Would you have done the same?

Question

I don't like my grandmother or anyone from my father's side of the family. My father and my mother are seperated bc he was abusive and so was his family (especially my grandmother). Years of emotional and mental torture was enough. This past weekend was my birthday so my grandmother sent me a card in the mail. I didn't open it bc I knew that it was money that my father usually gives her to give to me, bc she wouldn't even have bothered if it weren't for him. I didn't even bother opening the envelope and sent it back to her through mail. Was I wrong to do so?

Answer 1

Good !

I truly argee that if you don't care for the person, relative or not, and prefer not to have contact then it would have been a little weird to accept the $, much less the card. Good for you!

EDIT: If this woman has left you feeling so awful, then you did exactly what you should do. Not opened, no $ accepted. A simple "return to sender" was the best route.

Answer 2

I would have:

Opened the card to see what she wrote. Who knows, people do change, not often, but sometimes. If she included a very sincere apology from her heart and she admitted all the rotten things she did, then I would have kept the money.

If it was just a card, money and no acknowledgement of wrongdoing, I would have sent it back with a short note, something like - "I don't feel comfortable accepting your gift. There are too many painful memories associated with you and I'd appreciate it if you would not continue to contact me."

That's just me.

Answer 3

It's a little harsh not to, seeing as she made a little effort, i mean she could have bar none refused to write a card for you.

However if she abused you, then thats pretty bad..did you tell other people about this?

Answer 4

Yes. I would just leave well enough alone. You don't want to be a part of their web of nastiness.

At least there is something there that makes them care enough to send a gift. It does not obligate you to be a victim of their abuse.

Answer 5

Yes you did the right thing if you have no intentions of forgiving them then you're right not to take anything from them
I admire your convictions

Answer 6

unfortunately, you already did it, so there's nothing else you can do.

Personally, I would of written a brief, polite message declining it. I would of just said that you couldn't accept such a gift "at this moment in time".


good luck.

Answer 7

You were right. If your father wants to give you money, than he should send it his self or give it to you in person.

Answer 8

um...yes you were wrong...what if it was really her that was sending it without your father's help. You should have read the card to see if she left a message

Answer 9

I think you should try to forgive your father's side of the family. They are trying to get closer to you but if you dont accept their gift, its as if your not accepting their friendship or their apology.

Answer 10

No, that was a very mature thing to do considering he was abusive and so was she. You don't need to accommodate toxic people in your life, you need to get them out of your life...no matter who they are.