Getting married in June, want to start a family soon after....?

Question

...but we both want me to stay home after having the baby to raise it, instead of going back to work, and sticking him/her in daycare.Problem is, my fiance doesn't make enough money yet, to even support both of us, let alone another person. We both want a baby, we've talked about it ever since we got engaged, but he keeps saying that if we get pregnant right away, then I will have to go back to work after....which isn't an option in my book. I have a sideline job besides the one I have now(Full time Accountant), Sideline Job(Mary Kay) & I make a good amount of money doing that, but he's afraid to get into a situation where we go broke right after we have the baby & Mary Kay doesnt make the cut!!...So I guess what I'm asking is, if anyone else in this situation or has been, and what did you do???...(If we waited until we could "afford" a baby, we'd be 30)

***PS..We already have a home..Bought it in March of 07, so we wont have to worry about that, plus it has over 2000 sq. feet, so plenty of room, no need to move!

Answer 1

You'll never be able to "afford" a baby. It doesnt work like that. I dont care if you a millionair, you cant afford a kid. All you have goes to your kid, no matter how much or little it is.

That said, obviously you dont want to be in a place where you cant provide right for all three of you.

There is ALWAYS a need for child care, ALWAYS, and for a couple hundred bucks you can get state approved training and licensing to start a day care and keep 2-3 kids during the day. It keeps you home with baby, and provides a good income.

Pay off your credit cards between now and then. Start with the smallest ones first. Make regular payments on all, and very large payments on the smallest. Pay it off, and keep doing that all the way through to the highest.

Pay extra on your vehicles. Buy a house. Mortgage debt is NOT a true debt. Real estate is the ONLY thing that doesnt lose value, and it adds TONS to your net worth as am estate. So long as you buy only what you can afford and then take care of it and the monthly payments you'll be fine.

A great way to insure this happens it to invest in a duplex or add a small effeciency apartment out of your home some how for the amount, or as close as you can, of the monthly mortgage payment.

Its a big step, but it WILL pay off in the end.

If you make wise choices now you can set yourself up to be comfortable with only one working spouse.

Answer 2

That's a tough spot! I share your feelings about staying home with baby. Since my feelings were so strong and I was not willing to compomise on that, we choose to wait until we had been married for five years before we tried for our first baby. It was a difficult wait but one we knew was neccessary if I was going to be able to stay home. Each couple is different, though, and since we are both nurses, and my husband is also a paramedic, we are able to live just on his income. It will be tight and we won't have all the same luxeries that we have grown accoustomed too, but to us, it's worth it to know that one of us will always be with the baby. Are there some cuts that you can make around the house that would free up some extra cash? Cable, eating out...those are some things that add up quickly. Also, if you wanted to save money once the baby came, you could look into using cloth diapers ( which have gotten to much easier, by the way) and breastfeeding so you don't have to buy diapers or formula. Even if you just waited a year after you married, making little sacrifices, you may be able to stash away a little bit of money at a time. You can also try living on his income and your side line income and put all of yours in savings. You can us a little bit of yours if needed, but this will prove to you that you can do it just on his and it will also build up a nice chunk of savings in case you run into trouble once the baby is born.,

Just a few thoughts! I hope you get some great answers!

Answer 3

I *think* every couple goes through this. These are the adult decisions you need to think about and make.

We personally waited two years after marrying before TTC for several reasons : first, no one knows their marriage is going to work (sorry, but it's true - I've seen the most solid of relationships crumble after 6 months of marriage [people who didn't believe in divorce, etc. who were religious]) ; how were we going to feel about having children two years after being married? (We actually decided to wait one more year and this was a good thing.)

Whether you think so or not, marriage changes the dynamics of the relationship and it takes time to adjust. Bringing a baby immediately into the picture can be a lot of adustment at once. You have to learn how to budget, live as a married couple (even if you're living together, marriage changes a lot)

If you can't afford to have a baby and you have to wait until you're 30 yo, so be it. It'll be worth the wait. Having a baby at your breast, stressed over money, with a stressed husband who grudgingly comes home at night and bills piling up is not the marriage fantasy you probably have. And we all have that fantasy - you need to learn that it doesn't exist without a lot of hard work.

Enjoy your husband and married life for at least a year, save some money, learn how to budget, then TTC is my advice. But do as you want.

Answer 4

Try to start putting back some of the money you make. Run figures on paper and see how much it will take to run the household on just his income. Are there corners you can cut to stretch the money further? Could you get a less expensive place? If it just won't work, could you work part-time and that be enough? I think it might be best to wait a year after marriage before trying, just to see how the finances go as a married couple. Slowly put money into a bank account from your paycheck and see if ya'll can live without it.

For us, we lived on his check. It was tiny (military pay), but our home was provided for us. Things were tight and we only had 1 car for the first two years, but we did it. He took lunches from home most the time and our big splurge was pizza twice a month. Breastfeeding helped (less money out). I'd take him to work on days I needed the car. It was rough, I won't lie, but we managed.

Answer 5

You have described your situation very well.
Now it's time to analyze the options, which I'm sure you can do equally well.
Just sit down and write down all your options. What you're doing now is blocking all your options by saying 'this is not possible', 'that is not an option in my book', 'this doesn't work'.

Write down your options top to bottom. Make two columns next to them. In one you write the advantages of the option, in the other you write the disadvantages.
That allows you to weigh one against the other without instantly blocking everything out.

Here is a start:

1. Accept the financial loss, make do with less money.
2. Make up for the financial loss (job on the side)
3. Don't have a baby right now (you could save money, wait for raises? Get baby-stuff on the cheap and start making babies when you have 80% of everything you need)
4. Change your situation so you need less money. Got two cars, expensive house, lots of holidays? Lots of possibilities to save money!


Don't start by discarding options. Everything comes with plusses and minusses. Write everything down you can think of, then evaluate.

Answer 6

Seriously?? I had my children when I was 23 & 28. I REGRET not having the time to make sure that I was in a solid marriage, making good money BEFORE I had them.

I do not regret having them. I just wish I could have given them more! Waiting is a good thing! Plus, the two of you can enjoy each other BEFORE bringing children into the marriage. That's also a good thing.

Answer 7

yeah. i'm in this situation. the bottom line is, you need to do what you need to do for a baby. if you want to have one and not wait (and i agree, if you wait, you'll never be prepared) my husband and i wanted me to stay home too. just cannot happen in our current situation. i found myself a private sitter. She gets along great with my son. She has no other small children to contend with. i refuse the day care option too. That has worked out great for me. I wish to God every day that I could be home but it's more responsible to make sure we have a roof over our heads.

Answer 8

Wait until you can afford it. What will happen if you have the baby and you can't afford it? Lose your house? Not eat? This is how people get into trouble. You need to have a plan and a budget. Until you can meet your budget on one salary, wait.

Answer 9

Waiting until 30 isn't bad-I had my first at 34, and will have my second right before I turn 36. But babies don't have to be overly expensive. We bought used furniture, and used clothing on craigslist.com & from thrift shops.