My 5 yr old son got in big trouble for trying to steal a piece of candy at Wal-mart after I said he could not have any. So, since he was so stingy that he tried to steal I told him to pick out one of his presents under the tree and give it to me, and I plan on taking it back to the store. So he has been sad all day about it. Stealing was very bad and I want him to learn his lesson, but he really is upset about the present. I feel like the Grinch. Should I allow him to have it back? He would have to earn it somehow. Or should I stick to my guns because he tried to steal?
2007-12-18 15:58:13 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I also thought I might make him give it to a charity drive for kids as well. He has plenty other presents too, but he only knows about 4 under the tree.
2007-12-18 16:00:03 · update #1
Well, the punishment didn't really fit the crime did it? his presents have nothing to do with candy, so it will not be a very valuable lesson in not stealing. Just another lesson in arbitrary punishment.
Why didn't you just take him to the manager and have him hand over the candy? That would be the logical consequence for the deed. That and a talk about why stealing is wrong.
I would put the present back and tell him you decided to do something that makes more sense and march him back to that store ASAP and have him make up for the "theft."
2007-12-18 16:05:25 · answer #1 · answered by Terrible Threes 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I wholeheartedly agree with the person who said you should reverse course and make the punishment fit the crime. Taking a present away is a tough consequence, but it doesn't really have anything to do with what he did. Trust me, if you walk him back into the store, and make him talk to the manager and confess that he stole - that will make a HUGE impression, and be probably a much tougher thing for him to do ultimately than deal with losing a present.
It sounds like you're struggling with the path you chose - it is true that it's generally not a good idea to backtrack on punishments, but parents are allowed to make mistakes too, and if you articulate to your son that you've thought it over, and you feel the punishment you chose didn't fit, and you're doing the store manager thing instead - I don't think he'll see that as you being soft on him!!
One idea: Call the manager first and explain what you're going to do so you can make sure he or she will be around and will be on board with saying some stern words to your son.
2007-12-19 00:45:18 · answer #2 · answered by LawMom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As mean as it may seem you must teach him at a early age that he can't do such things so I would make him give the gift to a charity.. This will show him that there are other children out there that don't have much of anything but yet they are not stealing things to get what they want. I would nip it in the bud right now or he will think you will never stick to your guns later in the future and keep doing things that are wrong. You are not a Grinch just a mom that is trying to show their child right from wrong. There needs to be more parents like you in the world. Keep up the good work....
2007-12-19 00:08:05 · answer #3 · answered by lisa_sonydadc 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Stealing is a serious offense and since you've already set a consequence, I think it's really important that you follow through. I guarantee that he will get over and manage to go on with his life. If you don't follow through, you are undermining your discipline. Here's something to consider for next time.. when I get caught off guard I usually tell them that what they did was not okay and that I need a little while to think about the consequence. Sometimes I'll even ask them what they think would be an appropriate consequence.
2007-12-19 13:05:10 · answer #4 · answered by MG 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, he needs this. I have basically never stolen in my life, and that started when I was a kid. I saw others stealing little things from stores and just never even wanted to try it. With taking away a Christmas present he might just learn his lesson. Tell him you know people who have never stolen and never plan to, that might also help him. I hope he can stop doing it with this. You might even make him wait an extra day for his Christmas and try to make him understand just how serious this is. Theft is so rampant now at stores in America that we all pay more for goods because of it.
2007-12-19 01:00:07 · answer #5 · answered by burtontexjap 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps your son is too young to understand the link between his stealing candy and losing a Christmas present. Now it may be too late to give it back to him though, and you cannot bargain over a Christmas present. Perhaps you could say that Santa had pity with him and gave it back but left a warning that he should never steal again.
2007-12-19 02:57:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree that now that you have already laid out a punishment that it would not be good to go back on what you have said. what you might do if you feel that bad about taking the present. You might consider giving him a choice, losing his gift or confessing to the manager. But for the sake of respect for you and your guidance it probably would be a better idea to stick to your guns.
2007-12-19 02:45:40 · answer #7 · answered by ethology 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All punishments for kids below the age of 12 should be INSTANT. Kids that young cannot make the association between the "bad deed" and the punishment if the deed and the punishment are more than 5 minutes apart. It isn't that they are stupid. It is just that they are kids. Kids are not mini-adults; they are kids! They think in a different way from adults. So, taking away the toy won't prevent stealing. It WILL make him insecure about your love for him because the gift is a symbol of your love for him.
2007-12-19 00:09:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anpadh 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Stick to your punishment! Take it away and thats that! I was beat at the age of 5 for lying to my parents. Coming from an Asian family, if I even thought of stealing I would just get destroyed by my parents . . . and I would never ever think of doing such a thing ever again in my life!! I would just stick to you punishment because if you don't, then he will know that you will always be lenient on him in the future!
2007-12-19 00:07:39 · answer #9 · answered by asnplayer5 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Yes. I know you feel bad, but if you let him earn it back, he will never learn.You should take him to a place with homeless people and let him give it to a homeless child. It will show them that he is extremely lucky to have what he has. It will also show him that he should appreciate what he has and not get upset if he doesn't get a treat. Good luck:)
2007-12-19 09:13:58 · answer #10 · answered by no one 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋