My daughter is 15 and has to spend a few days over the Christmas at my parent's house. She is not looking forward to it. My parents make funny comments and try to drag her into doing things that she does not like.
They are very excited because its the first Christmas in a long time that she is spending with them. She lived with her Dad in another state and he never sent for Christmas.
She is not at all excited and does not like my mother's rude, weird comments or the way my Dad keeps trying to give her advice regarding making friends, etc.
I am taking a few days off over the holiday, but have to work for a few days also.
I don't know if I should try and pacify her or just let it be. She has to learn to tolerate situations that are not to her liking. But, I had seeing the long face when I pick her up.
She is not able to get her homework done there in the evenings because my mother talks to her, etc... and then she gets upset because her time got wasted.
2007-12-18 05:41:37 · 15 answers · asked by Stareyes 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your daughter needs to realize how important family is and how lucky she is to have grandparents that love and care about her. I think she is being selfish but also acting somewhat like a normal teen. You need to tell her to get her prioritites straight. Sorry...
2007-12-18 05:46:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell your parents the truth about how she feels and advocate for her. Give them some extra money and a daughter-approved list of places she'd like to go and things she'd like to do. Grandparents (all parents) need to also learn to deal with the child they have, not just do what worked, or what works on some. Also, tell your mom that she can't get her homework done and that she'd prefer to be left alone when she's studying, and to lay off the funny comments. Tell your dad that he should focus more on getting to know her than advising her. Be truthful about how uncomfortable she is when they are weird or pushy. In turn, tell your daughter that everyone is excited to have a rare opportunity to host her on Christmas and that although you will talk to your parents, you'd like for her to try to find a way to connect with the family. They are your parents, after all. Make sure she understands that no one gets to see her as much as they'd like. Ideally, they'd be around her so much that everyone would know each other well and feel comfortable expressing their needs.
2007-12-18 05:56:47 · answer #2 · answered by Lovey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
so are you traveling a long distance to see your parents, or is this a day trip? I think that if you are traveling, it would be reasonable to stay at a local motel to get some personal space.
On one hand, I understand the need to interface with the parents, but on the other hand, I think there should be some boundaries set.
Your daughter needs to diplomatically tell her grandmother that she needs some time to get her studies done and to leave her alone to do so.
Your daughter needs to be coached in how to finesse these know-it-alls, and how to put them off so she can do something else undisturbed. She also needs to learn how to tell someone that something is none of their business, and that their comments are out of line.
Think of this as a laboratory for your daughter to learn how to set and reinforce boundaries.
Try picking up a book called "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense".
2007-12-18 06:01:37 · answer #3 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
a guy and woman who've desperate to marry would desire to achieve this while not having to be on their parent's payroll. in case you acquire right into a conflict of words inclusive of your parents (and shared it inclusive of your husband) and have because of the fact that reconciled with them, he grew to become into not secure in that technique and nevertheless holds the preliminary resentment which broke you up initially. a guy is proud and would not choose yet another guy to ought to pay for HIS family individuals. so which you will nevertheless take money out of your parents (and a considerable volume) it extremely is nearly a slap on your husbands face that he can not help having a spouse and youngsters. His resentment would stem from how lots you run to them to get out of your financial issues verses stepping returned and extremely putting a funds and sticking with it. in case you may't have the money for it, do not purchase it. you're 2 19 12 months olds helping 2 little ones, I confident desire your husband has a severe paying job with super medical reward because of the fact that that's what's mandatory to develop a family individuals.
2016-10-02 01:34:35 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
TAKE your daughter with you to your parents' home over the holidays and expect her to be nice to them while she's there. Try to find another way to deal with the days you work but under the circumstances, I wouldn't want to make her stay there during that time.
2007-12-18 06:01:11 · answer #5 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She has my sympathy, I was made to do this when young, and told we must do things we do not like doing to build character, I cannot see how it helped my character, I just did it to keep the peace, so perhaps you can persuade your daughter she is doing you a big favour,by complying, it may not be as bad as she anticipates, you have brought back unhappy memories, my grand parents never spoke to me, I had to sit silent, and no fidgeting, but this was back in the 1930's, not that all grand parents were like mine. Happy Christmas.
2007-12-18 06:02:32 · answer #6 · answered by joe 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your daughter is acting like a typical spoiled teenage girl. The prospect of spending time with their granddaughter is probably very exciting for your parents. Hopefully you can talk to your daughter and see if you can get her to grow up a bit and gain some maturity.
2007-12-18 05:49:10 · answer #7 · answered by cynthiajean222 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Perhaps you should try to head some of these problems off at the pass, by talking with your parents. It sounds like a lot of her issues are stemming from them. Adress the things that they are doing wrong, and also adress your daughter's attitude to her in a private conversation. If all else fails, you're her mum, and she has to listen. =\
Cheers
2007-12-18 05:47:39 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah P 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
what 15 year old likes spending time with old folks?? but you know what....one day she will look back at those times fondly when your parents are no longer around to spend time with...do not let her "out" of it because she will regret that she did not listen more closely to the advise of your father....and maybe the questions your mother asks are not really weird she may just be curious about her grandchild...let them spend time together...who knows how long they will be here ...make them happy while you can.....
2007-12-18 05:49:05 · answer #9 · answered by jazzy l 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You should try talking to your parents. Let them know that their love and attentions for your daughter,as wonderful as they are, are hard for your daughter to accept and deal with because she hasn't had the opportunity to be with them for so long. Teenagers like their space, remember when you were her age? Try to get your parents to see things her way and maybe it won't be so hard for your daughter.
2007-12-18 06:07:41 · answer #10 · answered by Dazy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋