My 17 yr old daughter has been "borrowing" my bank card and taken app £550 from my account. Should I prosecute

Question

She had a baby 8 months ago and has continued to live with us. We have provided all she needs for her son and herself and feel totally let down by her stealing but do I really want to get the police involved

Answer 1

Difficult one. Part of me wants to say yes, she needs to learn a lesson. On the other hand she has a baby, if she is given a custodial sentence would you look after her son? I would sit her down and in no uncertain terms tell her how she has made you feel. Make an arrangement for her to pay back the money and tell her, if she does it again that you will not hesitate to go to the police.

Edit: Change your PIN number so she can't do it, or get hold of it again.

Answer 2

Now lets see. At work filing cabinets are locked to keep honest people honest. Truly dishonest people would have no problem breaking a filing cabinet open, but normally honest people wouldn't. So the point is - did you leave your card lying around as a temptation to someone that is having a financially hard time as it is and perhaps thinks rightly or wrongly that you have no real money worries and wouldn't miss a few quid?
Personally I wouldn't call in the cops / argue / raise any conflict. That is going to lead to a serious rift worth a lot more than £550. I would sit her down and talk. Find out why she took it and get to the bottom of her motives - at least she will know you care for her on a deeper level. Does she work? I mean, if she can work part time then she will get more independence, which is probably what that £550 did for her for a little while. Don't lose sight of the fact that she is 17 years old - hardly mature and with the responsibilities of a baby to boot. She can't be expected to make all the right decisions, just as any teenager.

Answer 3

Most of the answers here have pin-pointed your next move: Shock therapy.
You need to get her scared enough to make her realise what she's done, how much of an effect it's had on you, and that she has to be totally honest with you about it. But, I wouldn't press charges, I would advise against getting the police involved entirely.

As a parent you do have a responsibility, and getting the police involved would shift that responsibility onto someone else, and that gives me the impression that you don't want to deal with it personally. But you must, you are her mother.

Also, you have to be careful as to what you suggest as a solution to the missing money. One commenter suggested making up a plan of ins and outs, and having her stick to a budget, but she is her own person and if she does need the money, there's the possibility she'll go somewhere else to find it and that's something you definitely do not want.

There are a lot of good suggestions and ideas already posted, but you know your daughter, and you're the person that needs to deal with it in a way that will ensure she knows what she's done, she doesn't repeat it; and above all, make sure you don't fall out with her.

Hope that helps.

Answer 4

I personally couldn't afford to lose £500. I know it's a difficult decision but it's one I had to face with a member of my family. In my case I did press charges because it wasn't the first time and all the family knew it wouldn't be the last. In your position I would try to sit her down, ask her why she was doing it and make her aware that contacting the police is one of your options, if you can work it out between yourselves and come to some sort of payment plan with her then result, but you must make sure she knows that if she does it again there will be consequences. If she's reliant on you to feed and clothe her and her child press home the things you give her and do for her. Maybe suggest she contributes more to the house or move out and stand on her own two feet.

Normally I would say right away contact the police but... If she's recently had a baby could it be a post-natal issue? Talk to her first and see where you should go from there.

Hope we helped you.

Answer 5

first thing to do is change yr pin no and dont tell her what the no is that will stop it immediately . its a tough one, personally i wouldnt go to the police but she needs to understand this is not acceptable. why is she short of money? is she and u getting everything ur entitled to? . if it was me i would sit down have a talk with her, explain how u feel and that if she is not happy with this then she needs to find someone else to live and that if it happens again u will contact the police. give her a chance first before u take this action. good luck hope it all works out for u.

Answer 6

I can't tell you whether or not to involve the police. It is a tough call. What I can tell you is that there has to be some repercussion for her action. She has to be made to understand how serious it was and not only did she deeply hurt you but it is also illegal.
As a new Mom, she needs to understand she could go to jail and loose custody of her baby!
I would make sure that she pays you back every single dime and let her know that she is going to have to earn back your trust.
If she has done other illegal things, then it could be you do need to report it to the police to make a believer of her.

Answer 7

It's not the first time she stole she was doing it in dribs and drabs each time was a different case of theft!! But it's the first time she got caught. What was she thinking she had to get caught. It's a hard thing to do bring one of your own to task and as an earlier answerer said it would give her a criminal record, but she should be thought a lesson however you go about it. Your trust in her is gone forever, if anything goes missing in the future from your home Guess who dose it. I think you should get a councilor to have a talk to her and come to some sort of agreement re: pay back or else!!!! Suffer the consequences in court. Frighten the s**t out of her.
Go to the Police Station and tell them the story they might send an officer to your home to have a chat with her. Do something, don't do nothing.

Have a Happy Christmas.

Answer 8

This is a very hard one!!!

Me personally I would not call the police because it's my daughter but there would be a price to pay! I would make her start paying me back ... and if she won't then I think it would be best for her to move out.

It's hard when family is involved because we take crap off of them that we would never dream of taking from someone else!!! Because she is your daughter and has your grandson it makes it that much harder. Like it or not she has some leverage with you ... because you do not want either to suffer!!

You need to sit down and talk about this ... and move forward with whatever course of action YOU feel the most comfortable with. Just know that if you do not do something now ... it will only get worse!

She will start pawning things in the house ... whatever she can get her hands on!!!

Answer 9

Prosecuting could just lead to a lot of bitterness on your daughter's part. I would sit her down and tell her that you know what she's been doing and it has to stop, but there won 't be any legal action. You've been supplying her with everything she needs and there's no need to be "borrowing". If she needs something then she is to come to you and ask. However, if you've been supplying her with everything then she might be using the money for something else...maybe something illegal and she couldn't ASK you for that money. In that case you obviously still have to sit down and talk to her, but offer to help her out in her situation but when she gets a job she has to slowly pay you back until the last penny is paid off. For a 17yr old, that's punishment enough-having to give up the cash they've earned instead of buying what they want.

Answer 10

No you do not need to have police involvement, she is your flesh and blood, the responsibility should start with you. You and your husband should enforce the rules. Why do you need the law involved? Give her the opportunity to put things right.

She has shown she can't be trusted, so take away any opportunities for her to do it again and make her pay the money back, even if it is only a small amount every week and it takes ages to pay. This way it will make her appreciate how hard it is to make our money accumulate.