I feel like a bad parent....?

Question

I was really frustrated this morning and was in a terrible mood and I told my child that I didn't want her anymore. I did apologize and I told my child that I didn't mean what I said. I still feel awful. What should I do? Has anyone else said this to their child?

Answer 1

We all have moments as parents we are not proud of and regret. Had you really meant it your child would know before you said that. Try to walk away and count to ten it helps me. I think you child already knows you didnt mean it. Enjoy the holidays with them! Best wishes to you!

And to all of you who are being so hard on them...Shame on you!!!! I am not dumb enough to believe that you are so perfect that you have never regreted anything you have done as a parent! Please, no one is that perfect, get over yourself already!

Answer 2

We All Do Mistakes And Our Mistakes Leads To Experience. You Did, But Realized And Apologized.

Don't Feel Awful. Your Pure Love Will Make Her Realize That You Love, Like And Care Her A Lot.

But From Now On Control Your Emotions And Before Saying Anything Realize That You Are Talking To Your Kid And Your Words Might Hurt Her Next Time. Cause Sometimes There Is Too Much Difference In What Parents Mean And What Kids Understand.

But Right Now It Does'nt Mean That You Are A Bad Parent. This Sometimes Happen Once With Every Parent.

Answer 3

I think you have gotten some very good advice (and some very bad!)

You are human! What's done is done. You can't undo it and you've done your best at making amends. Don't try to buy your child's love back and don't constantly bring it up once it's been resolved. If you love your child and truly didn't mean what you said, it should show in your relationship. Let go of the guilt- we all make mistakes. What your child is going to remember is your overall relationship. As long as it is loving and positive (which doesn't always mean that your child will be happy!) that is what your child will take away!

I know that my dad said some mean stuff to me as a kid stung and I thought I would never forget- but I honestly don't remember what they where!

Kids say "I hate you" all the time, they know that "words don't always mean." Even your good words won't mean if you don't follow through with good actions. How you treat your children day to day will matter the most, not one mistake. (But try not to repeat it!)

Also, it's good that you used it as a lesson and modeled for your child what to do when you hurt someone's feelings, and how to face the music when you've messed up! That's a neccessary skill to any relationship. It will serve your child well, as we all mess up and a LOT of people don't know how to admit that they are at fault and say they are sorry.

I think that you are doing a great job! If you were a bad parent you wouldn't feel bad, you would keep doing it and never appologize. You would insist that you can talk to your kids however you want just because they are YOUR children and you are the adult. Trust me, there are parents like that, and you are not one of them!

Answer 4

How old is your child?

You can't undo what you said. All you can do is sit down and tell your child that you were having a bad morning and that you feel terrible for taking your frustrations out on them. Reassure them that you didn't truly mean what you said and that what you said is not their fault. You also need to admit to your child that parents aren't always perfect. Promise to never take your personal problems out on your children and stick to it.

I'm sure some people are gonna tell you that what you did is terrible. You're a human being though. Just the same as everyone else. Lots of people react to things lots of different ways. Just learn from your mistake and move on. You are NOT a terrible parent. You are just a woman (or man) that was pushed to the end of her (or his) rope and blew up. Everyone has done it at one time or another. Maybe not towards their child, but towards their spouse, a friend, a co-worker, a neighbor....

Good luck.

Answer 5

I'm so sorry to hear that u've been to that point of saying something like that. I never said that to my kids.
Are you depressed? Sometimes when we're down we might say things we don't mean and then feel so guilty about it later, and it must hurt so much when u say it to the child. Depending on how old ur child is maybe she'll forget that and will act like nothing happened, if ur child is older I would definitelly have a serious talk with the child and say exactly what u feel, how sorry u are. Don't beat urself up too much about it, like I asked maybe u're going through some changes in ur life, too much happening at the same time, money problem, it all could cause depression, and maybe u need to talk with like a family therapist. Good luck to u, hope all works out! Be strong!

Answer 6

the bell's already been rung there. we all say things we don't mean sometimes, but with children you have to learn to think before you speak. nothing you can do now about what's already been done except reiterate how sorry you feel for saying what you said and make sure that you tell how much she really does mean to you and how much you love her. but in the future.....take a few deep breaths when you're frustrated and keep your mouth closed. don't say things that you don't mean. walk away from the child or whatever you have to do to keep from emotionally bruising your child, or worse physically hurting her, just because you're in a bad mood. you're a parent and (i hope) an adult....you should know better how to take control over your anger. you might consider some anger management classes if this is a situation you find yourself in repeatedly. trust me....i've been there when it comes to being frustrated with your child...i have four.....but you HAVE to control that temper!!!!

Answer 7

I think what you did was indeed horrible. Children remember things like that.
Saying 'sorry' doesn't help much either...

an analogy would be hammering a nail into a fence then pulling it out and saying 'I'm sorry" ---the scar is still there...

Try to assure the child that indeed you DO love her and want her. Lots of love, hugs, kisses, and tenderness will go a long way...(buying things to ease your guilt is not a good idea, though) Show affection...let her sit in your lap and read to her...that would be a good memory for her to counteract the bad one. Maybe spend a certain day each week with her doing things she likes to do...Children need all the love and affection and reassurance you can give, especially when being hurt in such a way.
Give her all the good memories you can give her.

That's what you should do! (perhaps an anger management class would help too.)

Answer 8

Aaaaw, the poor kid. But you know, as long as you explain to the child it should be ok, say this:

"Mommy was running late and was in a bad mood and said something very mean and bad and I am really sorry. Sometimes when we get mad we say things we don't mean. I love you very much and always will love you and want you to be my baby forever. Please forgive me."

That's all you can do, but you have to make her/him understand that people say things they don't mean when they are angry. Even though it's wrong, it happens.

Don't feel like a bad parent, although we all feel that way sometimes. When my son is being really really bad and I warn him several times that I will spank his hiney and he is bad anyway and I end up spanking him I feel guilty too. I think moms always find a way to feel guilty, lol!

But seriously, I think you should display more self control in the future because not only will you save the child the heartache you will also teach the child to have control over what they say too.

Good Luck!

P.S. don't let people on here feel like sh*t, they get off on making you feel bad. Most act like they have never made a mistake before. And they all know what a "bad" parenting is and what you did is far far from that.

Answer 9

I haven't said that before, but I have said things that I regretted instantly and didn't mean. Sometimes when we are frustrated and stressed, it happens. I would explain this to your child that sometimes people say things without thinking them through and end up saying things they don't mean and hurting the people they love. Reinforce the fact that you love him/her more than anything and you would never give her/him away or leave. This is a good example to show that adults make mistakes, too and this is why it's always good to think before you speak.

If you feel like they aren't upset anymore by your comments, then don't bring it up again.

Answer 10

Some things just can never be fogotten. Your child will probably never forget what you said to her. I agree with the first answer. Think before you say things. Yes, people say things they don't mean when they are angry, but "I don't want you anymore", that's just harsh. and how would that make you feel? Just something to think about on how she is feeling.

When you start to feel angry, leave the room or something. Take a breather. Don't ever say that to your child again. I suggest giving her a lot of love, but words hurt like stones. It's going to be hard for her to get over that, and that's if she's lucky enough TO get over it.

Answer 11

Speaking from a child's view...although not really a child...i'm now 22, as long as you apologized and you really are sincere and didn't mean what you said you'll be fine.

My mom said some really crappy things to me growing up. Including that she didn't want me sometimes...and if she told me that now I know its more that she doesn't want me in her house anymore. Growing up all she had to do was apologize and be sincere about not meaning it.

We have our issues now as does every mother and daughter, but the mean things she said when i was growing up aren't apart of them.

Don't feel like a bad parent...just try to control your anger better and think before you speak when you are.