A few days ago I was talking with some of my friends about parenting and childbirth. One of them mentioned that she is not particularly interested in having children because she doesn't think she would be a good mother and she doesn't have that "instinct" to have kids. She said she's just never had that desire to be a mother. Some of my other friends kind of attacked her (verbally) and told her she is "heartless", "selfish", "cruel", and "not a normal person" for wanting to do something with her life other than having children. I was kind of shocked-- I don't think it's a bad thing to not want to have kids.
What do you guys think? Is it a bad thing to not want children? Does it make you selfish if you don't?
2007-12-18 11:15:45 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Don't worry everyone-- I did stand up for her. I told my friends that having kids is a huge responsibility and that some people aren't meant to be parents (just look at how many abused and neglected kids there are in the world...)
Oh and to the answerer who said I'm secretly a man... don't worry, I'm not :) I'm a girl, trust me :P
2007-12-18 15:10:08 · update #1
I think it would be selfish to have children, knowing you aren't really maternal.
Of course, I've seen PLENTY of mothers that weren't "maternal" before they had kids but turned out to be amazing mothers.
If she doesn't want kids, it doesn't make her a bad person! She simply chooses not to procreate. That's neither a good nor bad thing.
I hope you stuck up for your friend! Just because she doesn't want children, doesn't make her less of a woman, or less of a kind hearted person either!
2007-12-18 11:19:55 · answer #1 · answered by Kaci 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Actually, I respect people who actually know they don't want to have children. There are far too many people who have them and don't really want them. It is not heartless, not everyone has the same interests. And it is not selfish. It would be selfish if she had children anyway, because society told her to, and then stuck them in other people's care all the time and made the child aware of what a 'burden' or how 'unwanted' they were. That is ten times more selfish. I think your friend who does not want children is a little ahead in the maturity department. She can always change her mind and have them if she wants...but once they are here...you can not just 'take them back'.
2007-12-18 11:22:09 · answer #2 · answered by Jules, E, and Liam :) 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not wanting to have children does not make a person selfish. Everyone has the right to make their own decisions and the last people that you would think would judge you are your friends. She is a smart woman to know what she wants and to not have kids anyway. Some people do this and then take it out on the kids. Good for you for standing up for her, I would have done the same thing.
2007-12-18 16:52:41 · answer #3 · answered by kim h 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It makes her a smart woman! Offspring will leave and then come back with even more people that you have to help. That's generally what happens when they're raised poor. Let's not think of the drug problem in the world that nobody can solve. What's the chance of everyone being happy? It takes time and a great deal of thought before having children. Why would anyone want to bring a child into this world? You only realize before it's to late that the money you are going to have to spend and the sacrifices you are going to have to make as a parent will be heartbreaking.
2007-12-18 11:24:06 · answer #4 · answered by Luv2no is in the house 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is not a bad thing nor is it selfish.. Some of us are meant to be mothers and some of us are not.. I think you know as a woman weather or not you want to be a mother or not.. It is not cruel or selfish nor heartless to not desire having children of your own.. If she feels she won't be a good parent there is a reason for that and that does not make her a bad person..My aunt is 50 some years old and never wanted children and doesn't have any but we as nieces and nephews benefit from that she spoils all of us rotten and I don't think she is bad nor selfish for not wanting children of her own..
2007-12-18 11:50:45 · answer #5 · answered by sarah w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not selfish at all, it's your personal choice in life. Don't mind what others say about you, do whatever pleases you. I had a similar experience with my parents when they asked me how many grandchildren I will give them and I told them I am not sure if I want to give them any but if I consider I would only give them one (not a guarantee) and they said that's selfish of me in which I didn't care. Children are just not for everyone in the world.
2014-02-06 08:42:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not selfish. But I do know people who say that because they are selfish. That doesn't sound like the case here. Sometimes, women don't ever have a desire for children and sometimes that changes when they fall in love with the right person. Alot of women can't have children and want them. Alot of women don't want them and then they happen. Alot of women don't want and don't have them. For most people it's not a bad thing to not want children. But, if you get married and profess love for a person, most women have an inate desire to give birth to children for that person. It's natural and normal to want them too. I've known couples who get married and say, "oh - we're not having children, what a huge responsibility and expense!" That's being selfish - not being open to have children just based on the hardship - when it's an amazing and wonderful thing. The people I know who got married in that mindset were selfish - how do I know? Their marriages didn't last. If you're selfish about children - you're selfish in your marriage and marriage and selfishness do not mix. On the other hand it's not selfish to just not have a desire for children. It's a hard call to say if it's selfish or not. I wouldn't pass judgment on people in a personal way, but I do observe and see what happens to people and I know the truth about who doesn't want kids and for what reasons. But, I don't tell them they are selfish just because I think they are because that's a judgment call that should only be made privately and not used to hurt their feelings.
2007-12-18 12:30:46 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This is a very personal issue and I sure hate that your friends attacked the one (verbally) when she said she did not want kids.
Just because she may now not want kids doesn't mean she may not change her mind at a later date. Be supportive or her decision. Just because someone makes that decision does not make them selfish, cruel and not normal. It takes a very mature person to know that they would not make a good mother.
I just wish people would respect that.
2007-12-18 11:22:50 · answer #8 · answered by Clueless 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
That is not bad for not wanting children. Kids are not for everyone. If someone don't want kids it is not being selfish. Being selfish is having a child and not taking care of them or loving them.
My Aunt don't have kids and she never will but that don't make her bad. She is an awsome aunt plus she is the god mother of my son. She did get to see the joy of having one. She was in the room when I had my son.
2007-12-18 11:25:43 · answer #9 · answered by Shortie1981 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If that is how someone feels they are doing the right thing by not having children. Don't have a child you don't want. It will be obvious to the child that they are not wanted.
You will be saving a child from a childhood of misery.
On the other hand. If someone who does not want children becomes pregnant, they should put it up for adoption, not abort it. Give the child a chance a t a good childhood with womeone who will love them.
2007-12-18 11:22:12 · answer #10 · answered by karate 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋