Ok, Who has been in this situation before? Kinda like what Brad Pitt had to deal with when he was seeing Angelina Jolie although he was married to Jennifer Anniston..
I'm NOT married but I live with my boyfriend of a few years. But, I'm falling for another man, possibly. He is into surfing, like me.. He seems to want 3 kids like me, wants to get married soon, wants to move to San Diego like I do etc.. So, we have a lot in common. I only met him twice though and we kissed and got along great. I'm still not sure if he's "worth" dumping my current boyfriend for as my current boyfriend has a lot of $$ and ambition and we have a history together. Although, my current boyfriend does not want to get married for a loooong time.
The problem: I just want to spend some time alone with him 1 on 1 so I can get to know him better and make my decision, but he found out I have a boyfriend and now he doesn't want to talk to me until I dump him. But, I'm not 100% sure..
2007-12-18 17:04:08 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Umm the $$ thing is good only because it would help out with us having children. I'm not a gold digger.. he doesn't give me any $ now. And, I'm not a bad person.. I could have lied and said we broke up but I admitted.. yes I still am dating a guy.
2007-12-18 17:16:48 · update #1
It's easy to point the finger, saying you're a terrible person, a jerk, etc. However, those who have never been in your shoes, cast the first stone! Anyone...? Anyone? Yeah, thought so.
Your temptation is understandable, and more so, typical. And many, many people do exactly as you wish to do: explore someone else while keeping the current one (unknowingly) on standby. Still, two wrongs don't make a right, nor does morality by numbers--just cuz "everyone else's doing it," it is not right. It just means many people are wrong.
I can say, "Don't do it/it's wrong," but I think you already know that, by merit of having to sneak around if nothing else. Rather than state the obvious, I am going to say that you MAY perhaps, wish to ponder _WHY_ you are with the current one in the first place. I see you list "a lot of $$," "ambition," and, "a history," and while these are useful relationship assets, I didn't see anywhere, "I love him"--or even have anything nearing genuine feelings for him.
So...then I ask, is it truly that you feel something genuine for this NEW guy--or that you are just missing feeling anything real for the current one? When there is emptiness at home, the neighbor looks a lot better than he should...
The reality is (I am going to assume you aren't shallow, naive, or just plain stupid...), if $$, history, and ambition is all that keeps Current Guy, well, current, and "seeming to want (remember, these things change!) three kids," "surfing," and meeting "twice" is all you have with New Guy...you may be wrong for BOTH of these guys. Current Guy doesn't apparently mean anything real to you, and New Guy is too NEW to really know if he's anything at all.
You know nothing about New Guy and you want 1-on-1 to "get to know him." Fair enough. Kudos to him for not being willing to start anything until Current Guy is out of the picture. STUPID him for even _considering_ you when you were considering doing this behind your bf's back. (Again, typical, understandable, but undoubtably crappy!)
Bottom line: be the better person. Anyone can make a mistake, and certainly they can contemplate doing cruel things. Rise above this temptation and take the higher ground. If $$/etc. is all Current Guy means to you, get out now--not for New Guy, but for your own self respect. THEN, explore whomever. You do deserve to be happy and be with someone who makes you so. But HE, whomever he be, ALSO deserves that same respect, and relegating him to standby status without his knowledge is simply cruel.
2007-12-18 17:30:39 · answer #1 · answered by Gauffsa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eeeek!!
I tried dating three guys at once..neither was serious and when it got to the point where I kissed two of them in the same day I felt freaking horrible. One was from out of state so that's not really dating... but honestly how would the new guy know if you dumped your boyfriend or not?
But with that said.. if you were even thinking about the things that you are, you should not be with your current boyfriend. And the fact that you can see a lot more in common with the new guy and share the same ambitions, shows that you know you need to move on and take some risks. It's exhilarating.. take some chances and get to know the other guy after you dump your boyfriend since it's obviously not working..
2007-12-19 01:10:02 · answer #2 · answered by In Love with In Flames 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever heard the saying "you don't leave the person you love for the person you like, because the person you like will leave you for the person they love"? This new guy may seem great and stuff, but if the only problem with your current boyfriend is the marriage thing then stay with him. He is only trying to be sure that he absolutly loves you before he marries you. As for the other guy you shouldn't even think of marriage with him because you dont know him that well. What ever you do, DO NOT cheat on your cyurrent boyfriend more than you already have. That is the absolute worst way to end a relationship.
2007-12-19 01:12:07 · answer #3 · answered by fairy_wars 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take a BIG step back before you do anything else and in advance, excuse me if I'm rude.
In this situation, beside the image of cheating, are you sure this is a path you want to go? Even though you both have a lot of interest, would you want to live with someone who's just like you?
Your current boyfriend has a history with you, money, and ambition, and I would assume respected among his friends. He has a goal in life and is striving for it. As for the other guy, you know a few things about him but do you know how he acts? how he is with friends?
With your current boyfriend, you know how he is, how he'll treat you, and how he is viewed and handle things. Even though this new guy have common interest as you, do you know how he is?
Putting my feelings aside, I wouldn't think of dumping the current boyfriend since you only met the other guy twice. Can you deduct from such a short amount of time the guy you want to spend your life with?
2007-12-19 01:15:06 · answer #4 · answered by Viet N 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U gotta make a wise decision. This is serious. Don't like someone just bc he has $$. It's wrong. If u said like that i don't think that u like ur current bf very much. Take Brad Pitt as an example. He divorced Jennifer and everthing turns out great. U gotta get to know this guy first to see if he's worth it. Tell him that u want to be friends with him first. Hang out with him as a friend. Then u'll know if he's worth it.
2007-12-19 01:11:04 · answer #5 · answered by Catherine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound fairly young like you still need to explore your options. It would be best if you were on your own without any boyfriend so you can figure out exactly who you are and who you need in a boyfriend. Ask your current boyfriend for a "breather" just so you can figure things out. Dumping a person for someone else rarely works and in most cases and you end up wanting the one you left back. By then they have moved on and you are out of luck.
2007-12-19 01:09:47 · answer #6 · answered by whitewolf 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You don't date other men while still in a relationship. either you stay with what you have or you change your life. Cheating on any person is horrible and the best way is to discuss it with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel. The truth sometimes hurt, but than you have no guilty feelings. Always start a new relationship clean and honest. You will benefit from it in the long run..........................
2007-12-19 01:11:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with him...do not even think about dating other men until you break up with your current guy. All you are showing to the new guy is that you'll look for another guy before telling him your feelings changed. Do the right thing.
2007-12-19 01:06:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should spend some time alone. Right now you're asking complete strangers for advice on how to cheat on the guy you're gold-digging. Classy.
2007-12-19 01:09:50 · answer #9 · answered by Seattle_Slacker 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Love Triangles usually end up on court TV
2007-12-19 01:08:15 · answer #10 · answered by dada555 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋