I have been married for 10 years. My in-laws were okay before I gave birth to my daughter (9 years ago). The disrespect started when she cussed me out because I went to run an errand when she told me not to go anywhere and that she would handle my errands. When my daughter was about 3 months old she todl me that she was surprised the baby wasn't dead because I took her out too much in the cold weather. My child was a perfectly healthy baby. I have a problem with my child eating pork so I would send her to my in-laws with food so that they wouldn't have to go to any extra trouble. They would feed her pork anyway and tell her not to worry about your mother, we'll handle her. They have told my daughter not to listen to me. She is no longer allowed to be at their house. Most of the contact they have with my daughter is either on the phone or on holidays. Sometimes I feel guilty about that but I feel they have given me no choice. How would any of you handle this?
2007-12-18 05:48:05 · 29 answers · asked by cheryl h 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
From the tone of your posting, I'd bet that the problem isn't entirely with your in-laws.
I notice that the posting is more about you than it is about the child. I think you have some serious control issues that you better work on before the poor girl gets to school age, or you will all be miserable.
2007-12-18 05:57:48 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Ok, first you are disrespectful because you let your bf's niece prank call your mother in law. Second, she may find it disrespectful that you don't eat her food. She is obviously from a different country and many countries find it really rude if you don't eat their food. So either make lunch for everyone or eat what she makes since two people can't be in the kitchen at once. She says that you don't pay the gas bill. Do you pay any bills? Because you keep calling everyone else the mooch, but it really sounds like you are the one mooching. You said you spent the entire day in your room to stay away from her. Why don't you do something to help around the house? You said that she gave your bf a hard time for not picking her up from work and that it is her husband's job to chauffer her around. Why her husband and not your son, huh? That's his mother! And she was at work, yet you say she needs to get off her lazy butt. Doesn't sound lazy to me. Last, if it's so terrible, move out. You say your bf's name is on the house - that's not you. So move out! This may be harsh and your mother in law may be downright awful, but you don't sound like any angel yourself. You need to start respecting her. You are not respecting that she was your bf's mother LONG before you were his gf. You may be his family now, but she is too.
2016-05-24 22:07:00 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well the one rule I learned really young was you do not parent anyone children other then your own. I have not met one Mother who would accept anyone telling their child not to listen to them regardless of an in law.
You are correct do not feel bad. Your in laws could have apologized to you and your daughter and this would all be in the past but they made the choice not to.
2007-12-21 04:09:04 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old do your in-laws think you are? You are supposedly an adult and able to make decisions for yourself!
You're doing the right thing. Restrict your daughter's contact with her grandparents. If the pork issue is religion-related, you have a perfectly valid reason to cut contact off altogether.
(How did you find out what they said about "handling" you and feeding her pork?)
Anyone who tells my children not to listen to me deserves to lose contact with them.
Don't feel guilty. Contact a good family practice attorney and tell him about what you posted and get some strong legal advice.
2007-12-18 05:55:15 · answer #4 · answered by confidentgal 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I would do the same. You are that little girls mother. You should in no way feel guilty. No one has the right to tell you how to raise your child or to turn her against you. A few years from now you could try and work things out again with them, when your daughter knows better than to just listen to them out of respect for their seniority. Good luck :)
2007-12-18 05:53:59 · answer #5 · answered by Ice Blue 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Om, by the way you say they were acting, you've done EXACTLY what you should have. NO ONE should tell your daughter not to listen to you. That is wrong and could hurt your child in many different ways. I also understand the not eating pork thing. I would have been upset if they did give it to her anyways. You've done well. Maybe explain to them why she doesn't get to see them as much anymore, and they just may change their ways. If not, keep up with what you've been doing!
2007-12-18 05:53:31 · answer #6 · answered by Be Still and know He's God 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You and the child's father have the responsibility to do what you believe is best for your child. It would be more beneficial to your child to have a relationship with the in-laws, perhaps your husband and you together could reach a compromise with the in-laws concerning your child.
2007-12-18 05:55:22 · answer #7 · answered by Bette 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow what a stressful situation for you...i feel sorry for your daughter....this has been going on so long and it has to be really hard on her....also your husband must feel pretty bad about the whole thing. your in-laws need to learn respect...unfortunately if they haven't figured that out by now they probably won't....your daughter though is old enough now to take up for herself ...if she wants to see them ...let her...i am sure you have taught her how to politely decline things that she knows are no good for her...i doubt if they could force her to eat something you disapprove of and she can always decide if she wants to stay there or come home...don't be the bad guy...let her see them....you are raising her right and that will show
2007-12-18 05:57:12 · answer #8 · answered by jazzy l 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The same way as you are.
If they want their petty disagreements to get in the way of having a relationship with their granddaughter and niece...then so be it.
You are the mom, you know what is best for your child...if they can't respectfully agree to disagree, then they should just shut up. Seriously.
What they're doing is trying to triangulate the situation (us vs. them) and that's not fair to your daughter.
Removing her from being the "middle" of the situation is the right thing to do, as well as reinforce to your daughter that it is NOT her that is causing the problems...it's them.
2007-12-18 05:52:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think you absolutely did the right thing. I wouldn't change a thing about it. They have to realize this is YOUR child, not theirs. Because they've failed you time and again, they cannot be trusted and your daughter will be a lot more well-adjusted as a result because she won't be hearing 3 different sets of rules and whatnot.
Way to go mom!
2007-12-18 06:44:14 · answer #10 · answered by Amy 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋