Ok so I was adopted when I was around 7, this was an international adoption so it was closed. Once I received a letter when I was 8 or 9 from my biological parent asking for cash but my adoptive parents discarded it, because, I mean who asks an 8 yr old for cash, right?!
Anyways later on my biological mother and brother would make contact with me again via email, everything was fine in talking with them until they began asking for money , I'm not a bad person so initially I would send some cash ($200 )every 3 months or so.
I work, and my husband does too, but he began to say that I didn't have to, and I kinda agreed, we were having trouble paying for our 3 yr old daughters daycare and so on. So my question is, is it right for them to keep on asking, when I have said I don't think it's appropiate or my responsibility,
I feel that the only reason they talk to me is to ask for something, it's never to just say hi, I don't want to feel guilty. So what should I do?
2007-12-21 04:18:12 · 30 answers · asked by SP 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
ok, thanks everyone for your advice, i'll let everyone know how it turns out, I just feel that I have put enough energy into this, and need to move on to the next level, Thanks again!
2007-12-21 05:20:12 · update #1
You are right. They are asking for you to only be a cash relative.
When they gave you up they also gave up the right to ask you for anything.
I am sure that if you pull the plug you won't be hearing from them anymore. Plus, by enabling them they will become very dependent on you, come to expect cash, and lose all reason for self supporting.
Write a nice letter saying that there will be no more money. Don't give any reason so that they will continue to hope. Just say no more. Period. Any reason will be giving them a second message and something for them to argue.
Just stop.
Let that be it.
Don't feel any guilt either. There is no reason too.
2007-12-21 04:29:46 · answer #1 · answered by nantinki 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They put you up for adoption... No offense, but they owe you money. They tried using you when you were eight to get your parents to pay them money, because who seriously asks an 8 yr old for cash? They just want $$$ they clearly don't care who it's from-asking the people who took you in-and they know you've got it. Your husband is absolutely right. Perhaps you should try not giving them anymore money for a LONG time. If several years go by and i mean several, and you don't send money, if they still call you, then they might want a relationship... Although if they're flat out asking or saying they want money, then you know what's going on. Worry about you and your husband, and they'll stop asking. I hope they want a relationship, but it looks grim... They're your biological parents, but I have trouble understanding why you would still feel attached to them since they gave you up??? That's my fault, so you may want to take a more compassionate persons view. Whatever you do, I hope everything works out for the best!
2007-12-21 12:21:27 · answer #2 · answered by GOT2NO 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
I'm adopted too. I currently do not know who my biological parents are.
Personally, I do not think it is right what they are doing.
It might be different if you had a relationship with them, visited with them several times a year, etc.
Please don't feel guilty about not sending them money. Your prinmary responsibility should be to your husband and daughter.
It did cross my mind that maybe you were adopted out was so that they might get money from you and your family someday, but that would be a worst case scenario, I hope not.
2007-12-21 12:26:26 · answer #3 · answered by coyote 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your biological mother gave you up for adoption. Usually when parents give their children up for adoption it is because the child was unplanned and/or not wanted. So I assume that she gave you up because she didn't want a you. Because of this, I believe that it is morally wrong for her to ask you for money. When she gave you up, she was basically dismissing you as her child, so you, theoretically, weren't considered as her child. So her asking you for money is like me asking for money from a person who a barely know or have ignored or treated badly in the past. So if I were you I would refuse to give her money. You shouldn't feel guilty, because it is not your responsibility to give money to her. This woman doesn't care about you, as far as I can tell, she just wants your money. Suggest to her that she get a job and maybe stop buying some of the things that she doesn't need, so that she can support herself financially.
2007-12-21 12:31:48 · answer #4 · answered by Ellie. Love music, hate racism. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i was adopted to and found my birth mom 5 years ago. she does the same thing to me. asks me for money. this is not even right. it's not your responsibility to take care of her. where was she when you needed her to provide for you? you need to worry about you and your new family. if all she wants is money then it's not worth your time or you pocket. don't feel guilty please all she is doing is running you over. i had to cut all ties with my birth mom to keep this from happening. you are not her mother and you should not take care of her. i am sorry you are in this situation. i really do know how hard it is to say no.
2007-12-21 12:24:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow...just when you think you've heard it all! I am so sorry that you were taken advantage of that way. Please form your boundary between them - please? You are NOT responsible for them. If they can scheme money out of you, then they are smart enough to earn it the old fashioned way (work, job, con someone OTHER THAN THEIR DAUGHTER!!!).
Precious child - you owe nothing to no one. Take good care of you and your family. That's all. You seem to have a beautiful heart. Believe me when I say that your heart is being taken advantage of. Please don't do that again, okay? :-)
P.S. Biological, Schmiological - your REAL parents would never do that to you.
2007-12-21 12:39:14 · answer #6 · answered by LOVEISTHEANSWER 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell them that you have enough to do, just taking care of your own home and family. No need to feel guilty. Just make it clear that you haven't got the extra.
My Dad left us when I was 6, never provided child support. After I married, he came to me, wanted money. Like, why should I pay for his extras when he never contributed anything to take care of me? Fair is fair, after all.
2007-12-21 12:28:58 · answer #7 · answered by kiwi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell them it's not your responsibility to support them, and that you will not continue to do so any longer.
Your biological parents gave you up for adoption for a reason, apparently financial reasons. So they shouldn't continue having kids, then asking for money.
2007-12-21 12:28:55 · answer #8 · answered by Ella 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, that's not at all right. Why do they deserve your hard-earned money, which you obviously need for your child! Let them know that you can't send them money anymore, that it needs to go to your daughter, their grandchild. If they can't understand that, I'd avoid contact with them. If they don't have your best interests at heart, you don't want them in your life.
And don't feel guilty about that!!! You have to do what's best for you and your family and there's nothing wrong with that at all. It's what you're supposed to do.
2007-12-21 12:23:51 · answer #9 · answered by 3.14159265 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont feel guilty - they gave you up for whatever reason. You cant be expected to help now. I know it tugs at your heart, but YOUR daughter comes first now. Try telling them that when you have some extra you'll be happy to help, but right now you cant. See if they keep in contact or bail. That should speak volumes. Dont feel guilty. They obviously didnt or they wouldnt be looking for money
2007-12-21 12:21:55 · answer #10 · answered by Carol P 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋