My wife and I moved our family from one city to another (500 miles away) and we both left good companies and took jobs with other good companies. One of the companies paid the relocation. We are now realizing things that make us feel like we may have been better off where we were. Homes are much more expensive. We miss our friends and are not happy. We haven't found a house that we want to committ to moving into. Our toddlers are misbehaving here...where they didn't before. It seems difficult to get our kids in to see a doctor here when they are sick..etc...etc. My wife and I both love our current employers and feel that there are great opportunities here. We are in our late 30's. Should we move back in a year or two? The grass looked greener on the otherside, but now that we are there, it isn't. We fixed some things with the move and hurt other things.
2007-12-18 07:27:23 · 11 answers · asked by BAM 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Always remember - never compare
Go forward and create a new home and new life. It takes a while to make a new place seem like home. Your tykes are feeding off your discontent and angst.
Nothing is ever the same - even if you moved back something will have changed.
Enjoy and enrich your life where it is.
2007-12-18 07:34:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, I think it may just be the initial anxiety of moving and a big change. I went through the same thing a few years ago and now I am so glad I stuck with it. To overcome the questions, my wife and I started exploring, becoming more active in the community and did our best to settle in. Now, we love it and we are very happy we committed. On the other hand, if you have been there for awhile, and things are just not progressing, then maybe you should rethink it. I would at least give it a year or two and really get to know the area. Then, if you still feel that, then at least you tried and that is the most important thing. Good luck!
2007-12-18 07:34:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The deal has went down. You made the decision to move and there is no looking back other than fond memories of where you used to live. Give your new life some time. Your life is different and it's going to take some getting used too! If you could go back it might not be like you remember. Things change. Try and find some good things about where you live at now. Don't dwell on the negative side. You might as well make the best of where your at. You love your job and feel you have some great oportunities. Take advantage of them!! Good luck and I hope this helps.
2007-12-18 07:39:17 · answer #3 · answered by clayton M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you moved? Sometimes it takes a while to adjust - Anytime someone relocates there is a "culture shock" even if you remain in the same country -
Try not to focus on the negative parts (higher cost of living for example) Take this as an assignement and review your long term goals in 6 months from now -
Try to join a group that shares the same interests as you and your wife -
Your toddlers are misbehaving because they probably feel that you and your wife are not happy and not because they moved to a new place - Kids are like sponges, usually they will adapt easely when the parents are adapting well -
Off my website: http://www.relocatingtoseattle.com/emotionalside.html
Goodluck!
2007-12-18 07:39:04 · answer #4 · answered by seattlefrenchie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I relocated at about your age. It was really difficult. It seemed like everyone here had made their friendships in kindergarten and didn't need to make new friends. We also had problems finding "The House." Luckily, we didn't have children because that would have been even harder on everyone. Like you, the move fixed some things but created different problems. We've been here for about 8 years now and things have sort of settled down. We've finally found a family doctor, we know where to go to buy what we need, we have FINALLY made a few friends.
My husband was really stressed by all the change and ended up having an affair with someone who was supposed to have been my friend. We decided we wanted to work things out and went to marriage counseling. We have worked it out now, thankfully. Ultimately, what the move did was make us closer and more reliant on each other.
It was hard and I really wouldn't want to have to do this again.
Good luck!
2007-12-18 07:36:33 · answer #5 · answered by K. F 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try and stick it out for a while. Try to make new friends through other parents at the daycare or a local house of worship..ask neighbors for babysitter references and go out at night to the local places. I've moved a few times a have felt the same as you are now. It does take some time to get acquainted with the community and meet people.. During the warm weather, take walks and meet the neighbors. That always helps. Do some volunteer work in the area.
2007-12-18 07:38:51 · answer #6 · answered by Hi its me again 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Going on 3 years ago, my husband and I moved a thousand miles, basically on a whim. I have an abusive ex husband that had become increasingly threatening to me, we had a new baby that has health problems which require she see certain specialists that we lived nowhere near, his job was downsizing threatening to leave us without an income, and our lease on our house was up. I had family in another state, so spontaneously (and pretty stupidly and irresponsibly) we left our home and moved the thousand miles. When we got here, he found work quick. We found a decent home. We didn't like it, thought. We missed our friends- he missed his family- we were scared we'd made the wrong choice.
Three years later, though, we love it and I think it's the best thing we ever did (besides the kids). Give it time. You might be pleasantly surprised.
2007-12-18 07:33:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
all I can say is that if you show the same kind of committment to your marriage that you have to your own decisions, I doubt you will remain married long.
Any time you move, it's a major life change, and it is never easy. To be fair, you need to give yourself at least three years in the new location before you can honestly say it isn't working. Nothing is going to be the same as it was, but time really does mend all things. You will make new friends, you will become accustomed to the new life, and your kids will stop acting out after a while, they are simply reacting to the stresses you and your wife are displaying and they feel insecure.
2007-12-18 07:32:56 · answer #8 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please calm down a bit. You are both overwhelmed and it's reflecting on your youngsters. Perhaps you expected everything to be fixed somehow, well it doesn't work this way. Now you've come to some realizations and feel bad, thinking that you've made a mistake. Don't be too harsh on yourselves. Reach out to the community you now live in and try to relate to the new people around you. Give them half a chance to get to know you and your family. Most people will try to make you feel welcome.
You're not all okay now, but you will be okay. Give it some time. Hope this helps a bit.
Best of luck to all of you and take care.
2007-12-18 07:42:38 · answer #9 · answered by Tom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give it some time. Maybe things will begin coming together soon. As far as the kids, they will adjust. Children have a hard time with change sometimes, and this may be the cause of the behavior problems. they will adjust once they see their parents adjusting. If you two don't seem, or feel quite adjusted, you cannot expect them to. Once they know this is now home, they will be more apt to calm down. I would wait it out to see if things get better before planning another move, especially with children.
2007-12-18 07:37:03 · answer #10 · answered by Nolan's Mommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋