My fiance has two sisters; one who is mentally slow (sis A) & another who is now a good friend of mine (they are step bro/sis) (sis B). I orginally wasn't going to have either as bridesmaids, but I LOVE sis B and want her as a bridesmaid. His family is not helping us out financially. Since sis A is slow, I have shared with my fiance how much of a responsibility it will be to have her as a bridesmaid to me and everyone else in the party- and that is not fair to anyone. He understands, but I still want sis B as a bridesmaid. Is it horrible if I ask sis B and not sis A? It is not a secret that sis A is slow and won't be able to handle bridesmaid duties. Additionally I was planning on using her as a special attendant, possibly (trying) to do a reading or something. Also, I must state that the FMIL is a b****, has made rude comments to me, and has tried to force this upon my fiance and me. WHAT DO I DO?
2007-12-18 05:10:47 · 17 answers · asked by danicad134 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I want to include her, but I don't think I should be told what to do on MY wedding day. I also don't want to look back and regret not having sis B. It's my understanding that maids are the people closest with you in your life. That is not sis A but that does include sis B.
2007-12-18 05:21:09 · update #1
you definitely pick both .....you are being a nasty bridezilla about sis a......be gracious for goodness sakes!
bad bad karma...what goes around comes around, I pray that you don't have a 'special' child in your future.....
2007-12-18 05:13:55 · answer #1 · answered by abc 7 · 4⤊ 8⤋
You stated that sis A would not be able to handle bridesmaid responsibilities ~ what responsibilities are you referring to? Does she really have to take on duties other than be in attendance at your wedding? I am sure she would be honored to simply wear a dress like the other girls & participate w/them in the ceremony.
Is she young enough to be a Jr. Bridesmaid?
I guess it depends on how "slow" sis A is. I work w/mentally handicapped people ~ and trust me, they may be "slow" but they are well aware of the fact that they are different from other people. They are more aware than most people give them credit for & often know when people treat them differently due to their mental abilities.
I would suggest inviting both sisters to be in your wedding party. Don't look at it as giving in to your FMIL. It is what is fair to sis A. She will feel special & important & know that you love and accept her despite her disability.
2007-12-18 13:33:46 · answer #2 · answered by march_hare_in_june 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Well I understand where you are coming from, trust me. Personally I would have both or neither in it. You might cause tension in the family by picking one and not the other. I think that you can just have sis A do less stressful duties that you expect bridesmaids to do. Sis B and other bridesmaids (if there are any) can do the "major" duties and just let Sis A have on her dress, have her flowers, walk down the aisle, pose for pictures, stand there for you two and that be that. Don't exclude her because of her mental state or illness. The family will really look at your character and it may cause problems that you don't really need right now.
2007-12-18 13:21:59 · answer #3 · answered by OFFICIALLY MRS. HOWARD! 5 · 6⤊ 2⤋
Hi. I must agree with the others. I feel for you....I really do....but "blood" is thick and if you are already having MIL problems....watch out! Take it from me...I know!
Either have both or neither. Also....would it be THAT hard for sisA to walk up the aisle and stand during a wedding ceremony? Would she be disruptive? Usually, even if an adult is a bit mentally challenged, they can do that! There are no other "bridesmaid duties" that I can think of other than walking up the aisle and standing for the ceremony and pictures. That's it! If she needs special attention, possibly after she walks up the aisle she could go and sit next to her mother. But I really feel as though she can handle it.
Another thing to think about...she may really, really feel special being asked. Something to really make her year! Think of how you would feel. If this would put a smile on her face and make her feel special, I would certainly go with it!
2007-12-18 16:57:55 · answer #4 · answered by iloveweddings 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Correct me if Im wrong, but wouldnt it be more difficult to read during the ceremony than hold flowers and be a bridesmaid? Talk about putting the pressure on.
I think if she can perform the task of being a bridesmaid (holding the flowers, standing up there, walking back down) you should ask her. Thats all she has to do. You have all the other bridesmaids to help you with stuff. If she cannot, then find another job that she can do. Greeter might be a good position, she could hand out programs and say hello as people enter.
2007-12-18 13:42:24 · answer #5 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Sister A can easily be a bridesmaid - don't ask anything of her other than to show up in the right dress and walk down the aisle. She can sit in the front row during the ceremony if you don't think she's capable of standing quietly the whole time. Enlist the help of her mother to make sure she acts okay during the ceremony.
You're being cold and selfish not to include her.
2007-12-18 15:02:51 · answer #6 · answered by monicanena 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think it would be fine to have Sis A as an attendant. She could be in charge of the guest book or perhaps hand out programs. It depends on her capabilities, I would include her, but it is not necessary for her to be a bridesmaid. She could even get a dress in the same color as your bridesmaids, but in a different style. That way you could include her as part of the wedding party, but not have immediate bridesmaid responsibility.
I don't think you are being a bridezilla :)
2007-12-18 13:17:36 · answer #7 · answered by oy vey 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
My sister was asked to be in a cousin's wedding and I wasn't. Was it a big deal? No, not at all. It should be who you are closest to, but if you are excluding her just because she is "slow" then I could see why your FMIL would be mad (though that does not excuse rude comments).
If it is just because you are not close to her then I think her doing a reading or something to that effect is a good idea.
2007-12-18 13:48:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Have sis B be a BM, and have sis A do a reading.
2007-12-18 20:28:04 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would have both sisters as bridesmaids. There aren't any specific duties for a bridesmaid. You can just have your sister go for the fitting and walk down the aisle. If she can handle a reading, she can certainly handle that. Family is family and that's what's important.
2007-12-18 13:16:39 · answer #10 · answered by mynxr 5 · 3⤊ 4⤋
I think you should have both in the wedding they are going to be your sister-in-laws. I understand the condition but all you have to do is work with them. Enjoy your day with them not without them!!
2007-12-18 14:32:45 · answer #11 · answered by Latoya W 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋