Catholic baptism without parental consent?

Question

My husband and I will be having a child soon and already we're having some religious issues involving my mother.

My mother is Catholic, while my husband and I are not. She has made it very clear that she wants our child to be raised Catholic. My husband and I are opposed to this and have told her so. Although she says she will (grudgingly) respect our wishes, we are both concerned that she will lull us into a false sense of security and have our child baptized behind our backs. As much as I adore my mother, I have years of first-hand experience with just how sneaky and manipulative she can be. I really can see her attempting something like this.

Would a Catholic priest allow a grandparent to have a child baptized without parental knowledge and/or consent? And if so, would it be a valid baptism?

This isn't about whether baptism is real or not. It's about whether or not a church would be allowed to undermine the rights of a child's lawful parents.

I should probably clarify that this is not an issue of "but we're *insert denomination here* so we don't want the baby baptized Catholic." My husband and I are not Christian.

Answer 1

Avie,
I can see why this would concern you and how this could be an issue. I know how difficult a time you and your mother of you have had with each other when it comes to religion. As far as I know no priest would do a baptisim without the consent of the parents as the whole point is that they will be raised as Catholic. If one was to do so without your consent I cannot see how it would be valid on any level. I was raised as Catholic and I can't see how it would be considered to be okay with the church to baptise a child without not only the consent of the parents but the assurance that they will continue to give the child a Catholic upbringing and education.
On a side note, as you are not Catholic yourselves this ceremony would be meaningless. I am not intending any offence to those here who are Catholic, but just as one of our ceremonies would not have any significance to you, a Catholic ceremony would have no significance to yourself and your Husband to since your beliefs do not include such things.
Also, think of it this way. I and many other Pagans have been baptized.It in no way effects my current beliefs. I don't feel like any less of a Pagan for having been baptized (twice by the way). It is not the baptism itself that makes the person a Christian, but the continued belief and faith in the religion after that point. THis is why the Catholics have confirmation. They realize that a baby and child has not had a choice in their faith to this point and it is a way for them to confirm that this is what they want.
If your mom is going to do this it would be very difficult to avoid it unless you don't leave her alone with the child(however, as I stated before I can't see a priest agreeing to do one without your consent). There are so many things to worry about as a parent, don't add to it by worrying about something that in reality has no significance to yourself and your husband.
I hope this helped. Sorry if it seems scattered, my thoughts are all over right now. Also, you are going to be an amazing mother, so stop worrying and enjoy this time.
Blessings and Hugs

Answer 2

According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, the baptism of a child is only valid/licit if at least one parent consents to it, unless the child is in imminent, mortal danger. Even if your mother somehow managed to find a priest who was willing to perform the sacrament in violation of church law (which would never happen), the baptism wouldn't be valid. At least one parent (grandparents don't count) must be present and give their full consent in order to have a valid baptism take place. The one and only exception to this rule is an emergency baptism, which is fairly uncommon. So, unless your child is on his/her death bed (God forbid), then you have nothing to worry about.

All that being said, I strongly encourage you to deeply explore the Catholic faith before rejecting it as a possibility for your family. I was atheist for the majority of my adult life, until I really took the time to understand Catholicism. Just approach it with an open mind & heart. You won't regret it.

Answer 3

OMG, this happened to our family. Okay, I come from a long line of Irish Catholics but I converted to Wicca at 17. My husband and his whole family are Methodists, and I like the vibe of this church, so we (mom and me) compromised by having a church wedding in the Methodist church, instead of my dream handfasting in the park, but we plan on doing this when we renew our vows. Anyways, I allowed my baby girl to be baptized Methodist because it's hard when you are raised Catholic to get over the need to have a baby baptized ASAP. I did pick a dress with Mary embroidered on the cape, symbolizing both the goddess and our Catholic heritage. Everyone was happy, big party, mom seemed pleased.
Then months later, she admits to me that she had taken Claire to the Catholic church when she took care of her while I was in the hospital and Claire was only a month old. I forgave her quickly because I had a baby boy die the year before (he lived for 5 days and was baptized), and I know how she was upset and worried that Claire would end up in limbo if she didn't. I don't know if the catholic one would hold up legally, as neither my husband or me knew about it or consented to it, but it made her feel better and family is about compromise. I still get a kick out of how she thought the Methodist one didn't count.

Answer 4

OK, let's look at this from a child's point of view about baptism. I was baptized as an infant in an Episcopal church. Why? I have no idea. My parents were not Episcopalian nor did they attend a church. I subsequently had several brothers added to the family over the years. None of them were baptized. When we did attend church (which was VERY seldom) we went to a Lutheran church (my dad's family was Swedish). Other than that, we went to various Sunday schools (mostly because you could have fun singing sings, coloring pictures, and hearing stories). In short, baptism did not set my life in cement on the path to being an Episcopalian. I am best described as Pagan. If baptism means so much to your mom, do it, your child will choose his own path. As for you, you may visualize whatever God/Gods/Goddess you wish during baptism. Your child is really only being presented to the gods for recognition!

P.S. If you are no longer Catholic, why allow their doctrine to continue to have power over your thinking?("valid" baptism.....)

Answer 5

She'd be hard-pressed to find a priest willing to participate in a clandestine baptism without at least one parent present and agreeing to raise the child in the Catholic faith. It's an important sacrament to us, but not to the point of priests colluding with grandparents to do it without the parents' knowledge and consent. Simply put, they won't. If she ends up doing it herself in the proper form, it would be valid -- but not binding upon you in any way.

My children were baptized by their babysitter, a devout Catholic woman, long before I was even Christian let alone Catholic. She did so because she loved them. My feeling at the time was that it did no harm. And it doesn't.

Answer 6

I think that's a yes. My grandmother wanted to do this because my aunt and uncle had my cousin baptized in an Episcopal church (egad!) instead of Congregational.

But infant baptism really doesn't make any sense to me... your child will choose his or her own religion when s/he understands what s/he believes. You mother is probably just afraid of the going-to-hell-without-baptism thing. Don't get me wrong - that would infuriate me - but it seems to me that a "valid" baptism involves the parents pledge to raise the child in accordance with whatever teachings the church prescribes, so unless your mother is going to raise your child, I don't know that you have much to worry about.

Good luck with this and congratulations on your new baby!!

Answer 7

A priest cannot baptize a child against the parents' wishes, even if Grandma insist and tries to bribe him or something, UNLESS the baby is in immediate danger of dying. If the baby is about to die, a priest can baptize the child quickly to preserve his/her mortal soul, even if the parents don't want him to. Although, why would he be present at the hour of the baby's death if the parents didn't want him?

Anyway, don't worry about it. Tell your mom to call her priest and ask -- if he obeys Canon Law, there is no way he will baptize the baby against your wishes.

Answer 8

As long as the priest does not realize you have not given consent he will baptize the child. But frankly I don't see anything wrong with baptism. It's value can only be found within those who believe it. Even if he is baptized, no black car full of catholic nuns will be taking him to a seminary once he turns 18.

Hope you guys sort things out.

Answer 9

I don't think a priest would allow it unless she tells him that she is the guardian of the child. But that lie would be on her...and if she's a good Catholic she should not be lying to get the child baptized.

But, if it were to happen...yes it would be valid. The validity of the sacrament does not rely on parental consent. But since you and your husband are not the ones that made a vow to raise your child Catholic, you would be under no obligation to do so.

Answer 10

I don't know about Catholic but my Methodist mother in law took my daughter to be christened without my consent. I only found out about it because of a picture in a slide show screen saver.

It doesn't matter though. Its just a little water.

Edit: it does matter if you think a baptism is real or not.
If I dressed like a pirate and ran around throwing spaghetti at random babies it would not make them Pastafarian. What matters is how you raise the child.

You want to know if it is valid? Its only as valid as you make it.