why do some dads give up on there kids?

Question

im not aiming this at all men but why do they do it ive been wrecking my brains to figure out why. children are a gift and i couldnt be parted from them but why do some dads when the relationship turns bad and parents split up the dad does a runner and wont contact his children or even send a damn christmas card most men say the kids will know the truth when they are older but the truth is this. " yes us mothers use the kids agaisnt the dads but if u was told to jump of a cliff would you do it? and the kids will grow up to resent the parent who they feel has abandoned them not look for them and expect a hug they will want to know why? please help me out here and answer the question " why do dads abandon their kids ?"

ive never said anything bad to the kids about their dad but im angry that im left to pick up the pieces everytime he cant be bothered but yes im very guilty of using kids agaisnt him but out of there ear shot

there should be more men out there like thunor you have my greatest respect

Answer 1

I am so glad you said (some) men.
I was married for four years. And while having numerous affairs behind my back, my wife ran off with a 17 year old, her junior. I divorced her for unreasonable behaviour and also won custody of my two children, of which I raised as a single parent for 17 years. So I stood beside my kids, pity the mother couldn't. The kids don't like her and have seen her for the unsireable that she, not me, showed to them.

Answer 2

I agree with Joyce. What in the world are colored eyes???? Actually all eyes are colored,brown, blue, hazel etc. Those are all colors You say your other dads kid. Do you have 2 dads or do you mean your father has a child by another woman. In other words did you mean your dad's other kid not your other dads kid. If so what color are the eyes of the chld's mother. You say, "And she is the only one that has brown eyes and she has cheated on our dad so how often can the kid have brown eyes when everyone else has blue eyes?? Are you saying you think the child has cheated on your Dad?. That looks like what you are saying by the way you have worded your sentence. This is not a genealogy question but a Genetics question which belongs in Biology but if you reask it there I certainly hope you phrase it a lot better. Now if this is a child by both of your parents then the fact that your mother has brown eyes is a good enough reason for one of your siblings to have brown eyes. I have blue eyes. My older sister had hazel eyes. My younger sister has brown eyes. We all have the same set of parents. Reading your question, I wonder if you are old enough to be on Yahoo Answers.

Answer 3

This is such a complex issue - hard to answer in this space.

So many dads know that mom uses the kids against them and that they can't do anything about it -or- that if they tried to do anything about it, mom would just push it further and hurt the kids even more. So, they step aside, rather than put their children through more pain from mom's manipulative tactics.

This works together with the fact that, in our society today, most people truly believe that a mother is a more important parent than a father - that father's are expendable. So, when mom says "He's trying to take my baby away from me!" or "He doesn't know how to take care of this child, she needs me & is in peril when she's with dad", dads have been conditioned to believe this, too & feel that they should let their child be with it's mother, that they will just screw everything up anyway.

What we need to do now, starting with this generation, is to raise both men and women who believe that men are just as capable of nurturing and caring for a child as women. We need to teach our boys how to do this just as we teach our girls. And, we need to raise our children to believe that what's important in a child's life is responsible, loving, involved parents - and that these parents can be mothers *or* fathers. It's not the gender of the parent that's important to a child - it's the time & love & caring that's important.

Answer 4

Some people (fathers and mothers) don't want children and will abandon them.

Other people cannot keep contact with their children following a divorce or break up.
There's a couple of reasons for this:
1. Divorce laws are so biased against the father, the mother can effectivley stop the father seeing the children at any time and there's sod all the father can do about it.
2. The father may prefer a clean break and not become a "2 hours once a fortnight" dad. Personally I think that's the best option for everyone as how good a relationship can you maintain in 2 hours once a fortnight. Best to just move on and let your kids move on also.

Answer 5

Moms and Dads do this-I don't know why. My son always comes first and my friends who have kids are the same with their kids. Once you are a parent-your life is about that child and doing right for them. My husband isn't quiet the same on this line of thought so maybe it is a mom thing. But I have a college tuition fund for my son and a savings account for him, he goes to the best day care in our community and if anything is cut out to make that happen then I go with out not him. I went to college and worked in social services for years and dealt with clients who (male and female) who drug kids to parties at all hours, who didn't know the name of the kids sitter, who spent all the child support money on fake nails and big screen tvs for them and the kids had a matress on the floor in their room. It was sick. Maybe that is part of why I treat my son like I do. That and the fact that this is how my mom and dad raised me. But being a good parent isn't instinct, it is learned and if you have a piss poor role model chances are you won't do any better for your own kids.

Answer 6

That's a question I've often wondered even if a father only gets to see the kids once or twice a week, I just couldn't imagine a day where I couldn't see my children, I asked my kids dad once if he had that connection with them something deep inside that said or made him feel for the kids the same way I do he said yes but I've yet to see him prove it.

Answer 7

You said it in your question, "mothers use the kids against their Dads". After a while a person gets tired of having his head beaten, every time he sees his kid, or having the kid start treating him in an evil manner, because the mother speaks against the father. If you want the father in the relationship, then no matter what you personally feel about him, do not transfer your feelings to the child.

Answer 8

men just dont have the same emotional and mental srenth as woman its simple they get scared and run, or make there lives easier by leaving it till the kids dont need somthing every minute of the day, and they can look after them selfs they are weak were as woman ar not. my father did the same to me when i was 10 months old. i am however very lucky to have a great husband who would never consider leaving his little girl. some are not great dads others are. one you will find a man who will love your children unconditionaly

Answer 9

i no what you mean my son is 8 i split up with this dad when my son was two, his dad used to see him every week end until my son turn 3 now he doesn't call send birthday cards or Xmas cards, it hurt my son at first he would call his dad and leave messages but his dad didn't want to no, i never said a bad word about his dad to him as it isn't fair, but now my son is older he has told me he knows his dad doesn't love him anymore, it is a real shame but there is nothing i can do, luckly my son has a step dad now who dose everything with him, his real dad doesn't pay a penny towards him and he has missed out in so much of his life, i don't get how he could walk away but i no later in life he will regret it

Answer 10

Any parent that walks out on their child and does not have any contact with them, doesn't have the right to be called a "parent" and i personally think that the child/children will in the end be better off without them,
My so called "dad" done it to me and my brothers and sister,had a affair with a married women. then meet some one else moved to another country, adopted 3 children with her, and i have recently found out that he has left her and the children in the same situation as he left my mum and us kids..........
Hay, I think he should come with a health warning!!!!!!
Some people cant take responsibility, May be they should keep a gold fish instead of having children..........