What do you say to a nine year old boy when he is called the N word at school?

Question

My nine year old was playing at recess and another student called him a N and we want him to understand why some people act the way the girl did. How can we explain that he is to expect this behavior not accept it?

Answer 1

Tell him everyday how he is a good person and to hold his head up high. The world is getting better but there still some who are ignorant. Tell him that this girl was taught by someone to think that for some odd reason that because her skin color is lighter than his she is better. Let him know that this is not true and that no one is better than he is no matter what their skin color is. Give your little boy a hug from me.

Answer 2

Its hard... I would sit your son down and explain to him that some people are ignorant, You might have to get some books and teach him about the things that went on way back, Let him know that he has nothing to be ashamed of that, the girl was raised in a home that can't accept the present and are still living in the past. I'm not making excuses for the young girl, but she is only acting how she was taught in her home. If she calls him that again, I would have your son ask her...Do you know what that means? do you know where that word originated from? And let him teach her something. Kids really are the next generation and she is young enough that she may just change. I went through it with my parents when I was younger...they didn't think that Black and white should mix. I watched them grow up... I now have 2 bi-racial children and my sister has a bi-racial child and my family no longer sees color.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry your child had to hear this.

The same way you explain any injustice. It's never easy. Tell him the other child hasn't been taught any better and has repeated something ugly she heard an adult say. That she hasn't been taught well by her parents.

Tell him that there are all kinds of people in the world and that the good ones make up for the bad. At least I hope they do! I hope he doesn't have to "expect it" - that we've moved beyond that sort of thing in everyday experience. But you'd know better than I would, I guess.

Tell him to be proud of who he is and stand up tall and turn his back on that kind of treatment and smile and put out his hand to the next person because that's the only way we fight prejudice effectively - get to know each other so well, we learn that we are all just one brotherhood of mankind.

I'm sorry this isn't a better answer. I'm sorry you have to even ask the question.

Answer 4

No, it's not acceptable. I very much sympathise with you though, as it can't be easy trying to tell your grandson it's wrong when his own mother doesn't seem to be too bothered. Sadly, it's not the same as it used to be, when children respected their elders and didn't answer back. Gone are those days, and very rarely are the kids encouraged to show respect to anyone. It's a very sad state of affairs for sure. How are they expected to grow into well mannered, respectful adults if they are not taught how to behave properly when they are young. While your son is working away, his wife/partner is ultimately responsible for the kids and whether you agree with her methods of "discipline" or not, really doesn't matter, as her word is final as a parent. Your son may tell you the same if you were to contact him, but there's not much he can do if he's not at home, so I wouldn't worry him if I were you. I do really feel for you in this situation, but all I can suggest is that you have a quiet word with the boy about his behaviour toward you and other adults. Just make it like a general chat, involve his brothers and discuss it with them all to see what they think too. Maybe you can put across that you are not willing to accept their cheek and the way to get round people is to be nice, not nasty. I wish you the best of luck. :) Hmmm..okay, well if you're not willing to tell him he's wrong, and his mother doesn't think he's wrong, the situation is just going to continue. Obviously no one here can help then??? I'm SHOCKED to see how many people think it's acceptable though...what is this world coming to? :(

Answer 5

I would tell him that there will always be mean people in the world and that we should feel sorry for them because maybe they don't know better than to say bad things about others.

I would also give him a hug and tell him how much I love him and how special he is.

Answer 6

say that its rascist and that some people just want to hurt people that way. It's good that he didn't fight. he should just tell the teacher have a talk with the girl's parents. tell your son that people nowadays are very rude and mean sometimes by saying swear, rude words and that you shouldn't talk back. If it's not true about you in that way then they aren't talking about you. my friend's last name is quach and some boy called her quack and ducky. i told her and she didn't care and i asked why. she said that quack isn't her last name and that she wasn't a duck so if it's not true then u shouldnt get offended.

Answer 7

No, a 9 year does not have to put up with that kind of crap at school. I think you say, "tell your teacher", and then it would be up to you to see some type of action was taken to reprimand that girl. He may have to expect that sometimes, he should also expect some action to be taken.

Answer 8

I explained to my kids that the reason someone calls you names or bullies you is that they do not feel good about themselves. It really has nothing to do with them personally, and that they need to feel sorry for them.

Answer 9

Say that it's racist and wrong because it hurts other people for no good reason. You shouldn't accept something that is bad for no good reason. If it has a good reason, then you need to endure it, but if it's not, you have to stand up.

It's good to tell an adult and not fight.

Answer 10

Let him know that there are ignorant people out there with stupid ideas and that he is worth a great deal in this world.