I have a mother that I truely love very much and all she does is talk about my grandmother, uncle and yes, even her own daughter's all the time. I believe she suffer's from bi-polar. The problem is she never stops bad mouthing everyone. Everytime she calls it downing someone. Sad to say it's mostly family. Now Christmas is 4 days away and my grandmother wants nothing to do with her anymore or my uncle even my brother-n-law. The family always got together every holiday season and my sister calls me and tells me everything she is saying about us. My nerves are shot. I'm on xanax now. I'm the softhearted one of the family and I actually had to block her number from reaching me anymore. it's hurts me to do this but my health is being affected now. Is this wrong of me to do? My poor grandmother helped her out and her son several times and this is how were all being treated. Please someone help me to make me feel better!!!
2007-12-21 06:21:34 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Bi-polar persons have tendency to lose it or rant and rave and can say things that are really really rude or abusive, but that is no excuse for their behavior. My son in law has this and hurt our family tremendously, mostly before my daughter married him. You did (blocking her number) what you needed to do to protect yourself and your family, it was the right thing to do. For us, we did not let SIL in our home for over a year, we wanted our home to be a safe place and having him here would not have let us feel emotionally safe; we did eventually let him in but only when he apologized. Hopefully one day you will have the courage to tell her what she has done and is like and why you did what you did or might continue to do. Let other family members know that they also can block her number like you have done to prevent further detriment to themselves. Remember it is not your fault that your mother is the way she is.
2007-12-21 06:48:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If someone is making you ill then you really have no choice then to stay away from them. Do not feel guilty about it because this woman is getting what she reaps and maybe in the long run when no one wants any more to do with her she may realize that she is hurting people with her mouth. Sometimes we have no choice then to make people face up to the things they do wrong because they will just go on doing it.
I can't say that it was wrong for you to do when you blocked her phone calls. You had to do something for your own health and peace of mind. I may have told her I was going to do it before I did it though. I may have told her the reason why I could not talk to her any more and also tell her how she upsets the whole family.
I wonder if anyone has ever bothered to tell her. It will probably go on till someone does confront her. Too bad the whole family can not confront her at once then she would have no way of talking behide each of your backs.
My grandmother was a woman like this and she would call up and have the whole family upset all the time. The family got together and decided to tell each other everything she said each time and then we would all confront her. It certainly put a stop to her poison pen letters and bad phone calls to all of us.
I stopped picking up the phone when she would call me and I did not feel guilty at all about it! I did tell her if she could not say anything good about anyone that I did not want to here what she had to say and I hung up. Cold but true!! I did not feel guilty and you should not either. Life is too short to have to put up with someone that makes us upset all the time.
2007-12-21 06:40:01 · answer #2 · answered by craft painter 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mother in law is mentally ill and I can some what relate to you. Her family wants nothing to do with her as well because of the drama and problems she causes. My family thinks she a wacko and also will not come if she is going to be there.
She literal drains you emotionally with all the bitching and moaning about someone in the family.
Rather then pop pills to deal with it. Distance yourself and know until she accepts help for her problem and goes on medication there is nothing you can do. Listening and feeling sorry just shows her behavior is acceptable when it is not.
Try and enjoy the holidays.
2007-12-21 07:00:19 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get together with your grandma and see if you two can host a Christmas dinner for the rest of the family. I think that will help take the edge off.
You may be facing filing the "Baker Act" on her to get your mom institutionalized so she can get some help.
Talk to your local United Way agency for guidance... they know how to access the system for assistance.
2007-12-21 07:50:58 · answer #4 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I speak from personal experience: You need to do what is best for you! My family is the same way and I have cut myself off from most of them. I have tried for over 20 years to be the peacemaker and to get along with everyone. But after affecting my physical and mental state, I decided that if they want to be a part of my life, they need to play by my rules. It's difficult but, as my aunt says (who cut herself off from everyone except three people), life is more peaceful and enjoyable and less stressful. The important thing for me to remember is that, although unlikely, they can change and if they do I'll let them back into my life.
2007-12-21 07:20:31 · answer #5 · answered by ladyjander 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I myself had gone through 28 years of trying to "Fix" my Mom. At age 39 I had to remove her from my life. I finally stood up to her and she continued to torment me through turning my Brother and one of his kids against me. I figure one day they will either get as strong as me and see through it all. I can not let the abuse continue as my children are older now and see it themselves. I had to cut her off for their sake and my and my husband's sake. Enough is enough. The things she says are hard for other people to even imagine. She has gone as far as saying that I needed to go look in the mirror and see who I looked like (my father) and that is why she hated me plus she hates my children because they are a product of me. That was it, right there. She stepped over that boundary and started on my kids. I can't say it doesn't hurt anymore but it does hurt a lot less than it did before. Hang onto whatever family you have left and be glad you have them. I am hanging onto my children and husband and with that sickness not being around to influence them will hopefully allow them to have a clean slate in life. Do it for you too so you can be happy for the remainder of your special life you can build without her messing it up.
2007-12-24 07:46:11 · answer #6 · answered by Julie B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are in a very scary situation, and I admire you for being so strong. This is the right thing to do, and I think you know in your heart that it is. Your mother needs help, and it's better for you to stay away for a while while she gets it. Why hurt yourself emotionally? Hope this helps!
2007-12-21 06:30:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never let what other people do and say bring you down. Be yoou give all the love you can.May God Bless You. Merry Christmas.
2007-12-21 06:29:14 · answer #8 · answered by LDJ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not wrong. You have to first protect yourself against unwanted abuse. Your mom needs professional help. If she refuses to get it, then she has to take the consequences. People can't tolerate endless abuse.
2007-12-21 06:28:50 · answer #9 · answered by Marina 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yep, she's disturbed!
2007-12-21 06:28:59 · answer #10 · answered by Regina Thunderpants 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋