We parted badly, because of his alcohol and gambling issues. I am conflicted. I had trusted him in my youth, and got hurt. The lack of a father in my life (he left my Mom when I was a small child) has affected me greatly; I want to reconcile and repair the relationship or at least get proper closure. But do I trust a 73 year old man who I really don't know anymore and who has hurt me in the past? I am really lost on this one and it keeps me up at night.
2007-12-21 02:40:39 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
tAll of these are excellent well thought out answer Mike.
You an choose to spend the rest of your life bitter or better-the latter by being the big person here and take time to get to know him. I can't add anything new to what has been written -take it slow and easy and let him know that you two can have a relationship if he is honest with you and it would help if he asked for your forgiveness but it has to be his choice.
2007-12-21 03:44:09 · answer #1 · answered by marlynembrindle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After reading your question I can see where your father really did put you and your mother through a lot of hurt and pain. First of all you must realize that what you are about to do is going to take a tremendous amount of forgiving on your part. This will be the hard part. Sit down with your father and have a long talk with him about life in general. I know he knows what he did was extremely wrong. The past is the past. What you must remember is no matter how you spin it , this man is still your father. The best thing you can do is to show forgiveness, time and patience and be kind. In the long run you will not regret this. We all have made mistakes in life, some worse than others, but you must take the time to let your father spend a little time with you and he will see your kindness, patience and love and sooner or later he will ask you for forgiveness, and then you must forgive him, then when he passes he can pass and leave this earth in peace, and it will make you a better person and you will reap the reward for these actions.
2007-12-21 10:53:13 · answer #2 · answered by Rooster 1972 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a challenging situation and I think you are heading in the right direction by wanting to reconcile on some level. So many others (including celebrities) will never even entertain reconnecting with an abandoning parent.
You have to be extremely understanding and accept your father for who he is and the mistakes he made. Just think of it this way, back then - he was in a bad place and probably did what he thought was right at the time. Don't be afraid to open yourself up and talk to him. You already the better man for taking this brave step forward. It could be a little painful but you will be so thankful later on. This guy is still your father. You may get some answers & reconciliation that you are looking for.
2007-12-21 10:55:35 · answer #3 · answered by Samuel Z 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You found him, and you have to accept him for who he is. I would start a new relationship with him, and see how it plays out. If he starts problems, being an adult, I would let him know that you are not young any longer, and if he wants to have a relationship with you he will have to stop the problems. Trust is something he has to earn, so just go with an open mind and see how it plays out.
2007-12-21 10:52:41 · answer #4 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People change, especially if he has giving up drinking. But...you will never be able to trust him completely. I think you should try to have a relationship with him but don't expect much. Don't believe everything he tells you either. Start with with baby steps and the the relationship plenty of time to grow and heal.
2007-12-21 14:49:56 · answer #5 · answered by snowwillow20 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is not what you will remmember when he is gone, it is only when you alow dis-trust to keep you sepporated that you hold on to pain.
The true blessings come when you express unconditional love, forgiveness and acceptance.
Let mercy and grace be a rich part of your life.
2007-12-21 10:51:21 · answer #6 · answered by Friend 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say get your feet wet first. So, if it is possible to get to know dad again, why not? Maybe he's a better person, maybe he's not. Either way, at least you will know for sure and you wont be left wondering what could ahve been.
2007-12-21 11:08:58 · answer #7 · answered by ★Banäna . Nightmärẹ★™ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can't take back time but you can start taking advantage of it right know........you should spend time with him try and love him even for leaving you. sometimes things happen to bring you closer after a time.ask questions....youll be amazed...
2007-12-21 10:48:13 · answer #8 · answered by Magy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋