Any advice? My 17 yo son died from methadone OD. The autopsy showed nothing else but this drug. He did not use

Question

I (the mother) am working through this along with alot of unanswered questions. The person that gave it to him and encouraged him to take it is in jail facing manslaughter. I have turned that over to God. I don't judge not even in this traumatic event in my life. I am strong and I am trying to make sometime positive out of it to keep our spirits up. This happened sept. 28, 2007. He fell asleep across my middle son and wifes bed and never woke up. They found him when they were awaken by noticing him there. My 20 yo son drove to my house and woke me up at 6 am screaming and crying "He is dead! His face is blue! Mom -------- is dead! I was in a deep sleep and jumped up, my husband and I driving frantically to get there. I was praying and screaming all the way. We drove up and I ran to the door being stopped by the sheriff telling me He is gone, I couldn't go in and I fell to the ground screaming. All of this keep replaying in my head. I don't believe in telling my problems to psyc's HELP

Answer 1

I am very sorry for your loss. It broke my heart to read your words.

I know that this will not stop the hurt, only time can do that, but You need to realize that your son is fine. He is safe and happy in the loving embrace of the creator. I believe this from the very bottom of my heart. This is how I know.

Several years ago I had an unusual experience concerning an uncle, a distant relative who lived over a thousand miles away.

While driving my car I suddenly felt the unmistakable presence of this relative that I hardly even knew. He was more like someone I had heard about than someone I knew. It was very strange; it felt as though I was momentarily lifted right out of my physical body. I seemed to be suspended somehow beyond space and time, bathed in a love so intense It felt like I could have just disappear into it at any moment if It would have let me. It only lasted for a few seconds, but it seemed to last forever at the same time. I realize how crazy this must sound. The experience was so strong that at first I was afraid I was loosing my grip on reality. I finally managed to chalk it up to an over active imagination.

Three days later I got a call from my aunt telling me that this uncle we are talking about had gone into a coma and died the day I had the experience. It felt like ice water had been poured down my back when she told me this. I had lost any real ideas of God or faith and had become somewhat of an atheist. Needless to say this experience caused me to rethink some of the conclusions I had come to.

I feel blessed to now understand that even in our darkest confusion something loves us so much that it went out of its way to assist me and bring me back to a state of absolute certainty about Gods love for us.
During the experience it seemed like there was a vast amount of information that I was somehow allowed access to. One thing that I came away from this experience understanding beyond any shadow of a doubt was that any Idea that God is unhappy with us or would judge or allow us to be punished for any reason is simply impossible.

I can’t explain the love I felt with words. They simply don’t make words big enough or complete enough to do this. The only way I can begin to convey this love to you is to say that there was simply nothing else there. Nothing but love. No hint of judgment, no displeasure of any sort. It is as though God sees us as being as perfect as we were the day we were created. It is only in our confused idea of ourselves that we seem to have changed.

I hope this is of some help to you. Good luck. Love and blessings.

Your brother don

Answer 2

I have to join all the others here in saying this is a horrible thing to have to go through. I’ve dealt with a number of substance related deaths, and none of them were easy for anybody to take.

I suspect, from reading your message, that at this point in time what is probably driving you just a little bit crazy are all the feelings you’re having. They just seem to come in waves, one after another with no rhyme or reason to them. Some are justified, and some seem to have no real justification for their existence.

Please believe this - there is nothing wrong with you. If you DIDN’T get at least a LITTLE emotional, then we’d have a reason to worry.

You say you are a Christian. That’s a good starting point. At least you’ve got someone in your corner who’s better than any doctor ever could be.

I’d like to point something out here, if I may. One of the things you said was that you’re trying to make something positive out of all that’s happened. There are two ways to deal with a tragic event. One is to be, and remain, a victim, forever seeking the sympathy of others for your misfortune. The other option is to say “never again,” and do something to see that it never does happen again. Kind of like the old adage about what to do if life hands you lemons. Make lemonaide.

You could look at this as probably the worst thing that ever happened to anybody, and do everything you can to distance yourself from it, for which very few would blame you. Or you could do something else.

You could actually see this as an opportunity to do something good. Think about it for a moment. What happened to you makes you unique; not everybody has gone through the tragic events you have. That gives you an insight that many people are looking for. And you want to do something positive? Why not try helping other people out who find themselves in similar circumstances? I mean, you’ve been through the mill, so to speak. If anybody knows what it’s like, you do, and in spades. You might not have all the answers, but you sure know just what they’re feeling, and sometimes that’s all they need. You might even prevent some bad things from happening to other people, maybe not because you know all the warning signs and now you’re so wise, but simply because you can help increase awareness that stuff like this happens without anybody being aware of it until it’s too late.

Some might say life gave you a tragedy. I think God says He’s given you an opportunity to take what might seem like a senseless waste of a life, and finally make it mean something.

Answer 3

First, I'm sorry for your loss. I always find comfort in knowing that none of us (no matter how healthy or how old) is guaranteed another day. And - death is the NATURAL conclusion to life no matter how unnatural the death is. You can't live in the past. Your son wouldn't have wanted it that way. You have to move on. Bad stuff happens to good people and bad stuff happens to bad people. Gods have nothing to do with it. It's simply the nature of things. When a person (even a teenager) makes bad choices in life, sometimes the end result is death. Sorry if I seem harsh, but unfortunately - you can't change what happened. What's done is done. Why are you torturing yourself? You create your own reality just like your son created his.

Answer 4

You will be in my prayers

In the book of James, it takes about the need to "confess your sins to one another". Am I not trying to call you "sinful" or anything, but that word simply means "shortcomings" - those times when you miss the mark. I am sure that you are feeling that there are things you could/should have done differently, etc. Those are the kinds of things we need to "talk through".

It appears you realize that instinctively, as you are asking strangers on an open forum what to do and how to handle this. Would it not make more sense to talk to someone who is trained in dealing with these kinds of things? If you are uncomfortable with a psychologist (and I do not blame you), then make an appointment with the pastor of one of the churches in you area. Most of them are trained and experienced in helping people to deal with tragedies like this. That is what the church is for - so we can talk through (confess) the problems and shortcomings (sins) in our lives.

Answer 5

we will all die some day and it is not ever easy on the ones left behind. You can take comfort that he is resting in peace and will until the judgment comes. I know you are hurt . I have a son almost the same age and he is just my best bud . So your sons death is not in vain I will learn the lesson from this and pay close attention to my children and pray for them . I am sure his life will not be defined by this on act of confusion. Give thanks in good and bad to our Father and give your pain to him and remember your a living woman and still have work to do Blessings.

Answer 6

First of all, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for you and your family's loss.

Canadian Atheist: Respectfully, she DID say the man who encouraged him to take it is in jail.

Now, I'm not sure what you are looking for. If your son wasn't a user and the man who did this IS in prison, then I think you continue doing what you said you're doing now. Leave things in God's hands and take comfort in Jesus promise of a resurrection at John 5:28,29. I never lost a child, but my baby brother ... ok KID brother died at the age of 25 of pancreatic cancer; my mother died less than a year later. That scripture gave me great comfort then and still does now.

All the best to you. If you want to continue to "talk", please do feel free to email me.

Answer 7

This has made me cry. I am so very sorry. I have heard there is nothing worse than loosing a child. I can imagine how you must feel.

Pray and read the Bible. You might consider making an appointment to talk with a minister.

May God be with your family.

Answer 8

first, i am truely sorry for your loss and the events that led up to it. i am glad to hear you turned it all over to God even more. forgivness is the most powerful weapon in the world, and leaning on God in all moments of life, including one so amazingly hard like this is what life is all about. it must have been hard to post on here( but easy following everything else you must be going through) and i hope in any way, shape or form i can help just a little bit. I wont say i know what your going through because i honestly cant image, but i can say that through God's plan and God's will you and yours will get through this in His specific amount of time. life will go on and God will be by your side every step of the way. my email is in my profile and i will gladly talk to you whenever i can.
my prayers to you and your family, God bless

Answer 9

I'm so sorry for your loss. I believe that you do need to talk about this, but if you won't talk to a psychiatrist or psychologist, there are other forms of support. Talk to your pastor in your Church. Join a support group. Visit narcanonymous. My best friend's BIL hung himself, after struggling with alcohol and drug use his entire adult life. The MIL goes to narcanon and gets immense support and comfort there.

Answer 10

I hurt for you, and I am also inspired by you. You show great strength and forgiveness at a time when the world presses to turn you away from the Lord. Hold fast to the truth and know that He is there to support you and to give you strength as you may find need of it.

I am so sorry for your loss and I will pray for you and your family to be strengthened as you have strengthened me.