestion - have your parents over another night for the private celebration.

Answer 11

Your bother's family and yours should have Christmas breakfast at your house and invite just your parents...maybe she will understand the neccesity for closeness and could become a new tradition.