My husband and I were married by a judge 8 years ago, with no wittnesses. We were planning a renewal ceremony for our 10th anniversary, but due to the failing health of his grandparents and father, we decided to move it up. We are having a church wedding and recreating what we would have had, if we could have. I am not having bridal shower/bachelor party, but I do want to have my brother walk me down the aisle as my father is no longer with us. I really want this to feel like a wedding but most of the advice I am getting limits me on what I can/cannot do. Would it really be that horrible to have 3 attendants and traditional dances, cake and all. I do not want to offend anyone, but I really want to include those who will probably not be here in another 2 years. We are limiting guests to 100 friends/family. Is it really wrong if it is something we really, really want? I would be gratedful for any advice.
2007-12-18 06:07:05 · 21 answers · asked by efs1968 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We are not asking for gifts. We are only aknowledging what we have and asking people, especially those who may not be here in another 2 years, to share in our celebration. I plan on including a note w/ the invites to that effect. I want nothing from my guests but their prescence and joy.
2007-12-18 07:07:48 · update #1
Why would it be selfish? If you want a celebration, then throw a party! By all means, go for it. If I received an invitation to share in my friend's or family member's vow renewal celebration, I would be delighted, not offended. If you're that worried about what people might read into it, just state on the invitations that "your presence is the only gift we're requesting" or something to that effect. Honestly, I see nothing offensive in your plan.
P.S. To the poster above (monicasomething) - no, it will not be a "real wedding". But nor does it have to be. We celebrate birthdays every year, not just on the day we actually emerge from the womb. Every celebration is exciting. If you could only celebrate the event during the time it was happening, there would be no birthday parties, anniversaries and Independence days. You get my drift.
2007-12-18 07:19:36 · answer #1 · answered by Sandy Ego 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi. Of course, most on here will tell you that you should "do it up" because most of them are brides to be themselves and are excited about their own upcoming weddings.
I, however, see this to be a little over the top. I CAN and DO understand that you did not have a big wedding the first time.....but it was A REAL WEDDING! For whatever reason at that time in your life....that is what you decided...so now you should accept it and move on with your life.
I call it a wedding re-do....and it's really gotten out of had if you ask me. You are not the first one by any means to post this question.
Will it make you happier to spend this money for this re-enactment? If so....go ahead.
Personally, I WOULD have a small anniversary party and include all those who you say will probably not be here for much longer. I can understand that. But when you have these re-enactments....it's like trying to erase the last 8 years that you have been husband and wife. Why would you want to do that? Just because you had a courthouse wedding?
In the end...do what you want. It seems like you have all the plans in motion anyway and are just looking for validation of your "dream."
I would have an anniversary party and spend the money on a great trip with my husband!
2007-12-18 16:34:32 · answer #2 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not selfish, just not appropriate. Your wedding was what it was, regardless of the circumstances. Don't have regrets...
A vow renewal is NOT 'another' wedding, or a 'do over'. It should simply be a ceremony - doing it in a church is lovely, but it's basically a blessing. No attendants, no wedding gown, etc. Then just host your family and close friends to a dinner at your home, pretty much a nice anniversary party.
2007-12-19 10:10:19 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should state "renewing your vows" on the invite. I don't see a problem with wearing a wedding gown as many people do that, but usually someone walks you down the aisle because they are giving you away - and you are already married so you can't be given away any longer. My suggestion would be for both you and your husband to walk down the aisle together to reinstate your marriage.
If you want, have your brother and the other attendants be at the top waiting for you when you and your husband get to the end of the aisle. I think that would be fine. Maybe even have your brother get his license to marry? Anyone can do it and that would make it extra special to have your brother re-marry the two of you.
I think having traditional dances and a cake would be fine too. Just try and get a song that signifies you already being together, not as if it's your "first dance" together.
I think something like this would be nice with a note on the bottom saying, "no gifts please, we only require the gift of your presence."
The pleasure of your company
is requested at the reaffirmation of the
wedding vows of
Mr. & Mrs. ________________
on __________ the _________
at ________________
at the ____________________
______________, ________________
Reception immediately following ceremony
R.S.V.P.
2007-12-18 16:29:24 · answer #4 · answered by Paula Christine 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's not wrong, but it is a little unusual. You're not getting married, you are reaffirming your marriage. There's no need to be walked down the aisle, because you are not being given away or walking into a new chapter in your life. You and your husband should walk in together, to show your committment to each other.
I don't think attendants are appropriate. Dances are fine, you'd be dancing anyway.
I don't really understand the need to have vow renewals. I know you want it to feel like a wedding, but it isn't, it's a renewal. I guess it's going to come down to how important it is for you to do things the way you want to. If you really don't care what others think, then do things the way you want. If you think it would bother you to have people saying to themselves "Why are we doing all of these things, they are already married"; then don't.
And you will get gifts, whether you want them or not. I know I would be mortified if I went to an event like the one you're describing empty handed.
2007-12-18 15:39:00 · answer #5 · answered by sarah jane 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hon, you can have EVERYTHING that people have with a first wedding.
However I would not register for gifts. Just let everyone know that their presence is the only present needed.
Have your dances, your cake, your white dress, your attendants, etc!!!
Just be sure to put on the invitations its a vow renewal ceremony (though I'm sure those who you are inviting should already know this!).
Ignore the naysayers, you have EVERY RIGHT in the world to have a vow renewal with loved ones!
2007-12-18 20:30:45 · answer #6 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I see absolutely NOTHING wrong in what you are doing. You are having what you did not have the first time around. Whatever that entails-DO IT. Do not let ANYONE talk you out of it. Who is paying for this? You are. There ARE NO limits except your budget. You do not live your life by what others think and do, so do not plan your renewal that way either.
2007-12-18 15:39:13 · answer #7 · answered by Debbie D 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry, you gave up your traditional wedding years ago when you married in front of a judge. Even if you have bridesmaids, food, a reception, etc. and try to force it to feel like a wedding, it will lack the genuine excitement and happiness that only comes from actually getting married. People will resent having to buy gifts, get all dressed up and attend a fake wedding, just to make you feel better about missing out 8 years ago.
Instead of throwing yourself a wedding, host a family reunion at your house. This way you can acknowledge your anniversary, get all the family together and make some great memories without the whole "Look at me, I'm going to pretend I'm a bride" thing.
2007-12-18 14:55:10 · answer #8 · answered by monicanena 5 · 3⤊ 4⤋
It sounds like a wonderful idea and even nicer since you are pushing it up so your loved ones will be there for it. If you want it, go for it! If worst comes to worst, you are having a large party and getting family and friends together and no one can not like that! Everyone who wants a wedding (out of a courthouse) whether it be the original wedding day or 8 years later deserves on if they want it. Besides, why would it be selfish? Is it hurting anyone? I hope your family and friends support you, I don't know why they wouldn't, but I think it sounds really nice.
2007-12-18 14:14:01 · answer #9 · answered by Melissa L 3 · 3⤊ 3⤋
Were having a renewal of vows as well. hubby wants to wait until our 10th.. i want to do it next year on our 7th annivesary. Our day was a nightmare (Rude/Drunk Room mates).... No honeymoon because his mother and sister stayed the week.. ugh... I am thinking about it really hard. I say GO FOR IT!! And Good Luck!!!
2007-12-18 15:47:23 · answer #10 · answered by Leslie Y 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋