Ok, my boyfriend's dad apparently got kicked out of his wife's house, and HIS parent's house, and now is trying to come stay with me and my boyfriend. I really like his dad, but I honestly don't want him living with us. He doesn't work, he is an alcoholic, he smokes pot, and is a convicted felon! I don't want that in our home, we work too hard! Plus, I know he won't contribute to our household so we will be taking care of him while he lays around all day, and I don't want him in our house by himself when we are at work! And not only that, but he will be around 24/7 and we won't be able to go anywhere or do anything without him tagging along, which I hate! Not to mention if we get into a fight or something. I just won't be comfortable. How can I talk to my boyfriend about this, and tell him how I feel, without sounding cold and uncaring? I do feel bad for his dad, but I know he brings a lot on himself, and he shouldn't depend on his 20-year old son and me to take care of him.
2007-12-21 06:06:32 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
If you really care about this man, find out if there are drug rehabilitation programs in your city. Get him to join Alcoholics Anonymous. As a last resort, there is a prescription medication that his doctor can prescribe that will make it impossible for him to drink alcohol. And if he's depressed, he should see his family doctor for treatment and a referral to a mental health professional.
Whatever you do, don't take him in on his terms. If he stays with you, he has to get and stay clean and sober. He has to find a job. There has to be a time limit (3 months, for example). Enforce the time limit, or he'll be staying with you for the rest of his (probably very short) life. Help him find a job. Offer your help generously and without hesitation. Let him know that you care, and that's why you want him to clean up.
But it's important that you provide motivation for him, because if you let him do things on his own time, he'll likely never clean up his act.
It's not your job to do all of this, or his son's, but sometimes the kids are the most responsible people in a family. If your boyfriend's dad means something to you and your boyfriend, then it's worthwhile to help him get sober. Help is what he needs now, not later. It will only get worse otherwise, and then it might be too late.
2007-12-21 06:32:24 · answer #1 · answered by jont80 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would think your boy friend would not want him around any more then you would. I guess I would tell my boyfriend that having him there might get you both into trouble if he smokes pot. He could very well get caught doing it and then they would come and tear up your home to try to find more of it and of course they would feel you all were part of it. If he had any pot in the house at all then you could get into the same trouble that he would be getting into.
To be honest I would talk to his wife that threw him out and ask her what you can do and maybe she can help with your boyfriend so that you are not being the heavy about all of this. After all she still is his wife.
2007-12-21 06:17:40 · answer #2 · answered by craft painter 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
speedy respond: Your dad is unsuitable with regard to the rationalization of action and the specifics of what could ensue if somebody is injury. That being mentioned, he's suitable that trampolines are criminal accountability magnets and would motive his coverage quotes to flow up or ought to intent some authorized problems sometime. long respond: Your dad is very stressed even although lots of the time precise. "Nuisance" is a tort (civil purpose of action), even although gives you with something distinctive (nuisance suits contain issues which deprive human beings of their rights to adventure their components or public rights. For representation: barking doggies, heavily polluting factories, and a great style of others). "alluring nuisance" is greater often than not what he recommendations-set. This tort enables father and mother to sue landowners every time a straight forward threat that's alluring to little ones (e.G. Swimming holes) reasons harm to their little ones. That being mentioned, there are some entertainment use rules that immunize landowners who enable (or do not limit) others from pursuing entertainment events on their land see you later because of the fact the landowner was willfully or maliciously negligent. i'm undecided the region he won the dollar cost and there are actually not any criminal regulations that cut back coverage coverage plans for criminal accountability. i could ward off a trampoline considering you or actual one in all your acquaintances will almost oftentimes be injury.
2016-10-02 05:32:28 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is an addict, a mooch, and you know his history. He has taken advantage of everyone else in his life and now it is your BF's turn. You cannot trust an addict, because they will cheat, steal and lie to keep supporting their addiction... and have you supporting it too!
I suggest that you do NOT allow him to move in. If he does, you need to leave your BF to deal with it alone.
He will need to set a time limit for him being there... as in one month and he has to be out by "___ date". I will also suggest that he also put a keyed lock on your bedroom door (or at least your closet door) to keep this addict out of your stuff, lest he steal you blind.
What my sister did to get rid of some freeloading relatives:
Stopped the cable TV and internet service. Had the phone company disallow all long distance phone calls. Put a lock box on the thermostat. And QUIT buying groceries... except maybe the bare minimum peanut butter and bread. They moved out.
You will have to get rid of any alcohol and cough syrup around the house, and seach to eliminate it from among his stuff. The tougher you make it for him to live there, the better.
2007-12-21 08:01:59 · answer #4 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your boyfriend that you will not be a codependant, to help his Dad continue to ruin his live. He needs to seek help for his alcohol abuse, and with everyone giving him a free ride doesn't help him one bit. If he really wants to help his Dad he needs to say NO!!! If he won't then you might as well start packing, because your life will not be the same, and it will only get worse. Face facts DAD IS AN ALCOHOLIC!!! Tell him to get cleaned up and you will help him find a job and place to live when he gets clean. AA is right around the corner.
2007-12-21 06:29:20 · answer #5 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is the dealbreaker. Either your boyfriend tells his dad he can't move in with you all, or that's the end of the relationship. If he can be a man and tell his dad this, great. If not, then you'll know you're with a weenie.
2007-12-21 07:24:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he is a convicted felon buy a cheap pistol off some one put it under his car seat then dime him out(call his parole officer or call cops and say he was showing it while driving you can do this from a payphone give a fake name and they will pull him over then he will go back to prison you will need his car type and tag number and make sure you wipe your prints off it before you place it there)
2007-12-21 06:16:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
just say no. No you cannot live here period!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-12-21 06:17:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋