impossible to be happy?

Question

I beginning to think that it is impossible to be happy. I always try to blame it on my 'situations' such as marriage ect. I'm with someone that I adore. But, there are so many things on so many levels that I do not like about him. I find myself unhappy again....as always. I was a 'dark' depressed teenager. I was unhappy most of my 20's. Now, at 35 i am still unhappy. Is it possible that there is no pleasing me? I know that sounds selfish. But, I've tried antidepressants such as paxil (this made me think suicidal more so than usual) and also lexapro. I was still unhappy just real k sera sera about things when on them. Do you think it is just impossible for some people do be happy?

Well, I don't know whats making me upset. I do know that I'm stressed all the time. But, I'm beginning to think that I'm just naturally unhappy. lol. I can't think of anything that would make me happier except for the perfect flawless husband, millions in the bank, and hummm???

I have hobbies several of them. Also, I hate to leave the house. It's such a bother. I want to stay indoors all the time.

Answer 1

I think every human has something wrong with them in some way, physically or mentally, whether it be something big like schizophrenia or something small like a skin blemish. Perhaps you are just lacking in the happiness area. Maybe you are destined to be the crabby old woman on the block that is just never satisfied and that scares the little kids. LOL ;-)

More seriously...I'm the same age as you and I was in your boat and feeling that way awhile back- right down to the bad spouse and Paxil. Then I started realizing that my definition of happiness was all wrong. One of the gotcha's about "growing up" and getting older is realizing that things aren't what you always thought they were. I used to think happiness was having the perfect mate, perfect friends, perfect house, perfect everything. At the time I didn't think of the word "perfect" really, but that is how it was playing out in my head. I would have this type of job, make this kind of money, go here, do that, blah blah. The years slowly went by and hardly anything worked out like I expected. And some really bad things happened that I didn't expect. But some really good things that weren't expected happened too. Finally I think I'm starting to understand that what it takes to make me happy is more basic than I thought: I have shelter, warmth, food in abundance and a person I love to share my life with - no, it's not my dream house, far from it, and no we don't eat caviar every night, and no he isn't perfect, but he's wonderfully human and all mine. And that FEELING happy is less important. So.. sometimes when I'm feeling unhappy I think on these things, the things I usually take for granted but that are so wonderful to have. It makes me feel more appreciative and actually...happy.

Answer 2

Happiness is found within thats the bottom line. Sounds likes you could benefit from a good therapist to start getting to the root of your issues. Antidepressants can only do so much on their own, they aren't a magic bullet.

I don't believe there is any such notion as not pleasing you. I think your choosing not to be happy, if you put forth the effort into doing something that is intresting and different you would find yourself a happier person. Its easy to get in a rut and stay there.

Its harder to look inside yourself and work on your issues and take responsibility. Letting go of the past and moving on is a good way to get out of a rut. Albeit it not easy to do. Forgivess too is something that is very liberating, forgiveness is something that is very selfish, it's really done so that we can move past an issue and go forward to find happiness.

Find a good therapist and look inside yourself...before you start blaming others for your boredom or unhappiness. Time to get up off the pity pot. You'll thank yourself later.

Answer 3

I don't think it's impossible for anyone to be unhappy. I think that you've gotten yourself into a "slump" and as the years have gone by it's become harder and harder for you to pull yourself out. I've been through that myself. Antidepressants don't work for some people and I think that that's because the fact they're on antidepressants makes them even more miserable. I don't agree with putting chemicals in my body unless I really have to anyways. You might want to try taking a herbal remedy such as St. John's Wort. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._John's_wort) I took it for sometime, when I was a teenager and it does work. If you're taking other medication however, check with your doctor. Unfortunately, there's no "miracle cure" for depression. As stupid as it probably sounds, eating right and exercising really do help. You also need to get to the bottom of why you're feeling so unhappy. If your not doing so, visit a counselor or psychoanalyst. Sometimes just talking to someone really makes the difference. I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

It is a matter of perspective. Some people with a great number of things going against them are happy. Happiness like sadness is a fluctuating state. I don't think anyone can be happy all the time. I like to remember all the good things in my life, which by some standards, has been less than perfect. Why don't you try to make someone else happy. That always works for me. Depression is a very personal thing, however, and I will not try to give you advise about what is happening in your life. Sometimes things beyond our control do get to us. I think being very busy doing mindless things helps to keep our minds on something else. I really wish there was a magic answer that would help you. I am sending you positive thoughts and hope you feel better soon.

Answer 5

If you believe it is impossible, it will appear impossible. Stop blaming other things. It may sound harsh, but take responsibility for your happiness. You do have a choice. Some say you don't. If you believe that, you will not be able to practice it. Practice will help. Practice doing the things that you enjoy. I had very dark years of depression. I was also on paxil for many years. I used to get into the shower for many years wanting to soak and let the water hit me, "so i could feel better". Depression also becomes a habit. It becomes a pattern. Practice focusing on the good. There is so much to be thankful for. I found that because I focused so much on the depression it never went away. Focus on the happiness. I am sure there is some. Find it. You will do well.

Answer 6

I think you have a negative outlook on life... Keep this in mind, we aren't going to live forever so you should make the most of what you have. If you're really unhappy maybe you need to see a psychologist and talk about what is making you upset. Sometimes if you talk it though it helps. Meds are not always the answer

Answer 7

to be happy is not impossible but also not easy. today u r not happy with ur husband,but if not this may be there another thing in ur life which make u unhappy. so this is life, u are happy or unhappy life has to affect ur life. now it is upon you how u face ur difficulties and try to change ur unhappiness into happiness, you can make it possible by finding positives of ur partner and ignoring his negatives and be patient for the whole life

Answer 8

There has to be at-least on thing that makes you happy. A sunny day, a child's laugh, a man in a wheel chair with no legs but has the highest spirit of anyone on the street around him. You have to search for that something that does and think of it at your times of depression. Otherwise there is that chance that you wont think of the ones that love and care for you and you'll just blow your brains out with-out thought. Someone loves you. That should be some reason for happiness.

Answer 9

I live a very happy life, so I can't really relate. I think people who dread on every finite detail in their lives without stopping for just a second to think about what/who they have (ie you being married to someone you adore) are the types of people who will never be happy.

Just relax your mind, stop thinking about so many things, and try to enjoy time with your family.

Answer 10

I have learnt that there is only one person that can allow you to be happy and that is you! First you have to decide to be content with your lot and count every positive as a bonus and discount and ignore every negative. Focus on the good things and do everything you can to improve them. Deal with negative things, eg debt, bad relationships, as painlessly as you can and vow never to go there again. Then get on with your life and enjoy. There is a lot of pleasure to be had from everyday things. I live very simply and cheaply, I look for the good free things and savour them, eg a glorious sunset, a gallery, a museum, go to tourist information and get free guides for walks. Nobody else can make you happy - decide to be happy and get on with it. This outlook turned my life around - good luck.