Need outsider's point of view! I am torn Between a GREAT Career and a GREAT Man (long distance relationship)

Question

I am in Cal and I have been seen this guy for over a year. He lives in my hometown TEXAS where my entire family is at. I have this rising career that demands a lot of me and allows me very little time to visit home.

This guy has my heart and is a very amazing warm hearted person… I keep canceling my trips to see him because my work is in a high demand of me! This breaks him into pieces and he is studying for his Masters and cant move over here… we want to move our Long distance relationship to another level because we both want to see each other more! He is tired of seen me only once every 2 or sometimes 3 months. What should I do? He fufills my heart and takes my breath away! But my career gives me the stability and security... I come from a low budget family and I am scared of not having enough money to take care of myself! Ohh I know I am an emotional mess right now he told me that he want to step away from our relationship because the distance and my work is just hurting him!

Answer 1

I would tell him what you have told us - that your career is important, that you want financial stability and security. If he is genuine, he will be patient.If he can't be patient, then you may have to step back from the relationship and evaluate it.
When you are young and in love it seems like that is so very important - however, and particularly for women, it is very important to give yourself a good solid financial basis; it is a hard fact that the percentage of marriages that make it these days is getting lower, and you need to have something to fall back on if the relationship falls apart.
From my point of view - that is, years of relationship experience and a broken marriage - I can tell you that it all seems rosy at first, and if you are lucky it will last, but if it fails, you do recover and the pain fades over the years.
So tread carefully and take your time, make sure you get what you want and need.

Answer 2

Well that really sucks but maybe you can look for jobs at same pay rate and ranking as you are now so you would be in the same class or just end it.
There are about 64 billion people in this world there is bound to be another guy thats better than him

Don't ruin your life and throw away a promising career
Love and a low budget life struggling to keep your kids in school and barley making Christmas or a nice/big house with a great husband and your kids so successful well this is if you plan on kids????


Id go with a great career but its your life you chose wisely

Answer 3

The Internet has changed dating. There's now hope for singles living in small towns and remote areas or in cities where meeting someone to date is difficult. By using the Internet, those singles can reach out geographically to meet other singles in all parts of the country and the world. People who otherwise wouldn't have met are doing so. And because of this, large numbers of singles are becoming involved in long-distance relationships, which brings a new set of concerns and issues of which singles need to be aware. Monica Jones lived in Mission Viejo, Calif., when she met her husband Greg, of Gulf Breeze, Fla., on the Internet. Monica considers herself to be the queen of long-distance relationships and shares sound advice for people considering relocating to be near a new lover: 1. Meet in person within a month so you won't invest a lot of time, money and emotions into someone who may not be what you're looking for. Face-to-face chemistry is unpredictable. 2. When you first meet, have a back-up plan-to stay at a hotel or return home sooner if the visit doesn't go as planned. 3. Meet and spend quality time with his family, friends and children. 4. Don't be in a long-distance relationship with someone you can't trust. Wondering if he or she is telling you the truth will drive you nuts. 5. Try not to go weeks or months without spending time together. People can change in that amount of time, and you may not be able to recognize the change via the phone or computer. 6. Have different methods of contacting each other -- the person's home, work, cell and pager numbers, and e-mail address. He or she should be willing to give all of these to you. 7. Before moving, spend several weeks with the person at different times of the year. 8. If you decide to move, discuss expectations beforehand. If it doesn't work, you both should have an exit plan. This is like a marriage pre-nuptial agreement, instead it covers moving to be together. 9. Have at least one back-up plan if the move doesn't work out. Make sure you can return to your old life if you need to. Don't co-mingle assets until you are in a committed relationship, whether it's marriage or another arrangement. Most long-distance relationships don't work, and few work out as well as Monica's and Greg's. But if people follow Monica's advice, and move slowly, and are honest with each other, they can have a beautiful life together by overcoming the miles between them.

Answer 4

Well, if he really loves you then he will stick it out until he is done with school. That way, you will both be totally set with good jobs and you'll be able to spend more time concentrating on your relationship.

Long distance relationships are hard, but my brother was in one for 6 years. The fact that someday they would be together kept them going. They wanted to wait until they were both completely ready before they decided to live together.

You can't have the best of both worlds in your situation, but you can have the best of one world, and a lot of good things from the other :) Just give it some time, you have the rest of your lives to be together and the anticipation will make it that much better in the end!

Answer 5

That's a really tough situation to be in; choosing between your career that you love or the guy that you love. What about starting to look at jobs similar to yours in that area??? Or talking to your boss about being able to spend more time in TX?? Maybe you would even be able to work a couple days a week from there??

Really all you can do at this point is to try your best to come up with some kind of compromise. Good luck!

Answer 6

These kind of things are double edged swords. You always think that a career is not worth hurting your personal life, but sometimes that is not always the case. If you both care about each other that much, you should both be willing to make sacrifices. Do you see yourself marrying this man? If so, if you think he is THE ONE, then you both need to make sacrifices to make your relationship work. If he needs to transfer to a school in California to complete his Masters, then he should do it if you mean that much to him. If he is unwilling to do so, then perhaps he isn't the one. The same with you - you should be willing to find a solution by sacrificing. I know it's a tough situation, but if you are meant to be with him, you will follow your heart and make the right decision.

I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 7

that is a very confusing potition, i think i can only suggest a rather irrational way of decision making

count the time between now and the the last time potition where you might will lost him, if it not sure, take the nearest one

schedule this tasks

- get relax, do a relaxing activity
- if u're sure that u are relax, take a note a make positive and negative effect of each decision
- if you're stuck, stop it
- try again next time u have time to relax
- do this only before the "deadline"

i know which one to choose, but i think it will be difficult for you to read that some one suggest "that", cos leaving any of it sounds cruel, i guess i'll let u find it out your self, you can only find it in a clear mind

Answer 8

Have you looked into possible job opprotunities in Texas to be closer to him? You have to decide if a life of being a work a holic is more important than him, and vice versa. This isnt a decision anyone can make for you. If you want to be with him, see about getting transfered or finding a job back home to be with him since he cant move to California. If not, then take the break and let him finish school and see where it can go from there.

Answer 9

I think you need seriously to take time out on your own to think very deeply about this. You say he has your heart. you say he is amazing. Look at those 2 statements and study them very closely. Your work has a high demand of you. He is studying for his Masters. Do you want the high demand of your work? Does he want his Masters? He says he wants to step away from your relationship. Very sensible, and I would suggest, so should you.

Answer 10

Follow your heart every time, this is what will make you happy long term. Any job is not guaranteed and is only the means to an end. If he is studying for his Masters then presumably he will end up with a good job himself and so be financially secure thus ending your previous financial problems and ensuring an end to any money worries. You can then have a family and either a career as well or not, the choice will be yours. The main thing is you will have a happy life with a husband and possibly children as opposed to rich singledom - there is only one choice for you to make in my opinion. (Make sure you invite me over to the wedding!) Good luck!