I think the minister is trying to rip my sister off....what do you all think?

Question

He wants to charge her $300 to perform the wedding and have a couple sessions of premartial counseling....the counseling is mandatory. Doesn't that seem high? I mean he gets a decent salary from the church already because it is a larger sized church. What do you all think? Is this normal?

Let me add some more details...she has know this paster since she was a baby. He is sort of a family friend...long time pastor......that is also why it is soooo odd to me that he would charge that much.

Also....some people who are posting here are assuming that my sister is getting married at the church, which she is not. So I don't think that the "heating and cooling" argument holds water.

Also I do believe that I stated a "couple" of counseling sessions...I always thought that a couple meant 2...and the wedding ceremony will take about 30 minutes....not sure how that turns into "10 hours" as some have posted.....I think people are having trouble reading.

Why can't people read? I have already stated that the wedding is not taking place at a church *sigh*

Answer 1

Hi. Wow! I DO think that is quite steep!

I have worked as a secretary at a Lutheran Church for 13 years. In our policy we state...."an honorarium shall be paid to the pastor. The SUGGESTED honorarium is $100."

At the church I work at we also have pre-marriage counseling that costs $30.

Especially with him being a family friend, I am quite surprised at this amount. I guess she doesn't have many options if she does what him....but YES that is high as far as I am concerned.

Answer 2

Ministers around this area all "charge" but don't tell you. The church has it in the information packets that are passed out. $300 is on the high side, but not unreasonable.

Performing a marriage ceremony or a funeral are not in the minister's job description with the church. These are services he/she provides for specific family. Of course your family should be responsible for the fee. EXCEPT, guess what!?! The groom is supposed to pay the minister, not the bride. The average fee is probably about $200 without any counseling. But, counseling needs to be mandatory. Your sister isn't getting ripped off.

Answer 3

$300.00 is cheap.

A couple of counseling sessions could mean that if 5 hours is required by what ever denomination this church is that it could be done in 2 - 2 and a half hour sittings. Unless they talk enough to need 3 to cover the material.

If this is a donation then it is tax deductible where a fee is not so in all probability it is free,

My usual ceremony
First meeting 1 hour
Turning that into a draft 2 hours of typing
phone calls, edits & updates 1 hour
Block of time on wedding day deticated to couple 3 hours
(Why? so that even if I get a flat tire I am still on time and if they run 45 minutes late I don't have to leave without marrying them because their 1/2 hour is up and I booked another couple.)

Another thing to consider is that in a church setting the fee is a standard one, with standard criteria to be filled, set by the religious order not the priest.

Answer 4

You don't say where your sister lives. I'm in NYC and $300 is not too bad. It has to do with covering the expenses of having the wedding at the church and his time. Yes he gets a salary from the church but so what, this is above and beyond his regular ministerial duties. Your sister will only benefit from the premarital counseling and heating and lighting a church are not cheap. Is the church musician playing too? If she feels it's too much she can have her ceremony elsewhere.

Answer 5

We had a friend marry us. We gave him a gift certificate for dinner for him and his wife at a nice restaurant in town. The minister at the church I attended was insisting on premarital counseling, only using religious music during the ceremony and we wouldn't even know who would perform the ceremony until the month before the wedding. I don't know that $300 is outrageous or a rip off. Each minister and church charges a different amount to marry people.

Answer 6

What do you think is a "decent" salary?! you might be surprised to learn about how underpaid ministers are these days, in spite of needing to socialize, dress well for occasions, etc. In Canada, even a Marriage commissioner (Justice of Peace) charges between $250. and $400. and that fee is set by the government and doesn't include premarital counselling!! Some premarriage courses cost hundreds of dollars!! She is asking the Minister to 1) spend 2 nights with her for counselling, 2) be at rehearsal , and 3) perform the wedding. Without factoring in any preparation time or travel time, this would work out to be at least 10 hours. At $30. an hour (Which is moderate wages for a professional) that is $300.00 How much is dear sis paying for flowers, for her dress? Your sister is probably paying at least $300 for just her hairdo and make-up, so what is more important to the actual MARRIAGE.!! Gads. Get your priorities straight!!

Answer 7

I'm assuming you are getting married in a church, because there is a minister. Well, churches aren't free. It'll have to be cleaned before and after your wedding (cleaners will need paid) and there are utilities for its use as well (the heating bill at my medium-sized church was $1500 for one month!). Plus, you are making the minister work on a day he usually doesn't (if you work an extra day, wouldn't you like a little extra from your job?) It's completely reasonable. If you still think it is high, remember that churches are not-for-profit organizations, so even if the $300 doesn't get used completely for the wedding, it'll get put to good use.

Answer 8

The price seems high for the ceremony, but maybe the bulk of it is for the counseling? I know premarital counseling is required in some churches, and only recommended in others. If having the ceremony in this church is important to your sister, though, 300 isn't a lot compared to some of the other expenses.

Answer 9

How outrageous!!!! I can't imagine this man not wanting to give up his free time to be at a rehearsal then spend a couple of hours the day of the wedding hanging around to do the ceremony, sign the license, close up the church after everyone has left, spend more of his free time counseling your sister and her future husband "a couple" of times. The audacity of this friend wanting them to go through counseling to help insure that the couple is prepared for all of the issues that can arise in a marriage. I'm sure if he were a caterer, florist etc... he would and would be expected to give his services for free wouldn't he. Tsk! Tsk!! You sister should find somebody that's not a trained counselor etc.... to perform one of the most important rituals of her life. She'll probably be able to save a few $$ that way.

Just out of curiosity how much is your sister spending on her dress? The reception site? Flowers? Photographer? Gifts for her attendants ........... the list goes on.

Answer 10

I think $300 is a reasonable amount. Remember that you are paying for their time and materials that they may need. Contrary to popular belief, ministers and priests do not get paid a lot....that money you donate doesn't necessarily go to tthem but the church and for its upkeep.

As for marriage counseling, I think your sister should go. With divorce rates as high as they are, I don't think it's a bad idea to go through it. You'd be surprised at how informative the sessions are and how much one may or may not know about their partners. It's a good way to start off on the right foot.

Answer 11

If this is her pastor, or someone she knows personally, I'd say that's a bit steep. But, if they don't attend his church regularly, then $300.00 is about average for the ceremony and counseling sessions. Most ministers invest a lot of time in preparing for the ceremony and counseling (believe me, I know. My dad is a pastor). Also, consider the materials for counseling. They are expensive, and many churches don't provide funding for those sorts of things.