Why is it such a battle on here?

Question

Against Stay at home moms/dads vs Working Moms/dads?

Whenever I say, I sacrifice on to be a stay at home mom, meaning I can't afford to stay at home but by us eliminating some things, we can. We live on less than $45K/yr and manage to give our kids the best we can. When you say that on here, people freak out and thumb you down as if you're some vile self-rightous nut. I don't care what parents do on here, my opinion, which is just that, is that when parents say they have to work, some of my friends are making $80K combo, three cars big house and a big vacation so they HAVE TO WORK to afford it all. I want that lifestyle but for now, sacrifice it to stay at home until the kids go to school full-time.

So what's the big deal? Things are different when you're a single parent or two parents making minimum wage and you have to do what you have to do, but why take pot shots at stay at home parents who say this?

Answer 1

I would have to agree. I'm a stay at home mom and our family lives on less than $27 K a year. We own our own home (a 100 year old house, it's a 2 bedroom house but it works for us), we have 2 vehicles (both mine and my husbands vehicles are 10 years old and mine is paid for and my husband's will be next year), we don't spend money on cell phones, cable, going out to eat, buying the latest fashion ect... I agree - families that make decent money (like by decent I mean over $30 K a year), are pretty much working to support their life style or bad financial choices that they have made. People can make it work if they want to. You just need to have your priorities straight - first of all move out of the huge new house, sell the brand new vehicles and buy older reliable ones, get rid of the credit card bills, make your own meals instead of going out to eat every night of the week, get rid of any extras such as cable a cell phones, stop defining who you are by keeping up on the latest fashions such as that hand bag that you just "have" to have or those designer jeans or shirts, the luxury vacations and all of that crap. It's just all about the decisions you make - it can be done and true, it does take some sacrafices, but children are worth it.

Answer 2

Girl the working moms are just jealous of us who have the self control to be able to stay home and not spend every dime our husband brings home on shoes and purses. Some women think that being a good mom comes with the name brand clothes and brand new cars. Now don't get me wrong I definately feel for you with what your family lives off of, I guess it just makes me more thankful that we don't struggle as much as some, but we made the decision when we had kids that no matter what our income was I would stay at home with my kids until they are all in school full time and then I will only work part time to be home when they get home from school so that someone else will not have to raise my kids for me. Don't let it get you down, know that as stay at home parents, we do the best thing for our kids even if that means that we may have to struggle and give up some of our own pleasures for them by not sending them to daycare. Know that you are doing what is absoloutely best for your children and keep your head up.

Answer 3

Parenting is an emotional business. There are some women who feel that their entire value lays in how well they parent. They somehow form the opinion that they are great parents who do everything right, and if you parent differently, then you MUST be wrong.

Personally, I'm so sick of parents like this. To each her own, people! I may have to work 2 jobs to make ends meet, and I may have to sacrifice time with my child to do it, but that does not mean I'm materialistic. I don't drive a new car, I don't live in a big house, and I don't buy brand-name merchandise.

I shop at WalMart and dream of being a SAHM too. Every mom's situation is unique with their own special challenges. Everyone needs to get off their pedestal and get a grip on reality.

Moms ought to be sticking together, not alienating each other.

:) Thanks for letting me rant.

Answer 4

In my opinion, most mothers don't want to admit to the fact that they COULD stay home and care for their children if they quit wasting their time trying to live up to the Joneses. Now, I'm not criticising working moms. I understand that there are single mothers who have to work, or husbands who don't make enough to really get by. But when you work so you can drive a new car, take a better vacation, or give your child absolutely everything they ask for....who are you helping in the long run? What most women don't realize is that it costs them more to work than it would to stay home. Once you figure in daycare or a sitter, work clothes, gas money, lunch. Plus, you aren't left with the time to cook all the meals or cut your children's hair...and that adds up. Personally, I think women should do what works for their family. Just don't give me any of this bullcrap that there is no choice in the matter because sometimes there is. We live in a consumer driven society where the only way we can show how much we matter is by what we have. I, for one, refuse to teach my children to live by that rule. Keep in mind, we own our own home, we have vehicles to drive and we take a vacation every year. We just keep it all within our means.

Answer 5

I didn't realize there was a battle here, but there are different parenting styles. My wife and I can't afford to not both work, she also couldn't be a SAHM...she'd go nuts. :)

However, props to those who choose to do that. My mother was a SAHM until we kids were in school. That takes a lot of sacrifice and a lot of patience. Kudos to those who choose to do so. Family is very important.

For us, we send our daughter to a montessori school that is very one-on-one with the children, and make sure to get a lot of quality time in when we can. It works just fine, and we're able to afford the school, putting back for her college, and saving for our futures by both working.

I don't think any one way is better than another, just different styles and choices.

Answer 6

Just ignore rude people. That's all you can really do. People have their opinions about EVERYTHING. I've been a working mom and a stay-at-home mom, so I feel no animosity toward either one. I don't really know why anyone would have animosity towards one another over something like that. Just remember that, in the big scheme of things, nothing else anyone says really matters. ESPECIALLY on Yahoo! Answers. Good luck to you and your family.

Answer 7

I am a working mother and I never down stay at home moms. If my husband and I could afford for me to stay home, I would love to. But some stay at home moms, make us working moms feel like we are horrible mothers because we go to work and don't stay with our children all day long. They are both the same, and noone should be downed on what we have to do to make ends meet.

Answer 8

i'm a stay at home and for now i love it, my son is still young and it really gives us time to spend together... once he's older i will get a job, but for now i'm fine to stay at home with him... it's hard finding a job though, you have to find one that you'll make profit from, not just handing your check over to your daycare provider... if thats all your going to be able to do with your check than wouldn't you rather be at home with your baby instead of having him/her bond with someone else? it's not wrong that your a stay at home mom and want to stay that way until your children go to school full time, some people on here like having jobs because it gives them a chance to be out doing something that they feel is good and important for them it's just a preferance really, being a stay at home or a working mom/dad does not make you a bad parent it just means your choices in life are different than others... i've seen women verbally attacked for formula feeding their babies, they'll ask a question about formula and some parents will answer with why even bother asking you obviously don't care about your baby if your not breastfeeding them and blah blah blah... not caring about a baby would be not feeding them at all... breastfeeding or formula feeding is just another choice
it's war on here because a lot of people like to hide behind their computers, and critize people when really when we're on here asking questions, its so we can get advice, not be looked down on for what we do.

Answer 9

IDK...but i commend those who are willing to give up the luxuries in order to stay at home with their kids. i also commend those that go to work in order to support their kids and not live on welfare. there shouldn't be a battle over who's the better parent because we all do what we can in order to give our kids a good life. however we get it done is up to us and should not be judged by anyone else. there are sacrifices in working and being a parent and there are sacrifices in staying at home. it's part of parenthood.....and our rewards are watching our children grow up happy and healthy no matter how we get it done!!!! just my opinion!!!!

Answer 10

Peoples lifestyles are their choice. If that is what you really want in life then do it. It shouldn't matter what other people think and you shouldn't care. Good for you for being a stay at home mom and caring for your kids more then money.