is it normal for 6 year old to yell and talk back, slam doors etc?

Question

I have 6 year old daughter going on 16. and a 15 month baby.
my daughter is becoming very defiant and rebellious it is like living with jeckyl and hyde. She can be the sweetest little girl in the world and the next she is talking back and slamming doors like a teenager. I am strict on disipline and send her to the corner or bed and sometimes get her to write out what she did wrong and what she should do instead.
its probably normal. But would like to hear from anyone with similar issues.
thanks guys

Steven, I have tried that approach and believe me, time-out has worked so much faster and better and i have gained alot of respect from her doing it that way. We do smack her on the bottom but im not going to give her a whack as a simple alternative cuz i cant be bothered disiplining her in a way that takes patience and tolerance. I have nothing against smacking but i think there are better ways. She has alot of love and how do you define spoilt anyway? too much love......
I dont think you have kids........

Answer 1

It is perfectly normal. But just because it is normal does not mean she can get away with it. You need to teach her there are more appropriate ways to handle her anger. I have been in the same situation. I have always told my boys, 7 and 9, that it's ok to be angry. We all get angry but it's how we deal with that anger. We do not yell and scream and we do not slam doors I encourage them use their words. Tell me what is making them mad, even if it's something I have done. It's ok to say to mom or dad "It made me mad when you took away my toy... or you didn't let me play outside." That leaves the window open for you to reply with "I understand you're angry and I would be too, but right now we need to....", whatever the case may be. Encourage her to share with you her feelings. If the lines of communication are open now and she knows she can come to you with anything it will give her the confidence in her teen years to come to you with the really hard stuff.

Answer 2

Totally normal. However I would certainly let her know this behavior is unacceptable. My daughter did the door slamming thing 'really' well and this is how I stopped (helped) in this matter. EACH time she slammed the door I would make her open it and close it correctly. (EVERY TIME) So that helped allot. As for her mouth she would be defining words from the dictionary and writing them down. She's 6 so this is a very young age to do this (mine was 8 when she started defining words) - at 6 she had sentences to write. I would write out a sentence - example - I need to make better choices. Now this continued and I think it's mainly because she's a girl. (boys do this too...but girls tend to keep doing it throughout their entire lives).

ALL kids are defiant to a degree - you just have to be consistent - especially with defiant children.

I have to wonder if the baby has brought this behavior on? Did this behavior just occur after the baby was born, or has it always being happening and just gotten worse? Maybe she sees the baby throwing a trantrum (just crying for hungry or needing a diaper change) and the baby gets a 'reaction' from you..so she's trying it also?

Sounds like you are doing all the right things by time outs. I don't think swatting the bottom really does much good with kids that are defiant...at all. Makes them act out more in my personal opinion.

Try to ignore some of her behaviors and she might stop. FIND something that she's doing good and make a HUGE deal out of it.

Merry Christmas!

Answer 3

Okay these people without kids aren't going to give you a straight answer. They're going to tell you to drop her off with Mr. T or put her in the corner, or time out, or beat her with a belt or whatever. Here's my issue, my five year old son does the exact same thing. Here's what I narrowed it down to. They spent a lot of their life spoiled by either grandma or someone. They know that they can get what they want if they push hard enough for it. First that thought has to be abandoned in their mind. Second, they are competing for your attention or someones attention. They will accept attention on any level. If your the type of parent who looks at a picture drawn by your child and say, "oh thats great honey," and then they wander off, that didn't give them the satisfaction that they were seeking. However if they put a hatchet through the door, than you'll obviously yell and then they got your attention. See your child has figured out how to get you to drop everything and focus on them. Its not the right way but she did. All she has to do is be bad, and you will respond. Here's the solution, (its working so far) don't respond right away. Let them get away with something for a little bit 5-10 minutes (unless an emergency) just so they know that your attention isn't going to be brought on by this. Also, and most important, let your daughter know that she doesn't have to be bad to get your attention. You will get to her when she asks. Now, instead of punishments because its what they expect. Set out timetables. For example, let her know that at 3pm she can have some cookies and milk (or her favorite snack). However if she tries to flush the cat or something between the time you told her this and the time you set out a snack than you tell her that the cookies are no longer an option and a nap is in place of it. See corners, and time outs never worked. The child expects this, so start dreaming up new approach. Good luck... hope it works..

Answer 4

You need to talk with her about how to express her anger. That seems to be her problem. Yelling, slamming doors, and talking back is not acceptable. She has to work on it though because she has gotten into that habit. Let her know that there are consequences for doing those things, but if she tries really hard to work on it, and you see an improvement after 2 weeks or so, you will have a special treat for her like a trip to the ice cream shop or something like that.

Answer 5

Yes it is perfectly normal, she is growing up and wanting more control over her life. She wants to do things and doesn't understand why she is not allowed to do so.

Kids have the exact same emotions as adults do. Do you lose your temper of course you do and I am sure you are not pleasant when you do none of us are.

She is just showing her emotions that is all. and it is a perfectly normal thing to do.

Just tell her fine you can show your anger, by using your words. It is is unacceptable to go around slamming doors and being nasty.

But you better check your own unhappy behavior also, because if you slam things and forget to use your words appropriately, then you are expecting more from your child then you are from yourself and that is not fair.

I am not saying you are, but it is something that I have noticed to be true in most households it is the do as I say not as I do theory and that is not a good one to have in my opinion.

Answer 6

Yes . I think it's normal for a 6 year old to try doing what you explained, it's normal for kids to try anything. With my experience - Girls tend to start off easy, then get harder as they approach teen years. I'd say what worked for us is CONSISTENCY, and always upping the anti as they push the line. My husband and I use all sorts of punishments, but the "show stopper" is spanking. That helps everything else fall into line. Note - To us a spanking is not a swat or two in the heat of the moment, a spanking = your hand to the bare skin of the bottom (at least one spank per age, 2 if she's in deep). All of this done in a private area where the focus is solely on what she did. After using a few spankings, everything else will tend to work better. Time outs, or lines (which is GREAT too) will halt the behavior, as she knows what's next.

Good Luck

Answer 7

It sounds like you re doing the right thing, just be consistent and firm. My 5 year old son does the same thing when he is frustrated and upset about something and isn't quite sure how to express his feelings, this is his way of telling me that something is bothering him, I will sit him down and tell him that if something is wrong then he needs to tell me so I can help him with what is bothering him and why he is slamming doors and throwing things around. He ends up telling me why he is upset and he doesn't act out anymore when something is wrong, he knows now that he can talk to me instead of throwing a fit to get my attention.

Answer 8

It's normal if she doesn't know any other way to express what she's feeling or what she wants to say.

You're on the right track, having her write it out. But, try talking to her before the storm hits, when you see it coming & directing her into more effective ways of communicating. And, after a storm, when she's calm again, talk to her about how she felt while that was going on. Most likely, she felt awful, out of control, knowing she was not being respectful to someone she loves & not liking it at all, but not knowing what else to do, how to stop it, how to do it differently. Help her learn.

Answer 9

Old Yell

Answer 10

Children are people. All of them have their own personalities. However, I do believe that children mimic what they see. Or maybe she feels like she is feeling left out of your life in some way because of the 15 mo old.

I think it's okay SOMETIMES for children to talk back. It allows them to express themselves. It allows them to think outside the box also.