Hey
I always imagined a small wedding of about 150-200 people but my parents are like those people that know everyone. i'm an only child and the youngest in my family from both sides so this wedding is going to be on a grand scale. My parents are inviting everyone they know as well as people who hate me.
It's horrible and out of my control. I don't mean to sound ungrateful but the wedding list has reached sky high. I don't even know about 75% of the people and of those invited some actually really dislike me and yet they are going to come to my wedding.
What should i do? I don't wanna hurt my parents feeling but i want a small, memorable and intimate wedding not a circus. I know they always wanted this but it's my day too.
Please help.....
2007-12-18 11:38:58 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My parents are the same way & I also have always wanted a small wedding & so from the beginning of planning our wedding I nicely reminded my parents that this is my wedding, not theirs, & I don't want to feel obligated to invite all their personal friends there who don't even know me. They agreed that I was right & things have gone smoothly, with no pressure to invite their circle of friends.
You really need to tell your parents how you feel & explain your reasons. Remind them that this is your wedding day & you'd like to keep things on the smaller side, with a more personal feel. Hopefully they will be understanding. Try to compromise with them and make sure that they run names by you before writing them on the final guest list. Talk about each person & discuss why/why not they should be invited. This is really the only way to please everyone. Good luck, and don't let it stress you out too much, there are other things to worry about!
2007-12-18 11:57:04 · answer #1 · answered by sunflower 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My parents has this problem when planning their wedding. My mom and dad wanted to invite 150 people so each side could invite no more than 75. My grandma was furious and said "I can invite 150 just sitting here now." and mom said "too bad.". My grandma wanted to invite all these people that they knew through someone else through my grandpa's job. In the end my parents got what they wanted because it was their wedding. The fact that they paid for it also helped. Now the topic never comes up and everyone was happy with how the wedding turned out. Talk to your parents. If they are paying then it will be harder to get your point across but tell them that this is your day. They had their day the way they wanted it and now it's your turn. Tell them that you're not ungrateful but you don't want your wedding to be some grand event with people you don't even know. This is your wedding.. an intimate occasion to share with your family and friends, not the social event of the season. Tell them that you want to plan your wedding with their help, not them plan it and push you into all of it. You need to talk to them or you will be miserable.
2007-12-18 12:37:46 · answer #2 · answered by Rockit 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
The words you are using indicate that the invitations are already out. Will you having your smaller wedding make you feel better than your parents calling their plans off and uninviting their guests will make them feel bad? And can you feel good about them paying for your wedding after humiliating them? If you wanted to stop this you really should have done it sooner. I think the window of opportunity has come and gone, and that you will cause more harm than good at this point.
My advice is to buck it up little camper and give it the best shot you can!
Besides if you are truly marrying the man of your dreams the world could catch fire and burn around you and as long as you're married it won't matter at all.
2007-12-18 17:17:15 · answer #3 · answered by bountifiles 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know this weill get me a lot of thumbs down but it's my opinion and I stick by it.
Many people will start the bleating "it's YOUR day, do what you want". I don't completely agree with that.
A wedding can be a family celebration. A celebration of the bringing together of two families. It isn't always just about the two people getting married.
It sounds like your parents follow this line of thinking. They aren't wrong - they just may think of it differently than you. For them, a wedding is more than just you and your fella. It's also about their stature in society and amongst their friends and acquaintences. That often brings up issues that have nothing at all to do with who likes whom.
Your plan of 150-200 people would hardly be considered a small wedding.
A heart to heart chat with your family is in order. I'm not saying you have to comply, but keep in mind that going along with their plans doesn't have to mean you give in. As odd as it might sound, you can keep an intimate feel to your wedding in amongst all these people. You and your guy know who is important to you; the rest is just background noise and fill.
It's kind of like the idea of being lonely or alone in a crowd. It's all about your state of mind.
Best wishes. I hope you get this resolved without a visit to the loony bin.
2007-12-18 15:43:46 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
A small wedding = 150 to 200?
2007-12-18 13:50:11 · answer #5 · answered by jessiekarma 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi!
I can relate, because the same thing happened to us. It probably happens to many other couples. No wonder so many opt to "run away" for a quiet wedding.
It helps to separate "marriage" from "wedding". The marriage ceremony is for the bride and groom who marry each other, weddings are for the family and friends. Marriages are meaningful; weddings are stressful.
Since the bride's family traditionally pays for the wedding, they often decide whom to invite and take control of the planning, not the bride, and even less, the groom.
Weddings actually serve many other purposes. They're occasions for family to reach out to other family members, to show off to friends and family, to form closer relationships with the boss or client, to "reject" (by not inviting) those whom they disapprove--and oh yes, to celebrate your marriage.
Weddings are part of an multi-billion dollar industry that sets high romantic expectations that are easily dashed. They're also one of the most stressful events a couple can opt to undergo.
If it doesn't help to talk with your parents as others have suggested, my recommendation is to focus on the specialness of your marriage, and take a deep breath and stop fighting the family. If you relax into the wedding, you'll enjoy it more. If you fight them, you'll just make yourself miserable on a day that you want to remember with happiness.
During your reception, you'll be expected to meet people you don't know, but when you can, hang out with your new husband and special friends.
You'll remember the best parts if you focus on your marriage and surrender the wedding to your family. You'll also be less upset and worn down and better able to enjoy your honeymoon.
Good luck and congratulations!
2007-12-18 12:04:55 · answer #6 · answered by Joe_D 6 · 6⤊ 1⤋
If you are paying for this then you should put your foot down. If they are paying, then you eally need to take their wishes into consideration. Maybe you could compromise and have fewer people come to the ceremony and more people at the reception. If you do something like that, you can also have a smaller ceremony and a pre-reception cocktail hour for closer friends and family, and then all your parents friends at a later reception.
You should NOT allow anyone who hates you or who you hate to be invited. Your parents should respect that.
Good Luck!!
2007-12-18 11:49:57 · answer #7 · answered by Medicgirl 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Parents can be a nightmare sometimes when its comes to weddings! I am not sure whether your parents are helping out with paying for the wedding, but if so, it makes it a little more awkward....
I suggest sitting down and talking with them about how you feel.... maybe if you can compromise and cull the numbers down to ppl you and your fiance have ACTUALLY met before...
Good luck!
2007-12-18 11:51:11 · answer #8 · answered by meow™ 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Now really think about this. Sometimes parents just love you so much that they want the best for their only daughter. How much do you really love your parents? Sit down and talk with them. View their side first and then let them view you side after. state the positives and the negatives to the situation. Remember this could be for the rest of your life and your parents also.(remembering what type of wedding their daughter had)
2007-12-18 11:45:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 3⤋
Put your foot down. I had this same arguement with my husbands mom and mine. They wanted an endless list. I only wanted 200 people tops. (I even wanted it smaller than that) My husband couldn't even introduce me to a couple of his cousins when I first met them because he forgot their names. When it came time to the wedding they were first off the list. If you can't identify them in a crowd-they don't make the cut. It is harsh, feelings may get hurt, but this is your decision. People will get over it.
2007-12-18 11:46:35 · answer #10 · answered by oy vey 6 · 6⤊ 2⤋