My boyfriend and I are madly in love. Not the fluttery, first-date kind of love, but the comfortable, natural love that comes with totally enjoying the company of the other. He's a little older than me though, not that it matters, as we've known each other for nearly 4 years now. We have everything in common: values, beliefs, hobbies, fun times. He proposed to me recently and I accepted. We have been through a very rough year and our parents disagree with our relationship, which puts extreme stress on us. We both want to get out and move on together, and are working hard to do this both financially and emotionally. It's hard. I keep asking him if I am worth it, and he always strives to show me that I am. I am 18 and he's nearly 22, and we're both poor...are we too young to get married?
2007-12-18 23:44:38 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My late wife and I met when we were 15 years old in high school. Six years later we married and had 34 wonderful years together before she passed away. We were young, didn't have two dimes to rub together but we had each other and made a great life for ourselves. Meeting, loving and committing to her was the best thing I ever did in my life.
Today I miss her and love her every minute of every day but I'd never change a thing about my life with her. I know you've heard this before but it's true, "Life is short", so go for it!
2007-12-19 00:00:31 · answer #1 · answered by The Mick 7 7 · 12⤊ 0⤋
If you have to ask, then yes - you are too young. This isn't 1957. It's 2007. Where 50% of ALL marriages end in divorce. At 18 increases those odds - mostly likely, you'll be divorced within 2 years.
You don't want the same things at 20, that you did at 18.
You don't want the same things at 22, that you did at 20.
Etc. and so on...
You don't start knowing for sure until you've had some serious life experiences - both as a single person and a person in a committed relationship.
I think you're using marriage as an escape from being 'a child' and thrusting yourself into adulthood. That's a very immature approach to growing up. So don't do it. If you're anxious to move out of your parents' house, why not just get your own apartment? If you can't afford it alone, get a room mate. But not HIM. Not for moral or ethical reasons. Simply because you both need to grow SEPARATELY before you grow together.
Wait a few years. If you're supposedly so in love - you will both wait. If not, then you are using marriage as an escape from living at home.
You should enter marriage when you are 100% financially, emotionally, and psychologically secure. Anything less and you will fail.
2007-12-18 23:54:59 · answer #2 · answered by idiot_assassin 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is the rush to get married? Why not just live life? You can always get married when you are older.
Getting married is exciting while you are engaged, and planning a wedding (though if you have no money that is iffy too) but if you are going to be married for the next 60 or 70 years, that excitement will settle into everyday life. No one is going to make a big fuss over you every day like they did when you were 18 and engaged.
Edited to add: A few years from now, this Asker is going to be in the Weddings section asking "When I got married, I didn't have the wedding of my dreams because we were poor. Is it ok if I have a 'do-over' and have the wedding I always wanted, now?"
2007-12-19 01:30:51 · answer #3 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that 18 is too young to get married. You have not even lived your life yet ! i know everyone will tell you the same thing but take it from someone who has been there. When you turn 21 and are able to go into the bar scene and actually get out so to speak things may change. i thing a good age to consider marriage is usually 22 or 23 i would not advise any younger. figure out who you are first and what you wanna do with your life before taking the plunge
however the choice is yours good luck in what you choose!!!
2007-12-18 23:51:06 · answer #4 · answered by crystal s 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Being in love is a beautiful thing but I do believe that you are extremely young. A marriage is far more complicated than just loving each other. I got married when I had just turned 19 and although I was madly in love, it was a lot harder than I had anticipated. Both of our parents disagreed but we were so young to understand their point of view that we just thought that they were being unreasonable. People say money isn't everything and it's true but it can cause a lot of stress in a marriage that lead to many arguments and many tears. I ended up getting a divorce after 7 turbulent years.
2007-12-19 00:00:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends. Any marriage, regardless of how old you are when you get married can fail. What matters is the level of committment to the marriage itself. All marriages are in a constant state of flux - one of you is up, one is down, sometimes both are down, both are up. Sometimes you can't stand each other, sometimes everything is wonderful. Sometimes you have a problem that your spouse doesn't have, or one has to go through some personal growth.
I got married at 19, to my husband, who was 20 at the time, we will celebrate our 20th anniversary in June. We have been separated once, and really, it hasn't always been the pleasantest of marriages.
But it is good. There have been so many times we both just wanted to quit! But we didn't, and we do SO much better together now and I have learned so much and grown so much. If we had quit when times were tough, we would never have gone through what we did, and experienced the growth we now have. We would have just moved on and inflicted our immature selves on other people, getting into the habit of moving on when times got tough.
I guess part of making a marriage work is being more stubborn than whatever difficulty you are currently working through.
Just be aware that at 18, you are going to go through a lot more changes and there are going to be times when you HATE that guy. There will be times where you will feel like 'you sacrificed your youth for this?' And both of you will have to be willing to say yes - this project has a purpose that is higher than my individual desires.
And a million thumbs up to Mick!
2007-12-19 00:05:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Way to young to get married.I was 22 when i married and 24 when i had my first kid.I am now 40 and still married to my wife but if i had to redo all over again i would wait for a few more years then still marry my wife.Neither one of you is stable in a job neither one of you can know what to expect from life as you haven't lived life yet.If it is true love love will wait divorce won't.
2007-12-19 02:00:03 · answer #7 · answered by jpcbbc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not saying that you are too young but to get married now would probably end up n divorce. I am 26 and my g/f all dated young and had b/f for years one of my friends was with her ex from 18 to 23 and than they broke up. The truth is at 18 it is really hard to know what you want and to be honest with you how can you know that this is the guy that you want to spend the rest of your life with. You have know what other opinions are out there before you can decide who you want to be with someone for the rest of your life. I know that right now you feel like he is the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with but just think about this when you are 25 and your g/f are single and having fun and you are at home with hubby making dinner. Live life first and than get married you are young enjoy it I can tell you from experience that how you feel right now your views will change when you get older trust me.
2007-12-19 02:13:03 · answer #8 · answered by Green_eyes 69 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ya, you're in love, but you have no job and only a highschool education. Go to collage and get a real job that you two an support eachother. I'm 23 and people say I'm too young to be married, but we both have collage educations and full time jobs. Once you can support yourself financially and not live with mommy and daddy, THEN you can get married.
2007-12-19 08:55:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I don't think your too young to get married, my mother and father were married at 17 and 20 soooo.... and they stuck together for 30 years it was a mutual seperation and it was purely because they found they were better friends then lovers.
I think you need to clear the air with the folks first cause getting married without your parents there would be such a downer. and you'd want to have a nice wedding so what I would do is work on getting money, clear the air with the parents and get married when everything is on the up and up.
not in the classic style (Shotgun/vegas styled wedding)
But maybe a garden/church/beach wedding where everyone is happy.
2007-12-18 23:51:10 · answer #10 · answered by Redelle 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋