Hello, I really need some advice so that I can determine if I am being a complete jerk. Every other weekend I have my son. Sometimes when I have him my girlfriend goes out dancing with friends., One of my friends told me that he always see her dancing with other guys when she is out. Of course the jealously factor kicked in. My question is there any harm in her dancing with other guys while she is out and should I be worried. I trust her but its just in my nature to be a little jealous. We have talked about it a couple of times but really come to no resolution. Thank you
2007-12-21 02:45:36 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
so if we have discussed it, and she knows it bothers me, then should she continue to do it?
2007-12-21 03:09:46 · update #1
my situation gets a little more difficult. I have a divorce decree that basically states that I cannot be with the person I am intimate between 10:00 pm - 8:00 am on the weekends I have him. Yes, crazy but standard in Texas if two parties do agree to have this moved. So, when I do have him I have to leave by 10:00 pm. I think I am being selfish. What is she to do, stay home by herself. I just need to trust her.
2007-12-21 03:34:18 · update #2
Honestly, my best suggestion is to chill. There's not any harm in her going dancing as long as she arrives with her friends, and leaves with her friends. As long as that's the only cause you have for concern, don't be concerned ^_^ She's just dancing. Unless there are other things in your relationship that make you wonder, just trust her.
If it *really* bothers you (I know it'd kill my husband), then arrange activities for you and your son to do that involve your girlfriend. Go ice skating, go to movies, etc. and just ask her along. :)
Cheers
2007-12-21 02:51:31 · answer #1 · answered by Sarah P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm married and am not really a jealous person.
That being said, I only think it is ok if the guys are not complete strangers. If they are male friends I think it is fine and would be thankful that these are the guys dancing with her (knowing she is in a committed relationship and are respectful of it).
However, when you are talking about complete strangers, I think that is treading a very thin line. It could just all be in fun but what if these men think it will lead somewhere else??
My husband and I have the same thoughts on things like this.
If it is something that you know could possibly upset your partner or would look bad if caught doing it by you or friends, it is not a good idea to do it and should just be avoided.
2007-12-21 02:55:18 · answer #2 · answered by tinyavenger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's understandable and completely natural to be a little jealous. After all, you love her! Speaking as a girl here, as long as you two are still communicating pretty well, I don't think you need to worry. I have a lot of guy friends. They're like my brothers. I couldn't ever date them. And a lot of times, we meet new guys and just become friends, nothing more. Another thing I'd suggest is that you two could go together sometime when your son isn't visiting. It might make you feel better to experience it for yourself.
Best wishes and Happy Holidays! :)
2007-12-21 02:54:53 · answer #3 · answered by Paula 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think this is O.K.
As long as I know, to dance with a man, being alone in that place - without a partner, it means much more: that you are looking for some one (some thing).
So, you are perfectly RIGHT.
BUT, why aren't you TOGETHER with your son ???
Aren't you consider her as your half? (It doesn't matter if you'r married or not).
So, I'm sorry for you, BUT YOU ARE THE FIRST who is unconsidering her !
The result is on your measure.
Is SHE or YOU the one who asks for this free time (for her dances/friends, for your son)?
If I were her, I would be so happy to spend this precious time for your son with you both. I get THIS last as the most normal situation. Who's to be blame, huh?
First, you take your own decisions (what does she represent for you, after all) and only then, you MAY ask her about if she is very serious about your relation. Sorry!
Have a Happy Holidays!
Cheer up, and think about her feelings, too.
I wish you from all my heart to be happy together (all three)!
2007-12-21 03:11:00 · answer #4 · answered by :)(: 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you surely know that your girlfriend is dancing with other guys, when she goes dancing, you should not have been surprised to hear this from your friend. And since this allows you time to spend with your son, you shouldn't be bothered by it. On the weekends when you don't have your son, do you and her go dancing? Is this something you enjoy together, and do you enjoy each other's company otherwise? If so, don't worry about her dancing with other guys.
When you write it's in your nature to be jealous, you're right. It's human to be jealous; but we don't have to give in to human nature. We can choose not to let jealousy consume us. Spend quality time with your girlfriend and continue to trust her, until she shows you otherwise. As for your friend, you might question his motives. Best wishes to you and yours!
BTW: Our society needs strong men like you, to love and encourage our children. So many fathers walk away. I know you're not doing it to be congratulated, but I admire your courage and want to applaud you anyway.
2007-12-21 03:34:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah from what i know there is a little land slide after a while if she keeps this up. In the 1st place if shes ur gf why is she partying out when shes suppose to be with you and your kid? havent you heard that if you really are together and love each other she'll accept the whole packet that comes with you, which in this case is your son?! she should be spending quality time with you&son... and not dancing on with some other guy in a club.....
my opinion
2007-12-21 02:52:41 · answer #6 · answered by Magy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see any problem with it. She's still coming home to you, right? Have the people told you she's hanging on these guys, or just dancing? Same guy or different guys? Has she told you this herself at all?
What's the point of going out dancing if you don't have someone to dance with? I would not have a problem if my boyfriend danced with other girls because I do trust him. If you're jealous, you don't really trust her completely. (Don't confuse jealousy with feeling left out, or wishing you were dancing with her. Jealousy makes you feel angry and scared.) Think about what's really bothering you and go from there.
2007-12-21 02:53:23 · answer #7 · answered by xK 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Depends on the dancing. Most women just love to dance and no harm comes from it. As long as you two have discussed parameters and no where the line is then of course it is alright. Relationships depend on trust and if you must trust her. Of course she should understand also that you are hearing about it and to control herself to a certain degree also......
2007-12-21 05:53:52 · answer #8 · answered by belbiv1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If these guys that she is dancing with are friends of hers than I don't see a problem with it. I dance with my guy friends all the time and my fiance could care less.
However, if these are just random guys she is meeting at the bar then I would be concerned. There is no need for her to be dancing with strange men if she is in a relationship with you.
2007-12-21 02:51:51 · answer #9 · answered by ginabeaner1213 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that if you are both in a committed relationship, then no she shouldn't be dancing with other men period. This is disrespectful to you and she does it because she knows that your at home with your son. I would have a talk with her again and tell her how you truly feel and ask her to stop doing it. Go from there and best of luck.
2007-12-21 02:51:49 · answer #10 · answered by Nikki 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋