What do I say when I fire my babysitter?

Question

I like our sitter, she is about 4 yrs younger than me in a bad situation - single mom and all that - she is also a daughter of a friend. The thing is her son we let her bring him with and a lot of her time is spent catering to him (he's a baby, and I understand, but it cuts into her time to do her job with my son). She also gets frustrated with him crying and will be very harsh with him and I am not comfortable with how she talks to her son. We have talked about this and making sure she manages time better and it was getting better - but ...

Then today, I left our son with her here and when I came back after 4 hrs only 2 of my sons 6 pages of work was done and she was laying down with her baby and mine was in his room with his door shut playing video games.

It was the last straw. I had my husband pay her and I went in my room and calmed down without saying anything. I don't know how to fire her - I always feel guilty when I am about to.

The thing is - she has had some bad luck with her baby's dad - and she is out here in Denver far away from any real support. So I feel bad as she won't have any money if I fire her.

But I need someone that can do their job. We home school our son and I also work full time. so I have a very busy schedule - and I really need the help. But this isn't working out.


She only works for us 2 days a week for like 5 hours a day.

And what's worse, I do really like her. So I don't want to be mean or anything. I just don't know what to say... sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading.

She wasn't sleeping, just laying down and watching tv in the living room. She was awake for emergencies. It was more she was laying down on the job - so to speak. lol

And we have talked to her about this once before.

Answer 1

Wow you're in a really tough situation, I suppose the best thing to do is sit her down, and confront her, don't fire her just yet, tell her you pay her to take care of your son and you understand that she needs to take care of her own son but that's not the deal. Be very nice and gentle with her so she doesn't feel offended. Don't feel bad because she's the one that put you in this situation so it's not your fault what so ever! And also try and talk to your son, tell him it's hard for the babysitter since she has a baby and he needs to be a big boy and be responsible when she comes because she won't always be able to watch him and tell him what to do. And if you really really need to tell him you'll get him an icecream or something he likes if he does so, haha =) The babysitter will definitely understand, and you should maybe also give her a few tips on how to calm her baby down when he cries =) I hope for you the best!

Answer 2

Well just be honest with her. If u really like her n really wanna help her let her know she cannot bring her son with her. I'm pretty sure she can have someone watch him 2 days out of the week. I mean it's only 5 hours a day, so it's not that bad. If she can't do it then ur best bet is to let her go. U don't wanna come home n find ur son hurt or somethin' while she's sleepin' on the couch with her son. That just wouldn't make any sense, then u'd prolly have to hurt her, which u don't want to do. But, talk to her first n give her a warnin'.

Answer 3

I have been a nanny for the past 5 years and care for 5 different children, not counting my two. I will let you know, I would never lay down on the job or leave any of my little ones alone in their rooms to play video games while I rested.

I would just be very honest with her in a sensitive way. Let her know you understand she is going through a lot right now. You understand that her little one does require a lot of attention. You feel like because of how things are going she isn't able to give yours all the attention you feel they require. I would write her a letter of recommendation and give her two weeks pay.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I understand your situation i think. I know you like her and i understand you need all the help you can get right now with your son and with you working full time. But give her another chance and tell her that she needs to be doing her job and she needs to be taking care of your son. You pay her to care for your child not hers. Also if she is sleeping on the job thats a very big problem.Tell her that she needs to stay awake while you leave your child in her care. Tell her- What if therewas a emergancy and your child got hurt while she was sleeping or somebody broke into the home, or if there was a fire. Whats she gonna do? Nothing cause she wont know whats going on or where he is cause she is sleeping.
I am a parent too. I had a babysitter that brought her daughter with her when she was watching my two boys. I came home and found her sleeping, her daughter sleeping and my kids screaming in there rooms. I wasnt happy at all! I walked in back and got my kids. They had diapers on that were full of piss and they looked like there werent changed in hours. My youngest has a physical disability and he had his prestatic on and when i took it off him he was purple, swallon and touching it hurt him. I walked in front with my kids and i woke her up and i wasnt happy with her. I made her sit in the kitchen while i changed, and cleaned my kids up and fed them and i told her that she is not allowed to bring her child with her anymore and that i pay her to watch my kids and take care of them and that if it happens again she will be fired.
You need to put your foot down and not let her get away with what she is doing and be calm about it too. And tell her that if this happens again she will no long watch your child.

Answer 5

Whether or not she is in a tough situation, she is an adult making poor decisions, especially when it comes to your child. Sleeping while on the job is a huge NO NO. There are programs out there to help single mom's, it is not your responsibility to support her.

Your responsibility is to your child. You have stated that you talked to her and it was getting better, but now it is not. You have done the right thing in discussing the situation with her in the past, and giving her an opportunity to fix her actions. Treat this like any other job, you are her boss and she is not performing to the standards you have in place. You have given her ample warning and now it's time to find someone who is the right fit for you and your son.
I would simply call her on the phone and state, "I am sorry but this situation is not working out. I am no longer in need of your services." I would however get right on finding a replacement. Good Luck

Answer 6

i use to babysit when i had 2 kids but they never came because like you said i would take care of my kids over yours. do feel sorry you need someone to work with your kid. just tell her that your sorry but you need someone to give 100% attention on your son because that is what you are paying for. i was also a nanny for 3 kids around the same time. i only took my kids 2 times when it was a last minute thing that their other babysitter fell through. i love that job i raised their four kids and still stop by every once in a while to talk with the mom to see how they are. you may want to find someone else first .try a service for good people.

Answer 7

Before firing her, you could give her another chance. BUT this time you need to be very specific about her duties and your expectations.

If she's slacking off on helping around the house, outline the duties you expect her to do each day. If she's not following a good routine for your son, then you need to specify what you want her to do - write it out if that'll help. If you don't want your boy playing video games on his own, tell her. If there's language you don't want her to use, tell her specifically.

I found once I was really clear on what I expected, was realistic about what she could do in the timeframe, and communicated those expectations to our nanny, then everything went smoother.

If your expectations are still not being met after a period of time, like 2-4 weeks, then you'll have to have another conversation with her and tell her that she isn't meeting the standard you require. It's much easier to have this discussion when you've spelled everything out ahead of time (routines, expectations, etc.).

Answer 8

Ok if she only works for you TWO days a week for FIVE hours I really don't see the point in firing her. I have one itty bitty problem with your post.

"Today I left our son with her here and when I came back after 4 hours only 2 of my sons 6 pages of work was done and she was laying down with her baby and mine was in his room with his door shut playing video games"

Ok my response to this: No you said you home-schooled so there must be a set time for your son to do his homework (per your instruction) NOT the babysitters. Babysitters are there to make sure he gets his homework done, that's a TUTORS job...not the babysitters.

It seems that you have issues with her not be as attentive as you'd like her to be with your children. Ok so the only fair thing to do is sit her down and talk with her. If you have to write out a list then do it. (for her and the children) just so that everyone is on the same page.

Don't critique the babysitter because your kids don't do their homework. Kids rarely will do homework without us (parents) reminding that they need to. Babysitters are for watching out for them to make sure they are safe and have what they need.

Final note:
Have a Merry Christmas!

Answer 9

This is a very sticky situation. I would just let her know that because of your childs situation with home schooling that you would rather not see him get behind with his work. I would search for a new babysitter soon. Get your new babysitter all acquainted and ready to accept the challenge. Then let your old sitter know that you had to replace her with someone who is more equipped to handle your sons needs with homeschooling. This is going to cause a tacky situation with you and the old sitter, but just keep in mind when your thinking of the proper terminology, its YOUR child that is what is important here.

Answer 10

Have you tried talking to her first? Tell her that you know it's hard with having her own baby around, but that you do pay her for a service and you aren't really happy with what is going on, that she was doing so good for awhile, but not it seems she is once again not managing her job better. If you really don't want to have her remain in your employment tell her that you really enjoyed having her around, but you no longer need her services and wish her luck. Firing someone is never easy, but if you truly feel like you are paying her for nothing, you deserve to have another babysitter.